7 most HUMILIATING things Republican Speaker Mike Johnson has ever done

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You may not have heard of Republican Mike Johnson prior to him taking over as the Speaker of the House, but he’s been quietly pushing his ultra-conservative Christian values for years.

Johnson is a particularly dangerous politician because although his party is so divided they can’t get anything done, despite having a majority in the House, he has made it clear that he wants to turn the United States into a Christian theocracy with just the veneer of democracy to appease the masses. He opposed no-fault divorce, has said he would support a ban on birth control, wants to grant personhood to fertilized eggs, and also opposes gay marriage, gender-neutral bathrooms, and gender-affirming care. He may occasionally seem less diabolical when compared to Representatives like Marjorie Taylor Greene, but make no mistake; Johnson wants to strip everyone except for straight, cis, Christian men of their rights.

Luckily, he’s also been making a fool of himself throughout his career. From his bizarre rules about porn to comparing himself to Biblical figures, Johnson has no shortage of hilarious and embarrassing flubs for us to revel in.

Back in February, Johnson had one of his most embarrassing moments on Capitol Hill, and watching him go down in flames was glorious! After months of listening to Republicans drone on about increasing aid to Israel and wanting to impeach Homeland Security Secretary Alejandro Mayorkas, the issues were taken to the House floor for a vote, and both suffered a stunning defeat. This loss was particularly humiliating for Johnson because Republican’s have a majority in the House and supposedly had overwhelming support for this legislative fight. The loss was so bad that conservative congressmen spoke out, including Rep. Troy Nehls, who called the vote “Shameful. Embarrassing,” USA Today reports.

He made his son his porn "accountability partner"

In 2022, Johnson made the truly bizarre choice to admit that he and his son — yes, his teenage son — are each other’s porn “accountability partners,” meaning that they both have an app on their phones that gives them each a weekly report on what sinful content the other person has viewed. That’s not creepy at all.

“He’s 17, so he and I get a report about all the things that are on our phones, all of our devices, once a week,” Johnson explained in an interview at Louisiana’s Cypress Baptist Church. “If anything objectionable comes up, your accountability partner gets an immediate notice.”Johnson went on to brag that his son has never watched porn. Right. “I’m proud to tell you, my son has a clean slate,” he said.

He wanted to be a locker room pervert

Last year, while talking about why Johnson is against gender-inclusive bathrooms, he admitted that, given the chance, he would have dressed as a woman to sneak into a girl’s locker room. “I went to Captain Shreve High School,” Johnson continued. “I graduated in 1990. My crew, my boys… I can tell you, they would’ve said, ‘Hey, next Thursday is gender identity day, man. You know, we’re going to self-identify as girls, and we’re going to be in the other locker room.’ It opens it up to high jinks and all sorts of problems.”

So basically, he’s anti-LGTBQ+ and a creep. Got it.

He compared himself to Moses

While speaking at a Christian nationalist event last fall, Johnson compared himself to Moses and said that God told him to prepare for a "Red Sea moment." And because he's a moron, Johnson failed to notice the cameras pointed at him and didn't realize that his speech, given to the National Association of Christian Lawmakers, was being recorded and posted to their Facebook page, Rolling Stone reports. In his speech, he revealed that while vying for the Speaker of the House position, he thought the Lord was trying to "choose a new Moses." At first, he assumed he was supposed to be Aaron — the prophet's brother — until God told him that he needed to "set forward" and be Moses.

So he's dumb and arrogant. What a winning combination.

He blamed school shootings on evolution

Not only has Johnson blamed school shootings on abortions, but he has also pointed a finger at teaching evolution in schools. In a 2016 sermon, he explained that evolution teaches that there is “no right or wrong” or “sacred value” to life, which leads kids to shoot up their schools…we guess?

“People say, ‘How can a young person go into their schoolhouse and open fire on their classmates?’ Because we’ve taught a whole generation—a couple generations now—of Americans, that there’s no right or wrong, that it’s about survival of the fittest, and [that] you evolve from the primordial slime,” Johnson said, Vanity Fair reports. Why is that life of any sacred value? Because there’s nobody sacred to whom it’s owed. None of this should surprise us.”

Unsurprisingly, his logic is hard to follow.

He acted like IVF is new technology

Not only is Johnson so pro-life he’d be at home in The Handmaid’s Tale, but he also believes that life begins at fertilization. While the GOP grapples with how in vitro fertilization fits into their dystopian vision of a pro-life America, Johnson is out here acting like IVF is a brand new technology we don’t fully understand yet.

“It’s something that we’ve got to grapple with,” he said in an interview with CBS Mornings, Politico reports. “It’s a brave new world. IVF’s only been invented I think in the early '70s … we support the sanctity of life, of course, and we support IVF and full access to it.”

Do you think he realizes that the ‘70s were 50 years ago?

No one wants to come to his party

This year the House GOP’s annual retreat will be sparsely attended thanks to Johnson. Each year, the event is led by the current Speak of the House, but this time around hardly any Republicans have indicated they’ll be attending, Newsweek reports. There are 219 Republican representatives in the House, but fewer than 100 are planning to be there — how embarrassing for you, Mike. We’d almost feel sorry for the guy if he wasn’t, you know, homophobic, transphobic, and misogynistic.