A 'conversation' with Google's recently fired Tech-Bro-in-Chief

The man behind the infamous Google memo has decided he'd like to further his career in shitty memos by writing an editorial for The Wall Street Journal.

On Friday, James Damore published a "Well, Actually" piece for the Journal, technically titled "Why I Was Fired." In it, Damore claims that he was the innocent victim of the leftwing ideological echo chamber that is Google: a company that, it should be noted, remains 69% male and 56% white. 

As a biological woman, I'm too highly neurotic and cooperative to confront Damore directly. I would, however, still like to have a conversation with him that showcases my evolutionary tendency to be agreeable, cooperative and enthusiastic!!!!

SEE ALSO: Google reportedly fires engineer for sexist 'manifesto'

Below are portions of Damore's piece and my far inferior rebuttal (it's not sexism, guys, I'm just genetically not as talented as him).

Damore: I was fired by Google this past Monday for a document that I wrote and circulated internally raising questions about cultural taboos and how they cloud our thinking about gender diversity at the company and in the wider tech sector.

Dockray: Woooow, that's terrible! Small edit: I believe you were technically fired because you don't believe 31% of your coworkers are more than a stereotype.

Damore: I suggested that at least some of the male-female disparity in tech could be attributed to biological differences (and, yes, I said that bias against women was a factor too). Google Chief Executive Sundar Pichai declared that portions of my statement violated the company’s code of conduct and “cross the line by advancing harmful gender stereotypes in our workplace.”  

Dockray: That's awful! As a woman, I really appreciate it when a male engineer suggests I struggle with neuroticism and anxiety because I don't have a penis. 

Damore: ... having these views challenged can be painful, so we tend to avoid people with differing values and to associate with those who share our values . . . [Nowadays] we are more mobile and can sort ourselves into different communities; we wait longer to find and choose just the right mate; and we spend much of our time in a digital world personalized to fit our views.

Dockray: YES. Though I'm not 100% sure that if I was less "mobile" I would want to become bffs with someone who wants to "demoralize diversity"  and "de-emphasize empathy". Please never run for public office. 

Damore: Google is a particularly intense echo chamber because it is in the middle of Silicon Valley and is so life-encompassing as a place to work. With free food, internal meme boards and weekly companywide meetings, Google becomes a huge part of its employees’ lives. Some even live on campus. 

Dockray: Sounds like they definitely don't have enough money to fund those diversity programs.

Damore: In my document, I committed heresy against the Google creed by stating that not all disparities between men and women that we see in the world are the result of discriminatory treatment. 

Dockray: That is correct, you did. 

Damore:  When I first circulated the document about a month ago to our diversity groups and individuals at Google, there was no outcry or charge of misogyny. I engaged in reasoned discussion with some of my peers on these issues, but mostly I was ignored.

Dockray: Good job, most of your peers.

Damore: Everything changed when the document went viral within the company and the wider tech world. Those most zealously committed to the diversity creed — that all differences in outcome are due to differential treatment and all people are inherently the same — could not let this public offense go unpunished. 

Dockray: Yo liberals: can you please show a little more respect for "de-emphasize empathy" conservatives? #BothSides

Damore: When the whole episode finally became a giant media controversy, thanks to external leaks, Google had to solve the problem caused by my supposedly sexist, anti-diversity manifesto, and the whole company came under heated and sometimes threatening scrutiny.

Dockray: I think you typed "supposedly" when you meant to say "definitely"  —  but maybe your agreeable woman editor just didn't want to say anything.

Damore: It saddens me to leave Google and to see the company silence open and honest discussion. If Google continues to ignore the very real issues raised by its diversity policies and corporate culture, it will be walking blind into the future — unable to meet the needs of its remarkable employees and sure to disappoint its billions of users.

Dockray: Who the fuck knows what will happen? In the meantime, consider this one user satisfied.

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