Tim Tebow was a no-show at the Time 100 gala in New York on Tuesday night, much to the disappointment of Stephen Colbert, a fellow honoree on the magazine's annual list of the 100 "Most Influential People in the World."
Jesus would've showed up, Colbert said, because "Jesus loves Louis C.K."
The Secret Service was there, however, monitoring guests with metal detectors before Secretary of State Hillary Clinton gave a keynote address. Clinton name-checked Tebow and Jeremy Lin during a speech in which she hinted she was looking forward to not being Secretary of State.
"Eventually I can put my feet up and enjoy being a citizen again," Clinton said.
She also feigned disappointment over another no-show--North Korean leader Kim Jong-un.
"I was hoping to meet Kim Jong," Clinton joked, "to see what he's all about."
Before dinner, the former first lady spoke briefly with Amy Poehler, who impersonated Clinton on "Saturday Night Live." What did they talk about?
"I talked to her about motherhood," Poehler told Yahoo News. "She's such a cool mom."
Poehler, Louis C.K. and Aubrey Plaza traveled in a pack together during the cocktail hour, as did Claire Danes and Tilda Swinton--a pairing seemingly conjured by hair.
Colbert praised Clinton during his speech, calling her a feminist icon alongside Sara Blakely, the inventor of "Spanx," and Cardinal Timothy Dolan. (After an off-color joke about celibacy aimed at Dolan, Colbert quipped, "See you at mass on Sunday, sir?")
"My fellow influencers, we are better than other people," Colbert said. "It is such a relief to be away from the riff-raff who couldn't make the Time 100 list--like the Pope and Oprah."
Colbert also took aim at David Koch, one half of the billionaire Koch Brothers and co-owner of Koch Industries, who along with his brother Charles has led the a fundraising effort to unseat President Obama.
"When the bill for Democracy comes up," Colbert said, "Dave is always in the men's room."
Turning to Blakely, Colbert said, "you've done more to control women's bodies than anyone except Cardinal Dolan."
There were several other notables on the Time 100 list missing from the party: Obama, Mitt Romney, Warren Buffett, Catherine, Duchess of Cambridge and Pippa Middleton.
More popular Yahoo! News stories: