Welcome to the 2013 Conservative Political Action Conference, the most prominent confab of right-wing activists. Here you'll find representatives from almost every nook and cranny of the conservative movement. Along the way you can get tons of free stuff, eat free food and play games while the adults upstairs drone on about the the pitfalls of quantitative easing.
Let's take a tour of the exhibit hall, where most of the action is all weekend:
Let your friends back home know that you were there—and that you made it out alive.
Marco Rubio is so hot right now. Cool yourself off with help from an official Rubio water bottle.
Sleep with an American Idol. The most important one.
Show off your support of the Second Amendment.
Now that you have your gear, fire away!
Shoot some hoops during the boring speeches, courtesy of Generation Opportunity.
Take home your (least) favorite liberals.
Show off your smarts with some conservative "Jeopardy."
Find true love from this conservatives-only dating site.
Support drilling by grabbing tiny Earths with a giant metal claw.
Let Karl Rove know that he isn't a real conservative ... or something.
Get your picture taken with Benjamin Franklin. (This is not actually Benjamin Franklin. He is dead.)
Then snap a pic with Bumblebee.
Get some conservative lip balm for when you're making out in the back room later at the Reaganpalooza party.
Don't leave CPAC until Birther Queen Orly Taitz signs your long-form birth certificate.
Speaking of Obama's lies, this is his real dad, and this book proves it! (Not really.)
Photos by Chris Moody of Yahoo News
Watch a CPAC live stream on Yahoo News until approximately 6pm Thursday, Friday and Saturday http://news.yahoo.com/watch-2013-cpac-live-stream/