All My Bridesmaids Are Pregnant
When I got engaged to Dan, my boyfriend of two and a half years, in December 2015, I had no doubt about whom I wanted to ask to be bridesmaids. Even though we opted for a long engagement that won't have us walking down the aisle until this June, it was only a matter of weeks after turning from girlfriend to fiancée that I ordered cards off Etsy - you know, the ones that read, "He's marrying me, but he's stuck with us" - and popped the question to the 5 women who have been there for me at every stage of life.
Lauren has known me for most of my life. We've been in school together since kindergarten and best friends since 13, and she has been there forthe awkward teenage years, the I-want-to-be-in-a-rock-band stage, and terrible boyfriends and questionable decisions. I met Miranda in high school, and even though we lost touch after graduation, we reconnected a few years later when she moved nearby and I spent a good deal of time living on her air mattress. Ashley and Kari are friends from college, where the 3 of us bonded over a shared love of dance, and Laurel is a former coworker with whom my relationship lasted beyond the walls of our cubicles.
All of them are married - and I was a bridesmaid in a handful of their weddings - so they could not have been more excited that it was now my turn and they could return the favor. Of course, at this stage in our lives, in our late 20s and early 30s, I knew there was a possibility that one of my bridesmaids might be pregnant on my wedding day. No big deal; we'd figure it out. I personally never had a big vision for my wedding, and I knew that as long as the most important people in my life were there, I would have a great time. I would never expect someone to put their life on hold for me - and especially not for my wedding - but I also never expected to have an entirely pregnant bridal party.
The baby boom started when we were bridesmaid dress shopping last October. Miranda, who got married just a month earlier, had mentioned many times that she and her husband wanted to start a family right away. "How crazy would it be if you were due the same day as my wedding?" I joked with her. In true you-can't-make-this-stuff-up fashion, that offhand comment became reality when she excitedly told me at the dress appointment that, though she wasn't far along, she was expecting. My matron-of-honor Kari was next, announcing her pregnancy to me in a sweet letter, followed by Lauren and then Ashley, whose pregnancy I suspected when she wasn't indulging in her usual glass of wine with me. By the time Laurel told me she was eating for two over dinner one evening, all I could do was laugh. In the span of weeks, my bridal party had grown from 5 to 10, with two being due the week of the wedding and the rest in July.
I would never expect someone to put their life on hold for me - and especially not for my wedding - but I also never expected to have an entirely pregnant bridal party.
I'm a pretty organized, detail-oriented person, so I'm not going to lie - taking in the news that not one, not two, but all of my bridesmaids were pregnant was a little stressful and overwhelming at first. But not stressful in the way you might think. Sure, fleeting thoughts about what would happen if my bridesmaids couldn't make it to the wedding or who would help me the day of ran through my mind, but more than anything, I was concerned for my friends. Instead of putting the focus where it should be - on my marriage to Dan - I was worried about making 5 women at the end of their third trimesters as comfortable as possible on what's typically a very long day.
A turning point for me came after my bridesmaids sat me down and told me, "Heather, we've got this. We will come to you if we feel like we can't be there, but you don't need to over-think and over-plan around us." I know they'll be there to support me as much as they can, but I also know I can still plan the wedding day I want and not get caught up in all the what-ifs. It was definitely a lesson in letting go of control.
There have been a few small bumps along the way, but isn't that expected with wedding planning? The dresses we ordered in the fall when only one bridesmaid had announced her pregnancy are a little snug, meaning extra fabric had to be ordered; there was less booze at my bachelorette than you might expect at a 23-year-old bride's party (but you should have seen the way my pregnant friends danced - in heels, no less - until 1 a.m.!); and I should probably hire an additional day-of coordinator to help with some of the heavy lifting. But all of that is insignificant compared to how amazing my bridesmaids have been. These 5 women from different parts of my life, who, for the most part, had maybe only met each other once or twice before, are bouncing ideas off each other for how to be a pregnant bridesmaid and bonding over this one thing they all have in common. It's really fun to see.
I'm looking forward to, hopefully, capturing some great baby-bump photos on the day of the wedding, but the best part has been seeing how you and your friends can be at various stages in life and still be there to support each other. I knew my friends cared about me, but seeing them get ready to become moms and develop that motherly instinct - how they're making sure I'm being taken care of and having the wedding day that they all got - is pretty cool. I don't think I would have ever seen that side of them had it not happened this way.
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