Best and worst jokes by Clinton and Trump at the Al Smith dinner

Set enmity aside? Not this year.

Nearly 24 hours after Donald Trump and Hillary Clinton went head-to-head for the third and final presidential debate, they found themselves on the same stage again — only this time, for lighthearted ribbing. Or so the tradition goes.

Every four years, the Al Smith dinner, an annual fundraiser for Catholic charities, offers a moment of levity and self-deprecation at the tail end of grueling campaigns. But Clinton and Trump — and their speechwriters — largely stuck with the caustic rhetoric of this year’s race as they took turns cracking wise at the Waldorf-Astoria hotel in New York.

Trump’s sense of humor and brash attitude didn’t quite translate to the white-tie gala meant to raise money for children in poverty throughout New York. About halfway through the speech, when he started slamming Clinton with the same furor as on the campaign trail, the boos started to rain down. He nevertheless delivered some zingers that even had Clinton laughing.

Trump’s best jokes

“You know, the president told me to stop whining, but I really have to say the media is more biased this year than ever before. You want the proof? Michelle Obama gives a speech and everyone loves it. It’s fantastic. They think she’s absolutely great. My wife, Melania, gives the exact same speech and people get on her case! And I don’t get it. I don’t know why.”

“I do recognize that I come into this event with a little bit of an advantage. I know that so many of you in the archdiocese already have a place in your heart for a guy that started out as a carpenter working for his father. I was a carpenter working for my father.”

“We have proven that we can actually be civil toward each other. In fact, before taking the dais, Hillary accidentally bumped into me, and she very civilly said, ‘Pardon me.’ And I very politely replied, ‘Let me talk to you about that after I get into office.’ Just kidding.”

“I’m actually a modest person. Very modest. It’s true. In fact, many people tell me that modesty is perhaps my best quality, even better than my temperament.”

“You know, Cardinal Dolan and I have some things in common. For instance, we both run impressive properties on Fifth Avenue. Of course his is much more impressive than mine. That’s because I built mine with my own beautifully formed hands.”

Trump’s worst jokes

“I’d like to address an important religious matter, the issue of going to confession. Or as Hillary calls it, the Fourth of July weekend with FBI Director Comey.”

“Now, I’m told Hillary went to confession before tonight’s event, but the priest was having a hard time, when he asked about her sins, and she said she couldn’t remember 39 times.”

“Hillary is so corrupt, she got kicked off the Watergate Commission. How corrupt do you have to be to get kicked off the Watergate Commission? Pretty corrupt. Hillary is and has been in politics since the ’70s. What’s her pitch? The economy is busted. The government’s corrupt. Washington is failing. ‘Vote for me. I’ve been working on these problems for 30 years. I can fix it,’ she says.”

“We’ve learned so much from WikiLeaks. For example, Hillary believes that it’s vital to deceive the people by having one public policy and a totally different policy in private. That’s OK. I don’t know who they’re angry at, Hillary, you or I. For example, here she is tonight in public pretending not to hate Catholics.”

Clinton’s best jokes

“You notice there is no teleprompter here tonight, which is probably smart because maybe you saw Donald dismantle his prompter the other day, and I get that. They’re hard to keep up with, and I’m sure it’s even harder when you’re translating from the original Russian.”

“Every year, this dinner brings together a collection of sensible, committed, mainstream Republicans, or as we now like to call them, Hillary supporters.”

“We have Rudy Giuliani. Now, many don’t know this, but Rudy actually got his start as a prosecutor going after wealthy New Yorkers who avoided paying taxes. But, as the saying goes, ‘If you can’t beat them, go on Fox News and call them a genius.’”

“Donald wanted me drug tested before last night’s debate. And look, I’ve got to tell you, I am so flattered that Donald thought I used some sort of performance enhancer. Now, actually, I did. It’s called preparation.”

Clinton’s worst jokes

“People look at the Statue of Liberty and they see a proud symbol of our history as a nation of immigrants, a beacon of hope for people around the world. Donald looks at the Statue of Liberty and sees a four. Maybe a five if she loses the torch and tablet and changes her hair.”

“And if Donald does win, it will be awkward at the annual president’s day photo, when all the former presidents gather at the White House, and not just with Bill. How is Barack going to get past the Muslim ban?”

“I have deep respect for people like Kellyanne Conway. She’s working day and night for Donald and, because she’s a contractor, he’s probably not even going to pay her.”

“You look so good in your tuxes — or, as I refer to them, formal pantsuits.”