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You get enough comments on all of the downsides or perceived negatives about being a single mom — and you don’t even need the comments because the realities are in your face on a daily basis. But there are a bazillion good things about being a single mom, too, some of them frivolous; some of them important. Focus on these the next time you wish you knew how to change a tire or that someone else could get up with that sick toddler.
1. You can make your bedroom as feminine as you want it to be.
No gender-neutral compromises on bed linens for you. You can geek out on florals and stripes and checks and combinations thereof, and you can have them in lots of pretty, delicate colors. Not only that, but it’s totally okay for you to have 87 throw pillows and even sleep with them if you want to.
2. No more man crumbs.
You are no longer faced with the flotsam and jetsam involved with having a husband-in-residence. No more beard shavings in the bathroom sink. No more greasy tools spread around the garage like fairy dust. No more balled-up black socks under the couch cushions. No more magazines with camo on the covers. No more counter art in the form of keys, coins and miscellaneous screws.
Sure, you still have to deal with Lego landmines, but you’d have those anyway.
3. You will never have to watch another Steven Seagal movie. Ever.
Not ever. Enough said.
4. Slumber parties.
The world is your oyster. You can have your best girlfriends gather for girls’ night and a sleepover, complete with wine, nail polish, sushi and unsexy but very comfortable jammies. Or, you’re free to have all of the kids pile onto your bed for a Disney flick and a group sleep.
Your house. Your bed. Your rules.
5. You no longer have to cook that meal you hate just because it’s his favorite.
Elk chili? Permanently removed from the house menu. Three-meat burritos? No longer served here. His mother’s ground turkey stroganoff? Mail the recipe back to her. Cook what you like and eat with relish, no pun intended.
6. You just added 12 ½ weeks back into your life.
Let’s do some fun math. Let’s say it takes you 1 hour to do a load of laundry. Let’s also calculate that you used to do one load of laundry for your husband each week. If you calculate one load of laundry each week for what would have been the next forty years, by not doing that laundry you just added 2080 hours back into your life. That’s almost 12 ½ weeks, enough for 6 vacations.
We won’t even go into how much time you’ll save by not having ex-sex. Go do the Dance of Joy.
7. If the toilet seat is up, it’s because you’re cleaning the toilet.
Granted, if you have a son, you could theoretically still face an occasional vertical toilet seat. But you’re a single mom, which means you’re going to raise your son to live with women. So falling into your toilet in the middle of the night is unlikely, unless you’re inebriated or have an inner ear infection.
So the next time your Aunt Hildegard (or your sub-conscious) starts rattling off all of the tragic elements of being a single mother, whip out this list of truly awesome benefits.
Then go have some ice cream. Any flavor you want. Because all the ice cream are belong to you.
Unomum is our space to explore the many million issues of single motherhood, but it’s also for all the ladies — women stuck in shitty marriages, unfulfilled broads wishing for divorce, and happily coupled former single moms with a shit-ton of wisdom to share.
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