7 Women On What It Was Like to Propose
If you've only ever been on the receiving end of a marriage proposal, it's impossible to grasp just how much planning, sweat, fear, and excitement is involved in helping to create one of the most memorable days of life. When searching for women who boldly went where so many haven't and proposed to their partners instead of waiting for them to pop the question, one thing became obvious: In heterosexual relationships, at least, the onus is still largely on the man to decide when to propose, purchase, and give a ring, and make sure that day is special.
But times have changed. Celebrities like Kristen Bell have popped the question to their significant others. And some non-famous women are completely balking tradition by handling everything from the rings to asking for a parent's blessing to asking at a perfectly planned moment. Others are simply making it known to their partners (in no uncertain terms) that they are the lucky person they want to spend the rest of their lives with - and that they don't want to wait for "the rest of their lives" to begin.
These 7 badass women shared their stories of how they proposed marriage to their partners. Their anecdotes differ greatly, but the message is similar: Women, if you want something or someone, go on and get it.
1. "I knew I loved him and wanted to get on with it."
"We were dating for 3 years. I was ready. I knew I loved him and wanted to get on with it. I was so nervous when I asked his dad for permission. It was Thanksgiving and I wanted to ask Todd the next day so I had to do it and I made a deal with myself that I'd do it before Thanksgiving dinner. I told his parents, "So, I'm going to ask Todd to marry me." His dad said, "Hey, that's great!" His mom asked me, "You gotta ring?"
Proposing at Ridge Lytton Springs Vineyard was one of those stressful occasions where nothing went quite as I planned - right up until the point where it worked out perfectly! Our friends were with us and they were prepped for photos, the vineyard was open so you could walk around, we went to 'check out the grapes' and I walked us a little bit up this hill and then I went to kneel on one knee - and realized I was on the downhill slope. He's 6'4" so he was so far up there. I just said I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him, would he marry me - very simple and quick. He laughed and said "Of course." We hugged, we all laughed, took a bunch of pictures, and he kept looking at me and smiling the rest of the day." - Caryn G., Eugene, OR
2. "We literally picked the SAME NIGHT to propose."
"I decided to propose to Matt after we'd been dating for about 7 years. We'd talked about getting married a lot, but it didn't seem like he was ever going to do it and I'm not exactly a patient person. I really didn't like the idea of him getting down on one knee and asking me to marry him because it felt too traditional and gendered and it really didn't reflect our relationship. It just felt dated to me - a marriage should be a decision between two people, not a question. I don't think there is any reason a man should have to be the one to ask a woman to marry him, but if that's what you want, great!
I bought a ring for him because I was scared if I didn't he might not take it seriously since it's so uncommon for women to propose to their partners. I bought him a silver ring that I figured he would replace when we got wedding rings, which he could pick out himself. He did end up replacing the engagement ring with a gold wedding ring that matches mine, but he still has the engagement ring.
I planned to propose by writing him a bunch of notes with puzzles he had to solve at the end (we're really into words games). I gave him the notes throughout a weekend vacation in Traverse City, Michigan. In the last note, I planned for him to rearrange words that would say "Will you marry me?" On our last night in TC we were camping and he asked if I wanted to picnic on the beach. I thought it would be perfect because I could give him the last note there and propose on the beach! Except he planned this picnic with wine and olives and cheese and then he pulled out a poster where we had put all of these photos of us and we had to write down our best memories together and then he proposed to me before I could give him the note.
It was very funny and weird that we literally picked the SAME NIGHT to propose, but it ended up being the perfect combination because we both got to propose and we both got to be proposed to. It made so much sense in our particular relationship." - Lucy H., Ann Arbor, MI
3. " It was sort of a joke."
"I saw him at a meeting about helping out at the then upcoming federal election, but we didn't meet. At the election, he came and introduced himself and then we were handing out election flyers at a polling place for the rest of the day. We went out to celebrate/commiserate since our candidate did not win his seat, and after speaking for a while I just thought that he was the perfect one for me. It was sort of a joke, but I got down on one knee on the main road and asked if he would marry me. He suggested we wait until we'd known each other a bit longer, like 12 hours or so. We went to a few bars, and when he went to the bathroom later in the night, I sent my friend a message that I thought he really was the one and that I had to marry him. Five and a half months later, he proposed to me after a romantic dinner overlooking the Sydney Harbour Bridge. He sprung the ring on me, I was bawling, and we got married a year later." - Micayla L., Salem, OR
4. "I kind of, sort of proposed to my husband as in, 'So, when are we going to make it official?'"
"We were dating for a few weeks. But we're orthodox Jews and in our community, you only date with an eye toward marriage. You either get engaged quickly or stop dating. Three weeks is actually a long time in that context. I kind of, sort of proposed to my husband as in, "So, when are we going to make it official?" because it was a forgone conclusion and I was getting antsy waiting for him to actually pop the question. He laughed and said, "A woman chases a man until he catches her." He proposed with a ring a week later, we got married four months later, and we've been together for 37 years and have 12 children." - Varda Meyers E., Efrat, Israel
5. "I think we both just knew it was right."
"I could tell he was thinking about asking me to marry him in the future. I'm six and a half years older than him and while we were driving one day to Pennsylvania and just hanging out talking I was like, 'I want to get married, so do you want to marry me?' He said 'yes' and I got him an engagement ring a few months later and eventually told him the style and cut of a ring I like. We've been married for 2 years." - Lauren Cunha K., Flemington, N.J.
6. "I proposed because it was time for us to move forward."
"Sre and I had been together for 3 years when I popped the question on Christmas morning. We were sitting in my childhood bedroom with my parents waiting for us to come to breakfast. I gave him a vintage Rolex watch because every time I asked him if he wanted to 'put a ring on it,' he responded with 'why don't you put a Rolex on it?' So I did, and Sre said yes! I know many people deep down believe that if a women has to propose it means that the man isn't committed, but that isn't our story.
We had a good life and a good partnership, but we both knew Sre's parents in India were going to be very upset about our marriage. I'm white and probably a good bit older than who they would have chosen for his arranged marriage. So our relationship plateaued because neither one of us was ready to take that leap and face the struggle.
I proposed because it was time for us to move forward, and Sre needed me to be strong. I grabbed his hand and told him that I couldn't see the rest of my life without him, no matter the consequences. It wasn't like the movies. You don't just profess your love and tell your unsupportive parents to go to hell. The coming year was an emotional roller coaster that impacted our lives in very dramatic ways. His parents grieved, and we went through that process with them. Our wedding day in 2016 made it all worth it. It was a joyous occasion with many of Sre's family in attendance. His parents were not able to come, but we will be going to India soon for a Hindu ceremony. Hopefully they will continue to heal and accept me, but I think it will always be a little difficult for them." - Lana S. Decatur, GA
7. "I said 'I'm getting married this September with or without you.'"
"We had just come out of a church meeting where a woman was talking about how she proposed to her husband and I was really fired up. It was this January. and I really wanted to get married this year. I was starting to feel like I wouldn't have enough time to plan my wedding if he didn't pop the question so I cornered him while we were on the highway and said, "I'm getting married this September with or without you. So are you in?"
We decided to get married then and there but didn't tell anyone outside of our family because he wanted to propose to me (he's a traditionalist). He then surprised me with a proposal in Disney World. Technically, we both proposed." - Sarah B., Salt Lake City, Utah
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