It's the Internet and it's the end of the year, which can only mean one thing: We're drowning in lists. Everyone and their dog has to name the best worst top bottom most least whatever of the year. Why? Because everybody loves lists – or at least they did until BuzzFeed came along. Now we're not so sure.
So we decided to do you, our readers, a favor, and name the best of the many year-end lists that have appeared so far. By “best,” of course, we mean whatever lists we felt like including.
Here's our own top 10 of (mostly) top 10s, based on no obvious criteria whatsoever. It starts appropriately enough with Oxford Dictionaries' word of the year, Selfie.
1. Best and worst selfies of 2013
The Guardian's Stuart Heritage offers a cheeky salute to the best and worst of this year's narcissistic shutterbugs. On the just-get-over-your-famous-selfie side, there's naked Geraldo, Justin Bieber's creepy arm tattoos, Rihanna with an endangered primate on her shoulder, and Kim Kardashian's bountiful booty. On the positive side are the Pope, a recumbent David Cameron, and the Obama daughters. But the clear winner is astronaut Luca Parmitano, who captured himself in his reflective visor surrounded by earth and the endless void of space. Is he making a duck-face inside his helmet? We'll never know.
2. Top 10 overpaid actors
Number one on the list: Adam Sandler, who pockets a cool $15 mill per pic (yes, even for stinkers like Jack & Jill). According to Forbes, for every dollar the alleged Grown Up was paid, his films grossed $3.40, giving him the lowest average return of any Hollywood star. We know what you're thinking: Where's Nicholas Cage? He's at number 4, taking in $6 of box office for every dollar of salary. Congratulations, everyone!
3. Top toys of 1913 and 2013
Give the MyHeritage blog props for comparing kids' wish lists a century apart. Rummaging through historical newspaper collections, the genealogy site tabulated the items that appeared most often in childrens' Dear Santa letters 100 years ago, then compared them to the most popular toys from today's major retailers. The most requested gift of the pre-WWI era? Candy, followed by nuts, a rocking horse, a doll, and mittens. Their contemporary equivalents: Furby Boom, Tekstra Robotic Puppy, LeapPad Ultra, Flying Fairy, and Big Hugs Elmo. Maybe a zombie apocalypse wouldn't be such a bad thing after all.
4. Top 10 weirdest baby names
Time combed Babycenter's database of the 500,000 most popular baby names of 2013 and came up with this admittedly subjective list . Are Cheese, Panda, and Butterbean truly weirder kids' names than Chloe, Parker, or Bailey? Yes, they are – and so are Blip, Kiwi, Leviathan, Yash, and Stetson. The moms and dads who foisted these monikers upon their helpless progeny deserve a special place in parenting hell, one where everyone is named Miggy and talks like Big Hugs Elmo.
5. The Most Dangerous Toys
Just in time for holiday shopping season, World Against Toys Causing Harm (WATCH) published its annual list of gifts even naughty girls and boys don't deserve to find in their stockings. Like, for example, Mattel's Max Steel Interactive Steel with Turbo Sword, a two-foot-long plastic blade whose packaging urges kids to “attach steel to 'turbo-fy' the sword.” What could possibly go wrong? There's also the Black Widow Folding Slingshot (illegal in four states), the Disney Backpack Princess Fishing Kit (warning: contains lead-based fairy dust), and Disney Baby Snow White (a choking hazard, and also just plain creepy). Who designed these things, The Grinch?
6. Top 10 Searches
What, you think we'd leave this out? Not surprisingly, celebrities dominated the things Yahoo fans sought most in 2013, with twerking girl Miley Cyrus bumping a pregnant Kim Kardashian out of the top spot this year. Also on the list: Justin Bieber, Selena Gomez, and Amanda Bynes. It's like a 12-step meeting at the Disney Channel Rehab Center.
7. Top Trending Videos
“What does the Fox say?” He says don't watch Ylvis's insipid video, even if it was YouTube's number one trending vid for 2013, garnering more than 275 million views. Skip number two, too: Yet another take on the Harlem Shake, this one from the Norwegian army. (Yes, Norway has one – who knew?) The rest, though, are pretty good, even if three of them are really commercials in disguise. Be sure to watch Steve Kardynal's Chatroulette version of Miley Cyrus's “Wrecking Ball,” which almost redeems the original.
8. Top Facebook check-in locations
The Happiest Place on Earth is also the most social, at least according to Facebook. More people checked in with Mickey and Minnie in California's Disneyland than they did from New York's Times Square, the Piazza San Marco in Venice, or India's Golden Temple. Overall, Disney properties accounted for five of the world's 34 most popular check-in locales. Hey, you gotta do something when you're stuck in line for hours.
9. Top 10 Apologies
In an era where every public gaffe goes viral, apologizing has become a kind of art form. Time's list of the sorriest celebrities includes Alec Baldwin, Rupert Murdoch, Oprah, President Barack Obama, and Paula Deen, all furiously trying to wipe the egg from their faces. Strangely, Toronto's crack-smoking impulse-control-challenged Mayor Rob Ford is only number two. We demand a recount.
10. The Best GIFs of 1835
No, that's not a typo. Endlessly looping images are nothing new; they were invented early in the 19th century using magic lanterns, zoetropes, phenakistoscopes, thaumatropes, and other obscure devices you've never heard of. Collector Richard Balzer has animated them as GIFs and offers the top ten on a Tumblr blog, as well as a complete “museum” here. Best of all? There's not a single adorable kitten or twerking pop-star among them.