Sing along to Newt Gingrich karaoke!
It was nearly a year ago that Newt Gingrich formally ended his bid for the Republican presidential nomination. From the cornfields of Iowa to the peach farms of Georgia, news reporters assigned to cover the former House speaker logged thousands of miles on a cross-country tour of the nation's zoos, community centers and, of course, NASA's space camp in Huntsville, Ala., where Gingrich spoke of building a moon colony.
Along the way—and it was a very long way—we found many ways to pass the time. But one especially talented singer-songwriter-journalist, sitting quietly in the back of the bus, took to composing songs about the candidate. These masterpieces were considered strictly off the record during the campaign.
Thankfully, the embargo has been lifted (although the composer has asked to remain anonymous.) The time has come release these treasures to the American people.
In this never-before-seen compilation of Newt's Greatest Hits, relive our most cherished moments of the campaign with songs like, "Hold Me Closer, Saul Alinsky," "I Got You Cain" and "Rocket Newt." Rock out to "Sympathy for the Gingrich" and "Newt Went to the Zoo Today." Or set the mood with that special someone with "Gingrich in the Wind."
So go ahead, don't be shy. Crank up the volume and sing along to your favorite Gingrich tunes.
ROCKET NEWT (Elton John’s 'Rocket Man')
Packed my bags just now, pre-flight
Space camp, I’m on my way
This trip is whyyyyy
I’m still in the race
I miss the earth so much, and my first wife
It’s lonely out in space
On such a sweeeeet moon base
And I think it’s gonna be a long long time,
Til America comes around and they will find
Moon colonies are the way to go
Oh oh oh oh—I’m a Rocket Newt
Rocket Newt, burning all his money in Florida
The moon ain’t the kind of place to raise your kids
Unless they’re janitors
But there’s no one there to pay them, to sweep the dust
And all the science, I don’t understand
I just want to pander to NASA folk
A Rocket Neeeewwwwt. A Rocket Newt.
And I think it’s gonna be a long long time,
Til I realize I’m not going to win this time
I’m not the man to be the nominee
Oh no no no—I’m a Rocket Newt
Rocket Newt, burning hate for Romney keeps me aloft
FORGET YOU (Cee Lo Green’s 'Forget You')
You say I peddled influence for Freddie Mac;
And I’m like: Forget You
It’s just another unfounded bogus attack
And I’m like: Forget You, and your PAC too
You see if my PAC was richer, I’d compete wit ya
Ain’t that some ish
But Sheldon’s money’s long gone and I got no way to respond
Except: Forget you
Yeah I’m sorry I paid an ethics fine
But that don’t mean that I was wrong
But PAC ads make it look like a crime
And they’re on TV like all day long
I picture the fool that believes these ads from you
(Just a dumb voter. Don’t know no better.)
Oooh, without more money I’m screwed
Yeah, let’s go to California again
You say I peddled influence for Freddie Mac;
And I’m like: Forget You
It’s just another unfounded bogus attack
And I’m like: Forget You, and your PAC too
You see if my PAC was richer, I’d compete wit ya
Ain’t that some ish
But Sheldon’s money’s long gone and I got no way to respond
Except: Forget you
Now you’re beatin’ on Santorum
'Bout earmarks and unions and Arlen Specter
But not so fast, you know he won’t last
And the baggage ad was so much better
I picture the fool that believes these ads from you
(Just a dumb voter. Don’t know no better.)
Oooh, without more money I’m screwed.
I really hate your ass right now.
You say I peddled influence for Freddie Mac;
And I’m like: Forget You
It’s just another unfounded bogus attack
And I’m like: Forget You, and your PAC too
You see if my PAC was richer, I’d compete wit ya
Ain’t that some ish
But Sheldon’s money’s long gone and I got no way to respond
Except: Forget you
Now Romney Romney Romney why you want to hurt me so bad? (So bad)
Pro-choice gun-hating liberals they make me so sad (so sad)
Uh, why? Uh, why?
Oh, Romney, I hate you so. I’m gonna go
Kamikaze Newwwwwwt
You say I peddled influence for Freddie Mac;
And I’m like: Forget You
It’s just another unfounded bogus attack
And I’m like: Forget You, and your PAC too
You see if my PAC was richer, I’d compete wit ya
Ain’t that some ish
But Sheldon’s money’s long gone and I got no way to respond
Except: Forget you
SYMPATHY FOR THE GINGRICH (Rolling Stones’ 'Sympathy for the Devil')
Please allow me to introduce myself
I’m a man of ideas and range
I’ve been around for a long, long year
Effected big national change
I was round when Art Laffer
Drew the curve 'bout supply side
Made damn sure that Congress
Cut the taxes down to size
Pleased to meet you
You already know my name, oh yeah
But what’s puzzling me
Is the failure of my campaign
I stuck around Washington
When I saw it was time for a change
Led the GOP revolution
And the liberals screamed in vain
Gave Bill a spank
Held a Speaker’s rank
When we reformed welfare
Didn’t break the bank
Pleased to meet you
You already know my name, oh yeah
But what’s puzzling me
Is the failure of my campaign
It was all about me
When on my power spree
Shut down the government
Made a statement
I shouted out
“Clinton didn’t let me
In front of the plane”
I was pissed, you see
Let me please introduce myself
I’m a man who’s grandiose
And I worked alongside Reagan
Something I rather like to boast
Pleased to meet you
You already know my name, oh yeah
But what’s puzzling me
Is the failure of my campaign, oh yeah
Pleased to meet you
You already know my name, oh yeah
But what’s puzzling me
Is the failure of my campaign, oh yeah
Just as every pol is a cheater
I’m on wife number three
I’m so unique, just call me Newt Gingrich
A major figure historically
So if you meet me, you’ll hear all about
Saul Alinsky and Saudi kings
And all my grand accomplishments
Except the awkward things, mmmm yeah
Pleased to meet you
You already know my name, mmm yeah
But what’s puzzling me
What happened to my campaign, get down
Newt Newt, ah yeah, get on down, oh yeah
Tell me Georgia, what’s my name?
Tell me 'bama, baby guess my name?
Tell me Kansas, what’s my name?
I’ll tell you one time, Florida’s to blame.
What’s my name?
Tell me Tampa, what’s my name?
Brokered convention, what’s my name?
HOLD ME CLOSER, SAUL ALINSKY (Elton John’s 'Tiny Dancer')
Organizer, Chicago shyster, communist long dead
Ruckus-eyed, angry style, Obama’s butter and bread
True believer, he’ll squeeze the trigger, and pump us full of lead
Now he’s in me, always with me, Saul Alinsky, in my head
Liberal freaks, out in the street, agitating for food stamps
You should get, a paycheck, fold up the Occupy camp
Organizer man, he makes a stand, health care for everyone
Looking on, he sings the song, of Euro-style revolution
Oh how it feels so real, creeping socialism here and only I
Only I can see it, as I say loudly, boldly
Hold me closer Saul Alinksy, let me tie you to Obama
Who cares if no one knows you, I’ll use your name to make some drama
NEWT GINGRICH’S ISLAND ('Gilligan’s Island' theme song)
Just sit right back and you’ll hear a tale
Of a poorly run campaign
That started with a botched rollout
And once trailed Herman Cain (and once trailed Herman Cain)
The candidate had big ideas
Consultants, he’d not obey
After Newt went on a Greek cruise
They all ditched him one day (They all ditched him one day)
The campaign started getting rough
The money was all gone
But Callista said he must debate
So the campaign soldiered on (The campaign soldiered on)
The campaign survived and now awaits the Super Tuesday trial
With Newtron
Callista too
Adelson and his wife
A karate star
R.C. and Jordan
Here on Newt Gingrich’s Isle
Shot down by Romney’s PAC in Iowa
It appeared all lost this time
But Sheldon’s money arrived, Newt won S.C.
And the polls he did climb
But Florida came and it was hard
To keep the message strong
Talking about moon colonies
And how Bain was so wrong
No plane, small staff, no TV ads
They’ve got no money
Campaigning on a shoestring
As primitive as can be
But he goes on from coast to coast
Zoos and museums make him smile
We embeds are just castaways
Here on Newt Gingrich’s Isle.
ROMNEY AND THE REST (Elton John’s 'Bennie and the Jets')
Hey Mitt, get your shit together
The other guys are jokers
And you know you’re so much better
But you make too many gaffes
To stick around
All these misstatements will run
Your campaign to the ground
Say Newtie and Rickie have you seen him yet
Oh he so stressed out
R-R-R-Romney and the rest
Oh when he goes off script
Romney’s a bad candidate
He’s got five Cadillacs, he fires folks
He knows corporations are people too
Oh, R-R-R-Romney and the rest
Hey Mitt you know you should be winning
But the tea party doesn’t trust you
And this is only the beginning
No true conservative will forgive Romneycare
And all the money in the world won’t
Make this primary fair
THE DISTANCE (Cake’s 'The Distance')
Reluctantly shaking on the rope line
Voters grasping and asking in time
The camera flashes, Ginger has a request
Churning and burning, he runs from the press
Santorum maneuvers, he’s got the top rank
Newt’s burning fast on an empty tank
Reckless and wild, he goes through the speech
It’s all about process, Super PACs and TV
As he speeds through Mississippi
The campaign goes down
The reporters get up and they get out of town
The bus is empty except for one man
Still developing ideas as fast as he can
Herman Cain has gone down and Santorum’s come up
And long ago Romney left with the cup
But Newt’s driving and striving through the twists and turns
And thinking of Romney for whom he still burns
He’s going the distance
He’s going to Tampa
He’s all alone (all alone!)
All alone after Alabama
He’s talking and walking and plotting the race
He’s fighting and writing but falling on his face
He’s going the distance
No pollsters, no PAC ads, no staffers, no time
He’s haunted by a message he could not define
Rockets, moon bases and extremely cheap gas
The other problem: He kind of comes off like an ass
In his mind he’s still running, and he could win
And there’s hope for a brokered convention
Cause he’s talking and walking and plotting the race
He’s fighting and writing but falling on his face
Herman Cain has gone down and Santorum’s come up
And long ago Romney left with the cup
But Newt’s driving and striving through the twists and turns
And thinking of Romney for whom he still burns
He’s going the distance
He’s going to Tampa
He’s all alone (all alone!)
All alone after Alabama
He’s wheeling and dealing and making a king
He’s going to make that kid Santorum kiss the ring
He’s wheeling and dealing and making a king
He’s going to make that kid Santorum kiss the ring
He’s going the distance
He’s a Newtron bomb
He’s going the distance
I GOT YOU CAIN (Sonny and Cher’s 'I Got You Babe')
[Cain] They say we’re down and got no chance
The voters long ago lost the romance
[Newt] Well fundamentally that’s not true
Cause I’ve got Cain and Cain I got you
[Both] Cain. I got you Cain. I got you Cain.
[Cain] They say tax policy’s hard to fake
But 9-9-9 is such a piece of cake
[Newt] And I know gas prices are hard to sway
But drill baby drill and $2.50 you will pay
[Both] Cain. I got you Cain.
[Newt] I got beat up by ABC, then I got you to endorse me.
[Cain] And they used to say that I was a clown, Perry used Ginger White to bring me down.
So let them say we’re womanizers, 'Cause that makes them liberal sympathizers
[Newt] Then put your black hand in mine, just please don’t upstage me every single time
[Both] Cain. I got you Cain.
[Newt] I got you to give me fire
[Cain] To a cabinet post I do aspire
[Newt] I got you for the tea party
[Cain] I got you for legitimacy
[Newt] I got Callista to kiss goodnight
[Cain] I’m gonna hold that girl’s ass real tight
[Newt] I got you I won’t let go
[Cain] Til I get a Fox TV show
[Both] Cain. I got you Cain. I got you Cain.
GINGRICH IN THE WIND (Elton John’s 'Candle in the Wind')
Goodbye Newton G.
The Southern Strategy didn’t fly
You lost to a B-list senator
And the world’s most awkward guy
You never had a message
Until you got to gasoline
But by then it was too late
Just a desperation scene
It seems to me that you ran your race, like a Gingrich in the wind
Never knowin’ what to do except mud slingin’
I would have liked to cover you
But you wouldn’t let me on the plane
Your chances burned out long before you ended your campaign
Endorsements didn’t help
Not Rick Perry not Herman Cain
Chuck Norris nor the Bassmaster
Their help was all in vain
Even when you quit
Oh the press still hounded Newt
All Politico had to say
Was ‘R.C. Hammond, it’s all on you’
It seems to me that you ran your race, like a Gingrich in the wind
Never knowin’ what to do except mud slingin’
I would have liked to cover you
But you wouldn’t let me on the plane
Your chances burned out long before you ended your campaign
Goodbye Newton G
The Southern Strategy didn’t fly
You lost to a B-list senator
And the world’s most awkward guy
Goodbye Newton G
From the press in the back of the bus
Who see you as a ticket to Hilton Points
Or just Rocket Newt Gingrich
It seems to me that you ran your race, like a Gingrich in the wind
Never knowin’ what to do except mud slingin’
I would have liked to cover you
But you wouldn’t let me on the plane
Your chances burned out long before you ended your campaign
HEY NEWT (Outkast’s 'Hey Ya')
My Newtron don’t mess around
He wants to win so
And this I know fo sho
Uh, but does he really wanna
Or just want to kick Mitt’s
Ass out the door
Don’t go to the convention
Because the thought alone is killing me right now
Uh, I guess it’s up to us
Republican elites
To take him down
Hey Newt
Heyyyy Newt
Hey Newt
Heyyyy Newt
Hey Newt
Heyyyy Newt
Hey Newt
Heyyyy Newt
Mitt thinks he’s got it
Ohh Mitt thinks he’s got it
But Newt won’t let him have it
Until 1144…
He’ll keep on going
Oh he’ll keep on going
Til the fight gets all the way to the convention
Flooooooooooor
If the elites say “No way it’ll happen”
Then what makes, what makes, what makes
Newt the exception
So why you, why you, why you, why you, why you
Are you so in denial
When you can’t even win 3 states?
Hey Newt
Heyyyy Newwwt
Don’t want to see you in it.
Just want to see you quit it.
Don’t want convention drama
Just want to see you done-a
We’re just being honest
We’re just being honest
Hey alright now
Alright now pundits (yeah)
What do you think of Newt’s campaign (No chance!)
I can’t hear ya.
I said what do you think of Newt’s campaign (No chance!)
Alright alright alright alright
OK now delegates (yeah)
I want you to shut this thing down in just a few seconds
We didn’t break out that Super PAC for nothing
Now I want to see y’all on y’all best behavior
Give it to Romney, he is your savior
Awww shake it, shake it, shake it
Say no to a brokered convention
Shake it, shake shake it, shake it
Say no to a brokered convention
[Delegates from Illinois, Mississippi, Virgin Islands, get on the floor]
Please don’t vote for Newwwwt
Please don’t vote for Newt
Please don’t vote for Newt
Hey Newt (no no)
Go awayyyy Newt (go go)
NEWT WENT TO THE ZOO TODAY (Pearl Jam’s 'Jeremy')
At home
Cherry Blossoms
French restaurant
In Adams Morgan
And when he’s on the road
Wright Brothers museum
And an oil rig in the Gulf of Mexico
The media didn’t pay attention
Because he didn’t have no delegates
Newt Gingrich is livin’ in his own world
Newt went to the zoo today
Newt went to the zoo today
Clearly I remember
Him lookin’ at T-Rex
Just a harmless candidate
But we unleashed a lion
And he said, ‘Frankly, this one is the best.’
How could I forget
And he hit us with a surprise avail
Locals only
Mmmmm Ginger’s angry
Just like the day
At the San Diego zoo
R.C. is getting even more prickly
And the embeds are about to be pulled
Newt Gingrich is livin’ in his own world
Newt went to the zoo today
Newt went to the zoo today
This isn’t a campaign
He’s not really running
It’s an American touuuuuuuuur
Newt went to the zoo today
Newt went to the zoo today
FREE-NEWT (Lynyrd Skynyrd’s 'Freebird')
If I drop out tomorrow
Would you still cover me?
For I enjoyed y’all on my zoo tour
But it’s time for me to face reality
If I stayed in the race, girls
I might get bit by a penguin again
But I’m as free as a Newt, now
And this Newt will never change
And this Newt will never change
And this Newt will never change
Callista knows I can’t change
Bye, bye television cameras
Thanks for giving my ideas big play
But screw the Beltway elite media
'Cause Lord knows they’re to blame
So I guess I’ll stump for Romney
But I won’t apologize for Bain
'Cause I’m as free as a Newt now
And this Newt will never change
And this Newt will never change
And this Newt will never change
John King knows, I can’t change
To the moon, I’ll never change!
Frankly, I can't change
Won't you fly, free Newt, yeah