A 'Month of Silence' After Birth Isn't Just Unrealistic, It's Downright Dangerous
On August 10, Nikki Reed and Ian Somerhalder welcomed their daughter Bodhi Soleil Reed Somerhalder, who will most likely be one of the most beautiful human babies ever created. E! News announced the arrival, but there was no official word from the celebrity couple. That's because, just a day earlier, they announced that they would institute a "month of silence" following the birth.
Reed explained their reasoning in an interview with Fit Pregnancy. "We'll take the baby's first month for ourselves. After the baby arrives, we're doing one month of silence. Just the three of us, no visitors, and we're turning off our phones too, so there's no expectation for us to communicate. Otherwise, every five minutes it would be, 'How are you feeling? Can we have a picture?' You don't get those first 30 days back, and we want to be fully present."
To our friends, family, and rest of the world. In my 38 years on this earth I've never experienced anything more powerful and beautiful than this. I can't think of anything more exciting than this next chapter and we wanted you to hear this from us first. This has been the most special time of our lives and we wanted to keep it between the three of us for as long as possible so we could enjoy this time with each other and our little one who is growing so fast...because that's what they do, they grow so fast. Thank you for your kind energy. Love,Ian
source: iansomerhalder@Instagram
She's right, those first 30 days are a tiny window of magic. That's when you want to do all the bonding you can as a new family. But cutting off your extended family and friends seems unrealistic and unfair. Don't they deserve a chance to connect with the newest member of their family (blood-related or not)? And don't you want their help during this crazy transition time?
As a (non-celeb) mom who's been through that process five times now, I'm not sure I'd want a month of silence. One of the first things I learned as a new mom was how vitally important other moms of all ages and stages are. Everything is new to you at this stage, and it can be easy to feel alone and scared. Opening yourself up to the people around you is a guarantee that you'll have support at the very least, and access to crucial information at best. No one wants to be barraged with unsolicited advice, but sometimes another mom's reassurance that the two-week sniffles are a real thing or her tip for kneading gas bubbles out of a baby's tummy is the difference between sanity and a crying jag while panic-calling the pediatrician.
Speaking of sanity, I believe going incommunicado for a month could actually be hazardous to your mental health. About two weeks after my first baby was born, I got hit hard with postpartum depression and anxiety. Here's the thing about PPD - it's really freaking hard to recognize it in yourself. My husband, brand-new to this whole parenting thing himself, thought my refusing to put my baby down, not sleeping or eating, and second-guessing every decision was just what new moms do. It took a dear friend telling me this wasn't normal and I needed help to get me to see the deep dive I'd taken into the dark side.
A close female relative of mine had an even worse experience. She'd isolated herself after the birth of her first child, and when she finally let me come visit, I was horror-struck by her mental and physical state. She had crossed into postpartum psychosis and was having delusions and serious thoughts of harming herself and her baby. None of us knew because she wouldn't let us in.
One mom's cocoon of quiet bliss could be another's solitary cell of insanity.
Will every mom have mental health issues after giving birth? Of course not. But one mom's cocoon of quiet bliss could be another's solitary cell of insanity - and you won't know which one it will be for you until you're in it. Postpartum depression and anxiety are common enough that it's wise to have others (who aren't your partner) check in on you. Sure, they'll probably ask for a picture and maybe they'll be a little annoying with all their unsolicited advice, but isn't it better to be a over-loved than not loved enough? Plus, they'll probably bring dinner.
Nikki and Ian may have the best of intentions with their "month of silence" idea, but I don't think it's one that most moms should embrace. (And, actually, they already broke it, at least on social media.) There are just so many things you can't know before your baby is born, and that includes how you'll react to the hormone crash. A month of tuning out of social media and putting off well-meaning but distant relatives? Great idea. Shutting out other moms and loving friends and family who will be your most critical support system? That just seems like needlessly putting yourself at risk.
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