Occasionally Yahoo Sideshow invites outside voices to offer their takes on current events. Today's guest editorial comes from a bear cub who was spotted wandering around Heavenly ski resort at Lake Tahoe.
Allow me to explain, because I'm reading a lot of jokes on Twitter about how I wanted to learn to snowboard or liberate the ski shack of its marshmallows. Not true.
Here's what happened. I went to sleep a few months back with plans to keep on snoozing until sometime in the late spring. I'm not lazy. I'm not a slacker. It's just what bears do.
A few days ago, though, I woke up crazy early. Ever have one of those mornings where you know you're supposed to sleep in but you just can't and it's really annoying because you know you don't have to get up to catch salmon for at least a few more hours?
Multiply that by a hundred and you got my situation. The problem was that I was really thirsty. Like just finished-playing-three-sets-of-racketball thirsty. I couldn't go back to sleep, not with my mouth so parched, so I pulled myself together and went in search of some water.
I don't know if I took a wrong turn or if I was just confused — maybe it was the Ambien? But I somehow ended up in the middle of a ski run. Embarrassing? You bet. But it was all for the best. Some kind-hearted people noticed that my paws and shoulder were injured. I was also underweight. They tranquilized me (where were you guys when I needed you?) and took me to see a wildlife care specialist. Still, video of me slung over a man's shoulder is something I'll never live down.
Why so thirsty? I'm a bear, so my understanding of what makes me want to do certain things is somewhat limited, but experts say it was because of the drought and overall wacky weather patterns out West. Please do me a favor and try to save a little bit of water. Take shorter showers and whatnot. I really don't like waking up early.
Thanking you in advance,
Follow Mike Krumboltz on Twitter (@mikekrumboltz).