Biden speaks at White House correspondents' dinner
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President Biden cracked jokes at the White House Correspondents' Association annual dinner on Saturday night.
Video Transcript
JOE BIDEN: After all, I believe in the First Amendment, not just because my good friend, Jimmy Madison, wrote it.
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
Look--
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
--a lot of ways, this dinner sums up my first two years in office.
[APPLAUSE]
I'll talk for 10 minutes, take zero questions, and cheerfully walk away.
[LAUGHTER]
Yeah, I know. I just announced my re-election campaign.
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
Some of you-- some of you scooped that I announced in the video. But really, really all thought in your heart that I just blurt it out, didn't you?
[LAUGHTER]
- We tried.
[LAUGHTER]
JOE BIDEN: And look, I get that age is completely reasonable issue. It's on everybody's mind. And everyone-- by everyone, I mean, "The New York Times." Headline-- "Biden's Advanced Age is the Big Issue. Trump's, However, is not."
[LAUGHTER]
So that was "The New York Times" pitch spot. I apologize.
[LAUGHTER]
I love that guy. I should do an interview with him.
[LAUGHTER]
You might think I don't like Rupert Murdoch. That's simply not true. How can I dislike a guy who makes me look like Harry Styles?
[LAUGHTER]
You call me old? I call it being seasoned. You say I'm ancient. I say I'm wise. You say I'm over the Hill. Don Lemon would say that's a man in his prime.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
Folks, it's wonderful to be back here again, proving I haven't learned a damn thing.
[LAUGHTER]
I want everybody to have fun tonight, but please be safe. If you find yourself disoriented or confused, it's either you're drunk or Marjorie Taylor Greene.
[LAUGHTER]
Tam, thank you for hosting. I love "NPR--"
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
--because they whisper into the mic like I do.
[LAUGHTER]
But not everyone loves "NPR." Elon Musk tweeted that it should be defunded. Well, the best way to make "NPR" go away is for Elon Musk to buy it.
[LAUGHTER]
And that's more true than you think. Anyway.
[LAUGHTER]
This dinner is one of the two great traditions in Washington. The other one is underestimating me and Kamala.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
But the truth is we really have a record to be proud of. Vaccinated the nation, transformed the economy, earned historic legislative victories in midterm results, but the job isn't finished. I mean, it is finished for Tucker Carlson.
[CROWD WOOING]
What are you wooing about like that? Like you think that's not reasonable? Give me a break.
[LAUGHTER]
Just give me a break. Look, like I often say, don't compare me to the almighty. Compare me to the alternative.
[LAUGHTER]
We added 12 million jobs. That's just counting the lawyers that defendant the president.
[LAUGHTER]
Had Ron DeSantis-- I had a lot of Ron DeSantis jokes ready. But Mickey Mouse beat the hell out of me, got there first.
[LAUGHTER]
Now, look, can't be too rough on the guy. After his re-election as governor, he was asked if he had a mandate. He said, hell, no, I'm straight. I'm straight. I'll give you time to think that one through.
[LAUGHTER]
You got it? Look, y'all keep reporting my approval ratings is 42%. But I think you don't know this-- Kevin McCarthy called me and asked me, Joe, what the hell is your secret?
[LAUGHTER]
I'm not even kidding about that one.
[LAUGHTER]
The Speaker is trying to claim a big win this week. But the last time a public has voted on something that hapless, it took 15 tries.
[LAUGHTER]
[CROWD MURMURING]
That was good.
[LAUGHTER]
Look, it's great that cable news networks are here tonight. MSNBC owned by NBC Universal.
[CHEERING]
Fox News owned by Dominion Voting Systems.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
Last year, your favorite Fox News reporters were able to attend because they were fully vaccinated and boosted. This year, with that $787 million settlement, they're here because they couldn't say no to a free meal.
[LAUGHTER]
And hell, I'd call Fox honest, fair, and truthful. But then I could be sued for defamation.
[LAUGHTER]
And it ain't nothing compared what they do to me.
[LAUGHTER]
Look I hope the "Fox News" team finds this funny. My goal is to make them laugh as hard as "CNN" did when they read the settlement.
[LAUGHTER]
But then, again, CNN was like, wow, they actually have $787 million?
[LAUGHTER]
[APPLAUSE]
Whoa. Folks, I go where people are, "The Daily Show."
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
Roy is a great guy. He once dubbed me the Jay-Z of Delaware.
[LAUGHTER]
Don't let that look in your face, you dig.
[LAUGHTER]
Tonight, he asked me to keep it short. Even offered me 10 bucks if I'd keep it under 10 minutes. That's a switch-- a president being offered hush money.
[LAUGHTER]
[CHEERING AND APPLAUSE]
