It's the burning question that requires a forthright answer: Do we need a titanium phone?

I’ve been waiting six months for someone else to ask this question, because if there’s an obvious answer, I don’t want to appear stupid(er).

But no one has, so I will: Why do we need a telephone made out of titanium?

What are we supposed to do, fly it over the Red Sea firing missiles at the Houthis?

It must be special, because it’s been in every pitch we’ve seen since the release of the iPhone 15 back in September. Lily from AT&T even whispers it from the middle seat on an airplane like it’s some sort of delicious secret: “Made with titanium!”

Yeah? So?

I looked it up, just in case there was something I might be missing.

"From my professional experience, titanium certainly holds several advantages over steel, especially in terms of strength-to-weight ratio, making it lighter yet stronger than steel. Its resistance to corrosion, and ability to withstand extreme temperatures, also stand out," metallurgist Azumi Shoto told the tech site Lifewire.

So if you, like many, have been having trouble with your phone rusting (there’s nothing more unsightly than a rusty iPhone up on blocks out in front of the trailer), or if you work in a cement kiln, this is the phone for you.

And stronger? Throw away that pry bar, because now, following an earthquake, you can use your phone to dig your cat out from the rubble.

I don’t even know that lighter weight is an advantage. Heft is important. The weight makes it feel good in your hand, and assures you that you’re getting something for your money. It’s like a gun; if guns weighed three ounces, no one would want one.

Indeed, I found about a million websites gushing about this “cool-sounding material” and trying to explain what made it so great, but none of them sound convincing in the least. The most eye-rolling was that titanium will “last longer.” That’s rich. Like Apple would ever let you hang onto a phone for more than three years before the software and security updates start aging out.

I have a drawer full of old iPhones. And you know how many were retired because the metal casing wore out? Um hm.

But Apple is having a bigger problem right now, as it gets harder and harder to justify buying a new phone when there’s less and less in each new model that leaves you agog. The new Apple 17 Max Pro Ultimate offers a new keyboard shortcut! Can’t wait to get one of those.

For about 10 or 15 years, Apple’s annual product unveiling was appointment viewing, even for non-geeks. A blandly smiling Steve Jobs would be holding some futuristic gizmo that would blow your mind. Today, 13 years after Jobs’ death, who even bothers to tune in?

The Apple Watch was OK for those who were too proud to affix an iPhone to their wrists with duct tape, but the company is behind on AI, its virtual reality goggles have gone nowhere and Apple’s autonomous car was canceled outright.

And now iPhone sales have dropped off a cliff in China because, get this, Chinese leaders are telling their people that the U.S. government is clandestinely surveilling and filching Chinese data.

What? They're stealing our bit. We accused TikTok of being a Chinese drone, and now they’re saying the same thing about Apple and America. What gives? They can’t do that to our pledges, only we can do that to our pledges.

“The golden time for Apple in China is over,” said Linda Sui, a senior director at TechInsights, a market research firm. While Sui blamed geopolitical tensions, I would argue that if Apple were still producing whiz-bang gadgets, the Chinese people would be buying them no matter what their government said.

Titanium might not rust, but the Apple brain trust can.

When is it time to give up a fight? Some folks never know when to quit

Nice work if you can get it: The Royal Family is seeking help with its public relations

Tim Rowland is a Herald-Mail columnist.

This article originally appeared on The Herald-Mail: Apple has offered us a new titanium phone. But has anyone asked why?