The Best 'Why I Am Leaving Goldman Sachs' Parodies So Far

Todd Wasserman
March 14, 2012

A blistering op-ed about Goldman Sachs in The New York Times has prompted the typical Internet reaction to a cri de coeur: Twitter chatter, link-dropping and the inevitable parodies.

The op-ed, authored by former Goldman Sachs executive director Greg Smith, explains why he is leaving the investment bank. The piece has only been up since Tuesday night, but a few enterprising satirists have already rushed out responses.

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So far, the one getting the most attention is from The Daily Mash, which is ostensibly penned by Darth Vader. "Why I Am Leaving the Empire details the former Anakin Skywalker's disgust with the current day Empire:

"The Empire is one of the galaxy's largest and most important oppressive regimes and it is too integral to galactic murder to continue to act this way. The firm has veered so far from the place I joined right out of Yoda College that I can no longer in good conscience point menacingly and say that I identify with what it stands for.

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Meanwhile, Michael Comeau at Minyanville has responded opportunistically with "Why I Am Applying for an Executive Director Position at Goldman Sachs." Comeau, noting the opening created by Smith's sudden absence, has addressed a letter to Goldman CEO Lloyd Blankfein:

My proudest moments in life -- getting accepted to Brooklyn College, passing Intro to Chemistry, and competing in countless Wiffle-ball and roller-hockey games, known as the Brooklyn Olympics -- were achieved through pure awesomeness, with no shortcuts.

And more importantly, Lloyd, I know how to keep my mouth shut.

Not to be outdone, comedy writer Andy Borowitz has penned a letter on Borowitz Report putatively from Blankfein detailing the succession plan for Smith:

As to those of you who were serviced by Mr. Smith, it’s understandable that you would be concerned about who will be taking his place going forward. On that front, I have some exciting news: today, Goldman is pleased to announce that our new executive director and head of the United States equity derivatives business in Europe, the Middle East and Africa will be Mr. Joseph Kony. For those unfamiliar with Mr. Kony’s resume, let me assure you that he has the character and moral standards you have come to expect from Goldman, and like the rest of us here at the bank, he has dedicated his life to doing the Lord’s work.

Have you seen any good Goldman parodies? Let us know in the comments.

This story originally published on Mashable here.