8 of the most HUMILIATING things Republican Senator Ted Cruz has ever done

Ted Cruz's political gaffes are giving us LIFE.

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Far-right Texas Senator Ted Cruz has been a member of Congress for over a decade now, and in that time, he has made it his life’s mission to strip the LGBTQ+ community of as many rights as possible, hold up important legislation like the Affordable Care Act, and ignore the needs of his constituents.

Unlink moronic members of the GOP members like Marjorie Taylor Greene and Ron DeSantis, Cruz is more intelligent than his actions would lead you to believe. He graduated cum laude from Princeton, went to Harvard Law, and clerked on the Supreme Court — he’s no dummy. Cruz is something far more sinister than the Lauren Boeberts of the world. While he makes idiotic choices that come back to bite him and leave him open to ridicule, he’s an intelligent politician who knows how to accomplish things in Washington — which makes him more dangerous — and his political gaffes are often calculated. And yet, he still manages to make a fool of himself fairly regularly.

So until he’s voted out of office, we’ll take pleasure in laughing at all of the dumb and humiliating things Cruz has ever done. Sometimes, it's the small things that make life worth living.

1. His joke backfired

This week, in retaliation for calling him out for bad behavior, Cruz tried to make fun of Democratic Sen. Scott Wiener but failed spectacularly when his joke referenced an entirely different politician who happens to share a similar last name.

“Wait, I thought this guy was thrown out of Congress for sending naked pictures of himself?” Cruz wrote on X, talking about the Anthony Weiner sexting scandal. Either Cruz is an idiot and mixed up the two politicians, or he did it on purpose to discredit Wiener, who is a gay man. He’s human trash, is what we’re saying.

Luckily Wiener immediately shot back, referencing the fact that they attended Harvard Law School together in the '90s, "Ted, remember when we went to law school together & everyone hated you?"

2. The tight pants debacle

In February 2024, a photo of Ted Cruz went viral on X (formerly Twitter) because of the very tight pants he wore to an event at Mar-a-Lago that showed off his…weirdly shaped bulge that some people were calling his "camel toe." The internet had a field day, creating countless memes about the upsetting sight.

3. Trying to make a joke about his own cruelty

In 2021, the Texas senator took off for Cancun, Mexico, while his constituents were stuck in a state devastated by a harsh winter storm. Classy.

Then, earlier this year, he joked about the cruel way he handled that storm — you know, by using his money and influence to jet off to a warmer climate while people froze — when the state was going through another cold snap. ”Texans, with the freeze coming, wrap your pipes, cover your plants, stay off icy roads & keep your family safe,” he wrote on X. “And, if it gets too damn cold, join me in Cancun!”

Well, as long as he got lulz, we guess it’s ok to kick people while they're down — especially when part of your job is to help the people in the community you represent.

4. Telling women what they want in bed

Last year, while speaking at America Fest — an annual event organized by the far-right group Turning Point USA — Cruz gave a speech where he shouted about how "unhappy" and "pissed off" the left is before saying that Democratic women aren't being satisfied in bed. "By the way, if you were a Liberal woman, and you had to sleep with those weenies, you'd be pissed too," Cruz said.

The viral video footage is so deeply unsexy that Planned Parenthood probably considers it a form of birth control. While the video will make you shudder, the comment section is filled with priceless jokes at Cruz's expense.

5. Talking about another politician's junk

Last year, while ranting about Target selling tuck-friendly swimsuits — ones that allow trans and nonbinary folks to conceal their genitalia — on Newsmax host Benny Johnson’s podcast, Cruz couldn’t stop talking about another politician’s junk.
Johnson asked, “Do you think that Eric Swalwell wears a tuck-friendly swimsuit?” To which, Cruz answered, “He may be wearing one right now… to be fair in order to have a tuck-friendly swimsuit, you have to have something to tuck.”

Later, Cruz said, “You’re going to get me into trouble for that! I’m just making an observation about anatomy. Let me be clear, I’m not a biologist so how can I know?”Yep, it’s totally normal for two straight, anti-LGBTQ+ men to obsess over another man's penis — nothing to see here.

6. Elbowing his wife in the face

In 2016, Cruz gave a speech in Indianapolis announcing he was dropping out of the Republican presidential race when he went to hug his dad and ended up elbowing his wife in the face, not once, but three times.

The moment was caught on tape and quickly went viral on social media, where people roasted Cruz and even slowed down the footage to show how badly he whacked his wife in the face.

7. He Filibustered using Dr. Seuss

In 2013, Cruz tried to tank the Affordable Care Act in the most childish, ridiculous way possible. The government was shut down for 21 straight hours while the GOP filibustered to try to prevent funding for Obamacare. Cruz managed to speak for 13 of those hours, including making the asinine choice to read Dr. Seuss’ Green Eggs and Ham, NPR reported It’s both infuriating and cringe-inducing to watch.

8. Losing a battle of wits with a puppet

In 2018, Triumph the Insult Comic Dog traveled to Texas for The Late Show with Stephen Colbert to talk to the candidates in the Senate race, and when he interviewed Cruz, magic happened.

"I just want to say to Triumph, my advice is walk away, and just remember it wasn't the Republicans, it was the Democrats who took you in to get fixed," Cruz said, laughing at his own very unfunny joke, as reported by Esquire.

”I support spaying and neutering just like Trump did to you," Triumph fired back. It was glorious!