Advertisement

Close this content

The 50 Most Common Marriage Problems — Plus, How to Fix Them

Charlotte Andersen

March 29, 2017 at 2:13 PM

<p>Here's what <em>you</em> can do to avoid ending up on their couch.</p>

<p><span>"Can we just be honest? People do stuff that gets on our nerves at times. That's true of all of us, even with the people we love the most. Great couples have learned not to let those little things distract from the major things — like love and commitment. Instead of creating a mental list of all the things your partner does that annoy you, make a list of all the things they do well. Then extend grace for minor annoyances, knowing that your partner likely does the same for you." —</span><em>Fran Walfish, Ph.D., Beverly Hills family and relationship psychotherapist, </em><em>author</em><em>, and co-star on </em>Sex Box<em>, WE tv</em><br></p><p><span><strong>RELATED: <a rel="nofollow noopener" href="http://www.redbookmag.com/life/advice/g3349/marriage-relationship-advice-from-divorce-lawyers/" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:10 Surprising Relationship Tips Divorce Lawyers Wish You Knew;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link ">10 Surprising Relationship Tips Divorce Lawyers Wish You Knew</a></strong></span></p>

<p><span>"It's very common for couples to put their work, household responsibilities, needs of the children, and even extended family's needs before that of their relationship. To fix this, you must be conscious of it and deliberately prioritize your marriage first. Check in with each other several times a day, maintain daily physical touch like offering a hug or sharing small caresses, express gratitude for even simple acts of caring and thoughtfulness, and put aside dedicated couple time at least once a week." —</span><em><a rel="nofollow noopener" href="http://www.consum-mate.com/" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:Toni Coleman;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link ">Toni Coleman</a>, licensed psychotherapist and certified marriage counselor </em></p>

<p><span>"Many of the biggest problems in a relationship stem from wanting your partner to be your be-all and end-all, to fill all the holes in you, and to keep you feeling loved and appreciated at all times. That's a lot to ask of one person! Instead of waiting for them to 'complete' you, work on completing yourself. When you come into a marriage as a person who can stand on their own two feet and have a positive sense of self, you'll realize you don't need your partner to complete you. Then you will be able to feel truly loved and secure." —</span><em><a rel="nofollow noopener" href="http://www.evieshafner.com/" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:Evie Shafner;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link ">Evie Shafner</a>, marriage counselor and founder of the Los Angeles Women's Therapy Center</em></p>

<p><span>"Couples become impatient with one another over time. That personality quirk that use to be so cute becomes irritating and annoying after years together. And instead of finding a way to be at peace with it, realizing that this is who they are and not interpreting a certain intention behind the behavior, you are determined to point out how much you hate this behavior. So, your plan is to complain and even overtly show your disdain, hoping that this will get them to alter their ways. But that only ends up in fights and feelings that distance you in your relationship. Learn how to accept and find ways to appreciate the idiosyncrasies in the other person." —</span><em>Rhonda Milrad, founder and Chief Relationship Advisor of <a rel="nofollow noopener" href="http://www.relationup.com/" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:Relationup;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link ">Relationup</a> </em></p>

<p><span>"Sex can become predictable and boring after many years with the same person, and, for some couples, it is easy to move into a comfortable feeling of being best friends and lose their sexual passion for one another. The answer is to address it as fast as possible. Make a plan to initiate sex on a regular basis. Not being interested week after week can easily put you in a rut. Introduce new locations or positions and even visit a local adult store to find toys that you might be willing to try and have some fun with." —</span><em>Milrad</em><br></p><p><strong>RELATED: <a rel="nofollow noopener" href="http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/sex/advice/g527/spice-up-sex-life/" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:20 Ways You Can Immediately Spice Up Your Sex Life;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link ">20 Ways You Can Immediately Spice Up Your Sex Life</a></strong><br></p>

<p><span>"When a spouse loses their cool and lashes out in anger, you may be tempted to think they're verbally abusive. And while some spouses <em>may</em> be verbally abusive, most of the time their hysterics are an over-reaction to a trigger due to stress. Everyone has different ways of responding when under stress. While some minimize their energy and withdraw into their shell, others maximize their energy by making a lot of noise and being overly dramatic. Neither one is right, they're just ways of protecting ourselves. By creating safety in relationship, we can avoid these knee-jerk reactions and learn how to communicate and connect in a safe and productive way." —</span><em>Rabbi Shlomo Slatkin, licensed clinical professional counselor and co-founder of <a rel="nofollow noopener" href="http://www.themarriagerestorationproject.com/marriage-intensives" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:The Marriage Restoration Project;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link ">The Marriage Restoration Project</a></em><br></p>

<p><span>"Many couples think that when the going gets rough, it's the end of their marriage. The truth is, all couples experience the power struggle, and as they explore it in greater detail, they will realize that it's not a coincidence why they picked each other. They did not make the wrong choice, rather they made the right choice—one who will uniquely challenge them and push their buttons so that they can achieve ultimate personal growth and healing." —</span><em>Slatkin</em><br></p>

<p><span>"When we first meet and get married, there's a lot of conversation and sharing about who we each are. As the years go by, we think we know each other and continue to act as if neither has changed. But we don't stay the same over time. One way to avoid this is to keep asking each other questions. Make a specific time where you ask about each other's day. What was interesting? What was challenging? What was enjoyable? Don't assume you know. Also make sure you are really focused on each other." —</span><em>Lesli Doares, couples consultant and coach, </em><a rel="nofollow noopener" href="https://www.amazon.com/Blueprint-Lasting-Marriage-Complete-Intention/dp/1934509361?tag=syndication-20" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:author;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link "><em>author</em></a><em>, and host of </em><a rel="nofollow noopener" href="http://webtalkradio.net/" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:Happily Ever After is Just the Beginning;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link ">Happily Ever After is Just the Beginning</a><br></p>

<p><span>"Everything each person does directly or indirectly impacts the other. Making sure the relationship is working for both of you is the only way it will survive long-term. If one of you isn't happy with the way things are going, the relationship cannot be happy. When you're a team you will win together or lose together. The way you do this is to make decisions together. Learning how to reach agreement that you both can support and implement is critical. It keeps scorekeeping at bay as well as resentment. It can be fun—come up with a mascot, team colors, a mission statement, etc." —</span><em>Doares</em><br></p>

<p><span>"When you bring up the 'D word' — divorce — you threaten the relationship's security. This creates distrust and is a slippery slope. Unless you are genuinely considering divorce, do not bring it up." —</span><em>Rori Sassoon, relationship expert and founding partner of <a rel="nofollow noopener" href="https://www.platinumpoire.com/" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:Platinum Poire;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link ">Platinum Poire</a>, an invite-only couples service</em><br></p><p><strong>RELATED: <a rel="nofollow noopener" href="http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/relationships/g4098/signs-you-should-get-a-divorce/" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:9 Signs It's Time to Get a Divorce;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link ">9 Signs It's Time to Get a Divorce</a></strong><br></p>

<p><span>"It's such a simple thing that it often gets overlooked, but expressing appreciation to your partner for things they have done for the relationship and family is so important. Make it a practice to thank your spouse every day for something. This could mean thanking a stay-at-home parent for taking care of the kids, thanking the person who cooked the meal, or thanking your partner for working to provide income for the family." —</span><em>Allen W. Barton, Ph.D., research scientist at the University of Georgia's Center for Family Research and founder of <a rel="nofollow noopener" href="http://www.liveyourvows.com/" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:LiveYourVows;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link ">LiveYourVows</a></em><br></p>

<p><span>"Based on my research, I've found that many people tell white lies to their partner, and while the majority of people say that white lies are not OK, they still find excuses to tell them. For instance, on one survey, only 6% of people said it's better to lie if it prevents conflict, but when asked if there was ever a time that honesty was not the best option, about two-thirds could think of times they wouldn't be honest. The bottom line is that even small lies tend to cause distance, so it is better to thoughtfully be honest in the relationship, which will strengthen trust and improve closeness." —</span><em>Jason B. Whiting, Ph.D., professor of marriage and family therapy at Texas Tech University and author of</em><span> <a rel="nofollow noopener" href="https://www.amazon.com/Love-True-Overcoming-Surprising-Relationships/dp/1462118615?tag=syndication-20" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:Love Me True: Overcoming the Surprising Ways We Deceive In Relationships;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link ">Love Me True: Overcoming the Surprising Ways We Deceive In Relationships</a></span><br></p>

<p><span>"Many couples enter counseling because of buried resentments. A resentment is a need one person expects of another that isn't getting met, like frequency of sex, domestic responsibility division, life dreams, having a child versus not, or even something as simple as being late. Buried resentments cause relationship damage because they create a wedge between the couple, which leads to distance and contempt. If you need something from your partner, you must request it. Your partner cannot mind-read your unspoken expectations. It is your job to ask for what you need in a kind, compassionate way."</span><em> —Erika Boissiere, licensed marriage and family therapist and founder of <a rel="nofollow noopener" href="http://www.trisf.com/" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:The Relationship Institute of San Francisco;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link ">The Relationship Institute of San Francisco</a></em><br></p>

<p><span>"There is nothing quite like being criticized your partner — it can really sting. A criticism is an attack on the character and is usually a broad sweeping statement, starting with 'you always' or 'you never.' Eventually, the partner on the receiving end feels like they can never be enough, a feeling that can lead to the partner either giving up, or the partner going inward and creating distance to get some relief. Instead of 'You're always late!' use an 'I statement' paired with a request, such as, 'I really value punctuality. When I sit at a restaurant by myself waiting for you, I get increasingly lonely, anxious, and slightly embarrassed. I'd really like it if you could try to be more on time, especially when it comes to our dinners at a restaurant.'" —</span><em>Boissiere</em></p>

<p><span>"A major marriage mistake is when someone does something reckless, threatening, or destructive, and then expects the other person to just get over it. The truth is that sometimes a partner just can't 'get over it' and it's unrealistic to expect that. Instead, look for ways to openly discuss it in a calm way." —</span><em>Wendy Brown, clinical member of the Ontario Society of Psychotherapists and author of</em> <a rel="nofollow noopener" href="https://www.amazon.com/Love-Succeeds-Fails-Wendy-Brown-ebook/dp/B00EDOFE9Q?tag=syndication-20" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:Why Love Succeeds;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link ">Why Love Succeeds</a><br></p><p><strong>RELATED: <a rel="nofollow noopener" href="http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/relationships/g3721/things-you-should-never-say-in-a-relationship/" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:45 Things You Should Never Say In a Relationship;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link ">45 Things You Should Never Say In a Relationship</a></strong><br></p>

<p><span>"Too many people think their partners should know what they need and want without actually coming out and telling them. The solution to this communication gap is simply to ask – very specifically – for what you need. 'Can you please take the trash out?' or ''When I'm crying, please don't try to fix it, please just give me a hug and hold me until I'm done.' Be as specific as you can and don't expect them to read your mind." —</span><em><a rel="nofollow noopener" href="http://www.balancedparenting.com/" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:Bette Levy Alkazian;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link ">Bette Levy Alkazian</a>, therapist and parenting specialist</em></p>

<p><span>"Rather than say something potentially hurtful, many couples opt for saying nothing at all. While 'keeping the peace' seems like a reasonable strategy in the short term, the consequence of silence is emotional distance and it is this emotional distance that over time erodes intimacy. Speak your truth and be prepared to risk hurting the feelings of the one we love can create an intimacy that is stronger than temporary tears." —</span><em><a rel="nofollow noopener" href="http://www.senehicks.com.au/" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:Sene Hicks;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link ">Sene Hicks</a>, psychologist and relationship specialist</em></p>

<p><span>"Failing to get 'financially naked' can set you up for a number of problems down the road, both in your relationship and your finances. You're married now, so your financial lives are tethered to each other whether you discuss them or not. Work to create an open dialogue about all of your personal finances – like how much is coming in each month, how much is going out, what goals you want to work toward together, and how you can best save for them, what your good and bad financial habits are, things you always like to splurge on – all of it." —</span><em>Kerri Moriarty of <span>Cinch Financial</span></em><br></p>

<p><span>"Being complacent and weak can kill a relationship in no time. If you give into what your husband wants all the time, you will both lose interest in your relationship. Instead, make sure you express yourself and share your thoughts. Remember that your attraction to one another lies in your differences as well as in your similarities. Next time your partner asks you to make a decision, do not brush off the selection. Instead, think about what you prefer and make your decision clear." —</span><em>Samantha Daniels, relationship expert and founder of <a rel="nofollow noopener" href="http://www.thedatinglounge.net/" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:The Dating Lounge;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link ">The Dating Lounge</a></em><br></p>

<p><span>"When you and your spouse disagree and you insist that they are solely to blame, you actually miss out on an opportunity to be listened to and understood. This attitude creates the opposite result that you're looking for from your partner. Instead, take a moment to drop your defenses and open up to your part in the power struggle. Setting aside time to resolve issues, will allow you to be more present and available to your spouse and allow you both to repair and connect with each other." —</span><em><a rel="nofollow noopener" href="http://sarahmandeltherapy.com/" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:Sarah Mandel;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link ">Sarah Mandel</a>, R.N., a psychotherapist and Imago Relationship Therapist</em><br></p><p><strong>RELATED: <a rel="nofollow noopener" href="http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/relationships/g3941/marriage-tips-from-longtime-couples/" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:39 Longtime Couples Share the Marriage Tip That's Kept Them Together;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link ">39 Longtime Couples Share the Marriage Tip That's Kept Them Together</a></strong><br></p>

<p><span>"Busy professional careers, children's activities and other commitments can make it too easy to put your relationship on the back-burner. Making it a point to have a date night weekly, whether it's dinner out or watching a favorite TV series at home together. This gives you both time to reconnect, have fun, and focus on each other. The importance of prioritizing time for your marriage is the gift of connection and intimacy." —<em>Mandel</em></span></p>

<p><span>"Keeping silent about a perceived inequity or accepting behaviors over and over that are troubling may seem like one is being a good sport or 'taking the good with the bad.' However, when the partner's actions are genuinely hurting you or leaving you feeling perpetually less than in the relationship, speaking up is the only way to maintain true intimacy and closeness. Silent resentment leads to distance and ultimately loss of love. Couples must create a space for each other to share what is bothering them, and trust that doing so can lead to constructive change and help sustain their love." —</span><em>Jefferson A. Singer, Ph.D., co-author of </em><a rel="nofollow noopener" href="https://www.amazon.com/Positive-Couple-Therapy-We-Stories-Resilience/dp/0415824478?tag=syndication-20" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:Positive Couple Therapy;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link ">Positive Couple Therapy</a><em> and Dean of the College, Faulk Foundation Professor of Psychology, Connecticut College</em></p>

<p><span>"Young couples starting out often try to have the same level of comfort they grew accustomed to living in their parent's homes: furnished homes, lavish Christmas exchanges, and celebrating milestones in ways that are beyond their means. They don't factor in the reality that their parents' lifestyle is where their folks ended, not started out. Instant gratification often trumps long-term marital benefits when a "play now, pay later" mentality exists. One fix? Agree to not use credit cards for anything other than an emergency.Then get creative about ways to save up for the fun stuff." —</span><em><a rel="nofollow noopener" href="http://www.shelharrington.com/" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:Shel Harrington;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link ">Shel Harrington</a>, family law practitioner, professor, and author</em></p>

<p><span>"Divvying up bills that one or the other is responsible for out of his or her money creates a me/mine dynamic rather than fostering a marriage-friendly we/ours dynamic. It creates arguments about things like fair shares, who contributes most, and who deserves final say in financial disputes. But the truth is, if the electric bill doesn't get paid, regardless of whose bill that was, both parties will be in the dark. Instead, have a joint fund where all or most of your income goes. Each party keeps (or transfers) a matching designated amount to put in their own name for personal/gifts/fun spending or saving,. All joint obligations and joint savings comes from the joint fund." <i>—Harrington</i></span></p>

<p><span>"It may feel that way at the beginning of a relationship, but ultimately everyone is responsible for their own thoughts and feelings. Therefore, you cannot rely on someone else to make you happy. I encourage people to maintain their own interests, hobbies, and social lives, so that they can maintain a strong sense of self and find joy outside of their relationship. Additionally, I encourage them to be mindful of their thinking patterns and to take responsibility for their emotional experience." —</span><em>Laura Kelly, psychotherapist at <a rel="nofollow noopener" href="http://www.urbanbalance.com/" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:Urban Balance;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link ">Urban Balance</a></em><br></p><p><strong>RELATED: <a rel="nofollow noopener" href="http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/relationships/g552/how-to-save-a-marriage/" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:30 Simple, Everyday Ways to Make Your Marriage Stronger Than Ever;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link ">30 Simple, Everyday Ways to Make Your Marriage Stronger Than Ever</a></strong><br></p>

<p><span>"Love is not like the movies. Romance and the accompanying hormonal fluctuations and fantasies will plateau, and when that happens many people feel disillusionment and resentment. There is the feeling of having been cheated or having gotten a 'raw deal'. They ponder whether they married a 'defective' partner. This can lead to pursuing extraneous relationships (affairs) in pursuit of the romance they think is an inherent right. But this is a natural state of life and as new romance cools, in its wake takes place a mature, deep abiding love full of intimacy. Learn to respect and honor your partner, not just a fantasy of of them." —</span><em>Anjhula Mya Singh Bais, Ph.D., author of </em><a rel="nofollow noopener" href="http://www.whyglobalhealthmatters.org/" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:Why Global Health Matters;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link ">Why Global Health Matters</a><br></p>

<p><span>"Taking responsibility for your partner can feel controlling or overbearing. A sense of freedom and respect is foundational in a strong relationship and requires allowing each person to discover who they want to grow into and to not be micromanaged in the process. Stay in touch with your partner's needs and desires so you'll know how to care for him or her instead of control and demand. You do not have the right to take your partner's power or make him or her into whatever you want." —</span><em>Charlotte Howard, Ph.D., psychologist at <span>Deep Eddy Psychotherapy</span></em><br></p>

<p><span>"Having your disagreements in public is humiliating and makes the problem worse. Agree to handle anything negative in private. Spell this out with your partner and stick to it. You may want to agree to eye contact or other body language to signal a problem. Then sort it out afterwards when there is no audience." —</span><em>Laura MacLeod, author of </em><span>From The Inside Out Project</span></p>

Letting the Negative Interactions to Outweigh the Positive

<p><span>"It's a major problem to keep secrets, whether it be about money, parenting decisions, emotional withholding. or anything you keep from your spouse because you are afraid of their reaction. It keeps you from developing the trust or intimacy of a good marriage. The fix is to be honest and open with your partner. Take responsibility for your feelings and actions and ask for understanding from your spouse. Secrets are childish ways of avoiding conflict." —</span><em><a rel="nofollow noopener" href="http://www.mindyutay.com/" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:Mindy Utay;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link ">Mindy Utay</a>, psychotherapist and marriage counselor</em></p><p><span><strong>RELATED: <a rel="nofollow noopener" href="http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/relationships/g3685/things-spouses-hide-from-each-other/" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:23 Secrets Husbands and Wives Keep From Each Other;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link ">23 Secrets Husbands and Wives Keep From Each Other</a></strong></span></p>

<p><span>"Many problems in a relationship can grow simply from the lack of open communication. Take a moment every day to sit with you partner and talk. Give each partner a chance to fully express themselves without interruption or any sort of comment for the entire time they are expressing themselves. Only after the first one has completed what they need to say in it's entirety can the other partner speak. The partners can then take the necessary steps to make sure the other partner's needs are met." —</span><em><a rel="nofollow noopener" href="http://www.meganweks.com/" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:Megan Weks;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link ">Megan Weks</a>, relationship expert</em></p>

<p><span>"We want to help our significant other. We want them to feel good about themselves. As a result, we often settle. We forget that we bring a set of skills and talents that can help raise them up. Try to be competitive in a caring way. Look at what they have that you don't and strive to improve to get closer to their level. Maybe it's becoming more compassionate, maybe more athletic, maybe more scholarly. You're not becoming them, but taking their strengths and letting those set the bar for what you can strive toward. The advantage? You both push each other to be better over time. You remain independent but you never settle." —</span><em>Joshua Klapow, Ph.D., clinical psychologist and host of </em><a rel="nofollow noopener" href="http://www.thewebradioshow.com/" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:The Web;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link ">The Web</a><br></p>

<p><span>"Let go of the idea that everything that bothers you needs to be addressed. This belief is toxic to a relationship. A good rule of thumb I have for couples is if something bothers them but they aren't even going to remember the occurrence the next morning, they are probably better off just ignoring it and moving on." —</span><em>Mark E. Sharp, PhD, clinical psychologist at <a rel="nofollow noopener" href="http://www.aiki-relationships.com/" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:The Aiki Relationship Institute;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link ">The Aiki Relationship Institute</a></em><br></p>

<p><span>"Many people listen to respond instead of listening to understand. Listening to respond is not actual listening, so misunderstanding and conflict are more likely to occur. On the other hand, listening to understand is more than intellectual. It involves a feeling of understanding that you then check with your partner to see if it is accurate. When you do this they feel listened to and hopefully understood." —</span><em><a rel="nofollow noopener" href="http://craigpolsfuss.wordpress.com/" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:Craig Polsfuss;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link ">Craig Polsfuss</a>, psychologist</em></p>

<p><span>"Love is a great start but it takes work to make it successful. Each partner needs to be open about his or her needs or 'love language' then give specific action steps to meet that need. Put in the work and the love will grow." —</span><em><a rel="nofollow noopener" href="http://www.barbrarussell.com/" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:Barbra Russell;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link ">Barbra Russell</a>, marriage counselor and author</em><br></p><p><strong>RELATED: <a rel="nofollow noopener" href="http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/relationships/a10922/signs-youre-in-a-toxic-marriage/" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:9 Signs You're in a Toxic Marriage;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link ">9 Signs You're in a Toxic Marriage</a></strong><br></p>

<p><span>"Couples let themselves go over time. They settle into a routine and forget to take care of themselves and the relationship. Sweatpants will rarely get a partner's romantic attention, and when you don't keep up your appearance and think that grooming is something you do for a poodle, not yourself, you're on a slow road to relationship problems. If you're using those sweats to overshadow weight gain, work out! Eat better. Treat yourself with importance and you'll get better results in the relationship sector of your life." —</span><em>April Masini, <a rel="nofollow noopener" href="https://forum.askapril.com/" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:relationship expert;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link ">relationship expert</a> and author of the Ask April advice column </em></p>

<p><span>"Every couple has a few things they will never fully agree on. One likes to save money, one likes to spend; one prefers a tidy home, the other is more sloppy; one is more strict with the kids, one is more lenient, and so forth. The mistake is trying to persuade, cajole, or coerce the other to change. Cue the recurrent "Here we go again!" arguments. Successful couples bypass recurrent arguments and instead approach the issue with the perspective 'How would you like to deal with this issue today?' They recognize that some days they go along with a partner, some days they get their way, some days they compromise." —</span><em>Paul Coleman, Psy.D., author of </em><a rel="nofollow noopener" href="https://www.amazon.com/Finding-Peace-Heart-Pieces-Step/dp/1440573387?tag=syndication-20" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:Finding Peace In Your Heart;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link ">Finding Peace In Your Heart</a><br></p>

<p><span>"It's easy to take one another for granted, but it's also easily fixed. Capitalize on the Seduction of Selective Attention: You are never too old to captivate your partner the way you did when you just met, through making them feel as if they were the only person in the room. Try this the next time you are out at a restaurant,and see how many people wonder whether you are newlyweds!" —</span><em>Wendy L. Patrick, Ph.D., behavioral expert and author of </em><span><a rel="nofollow noopener" href="https://www.amazon.com/Red-Flags-Frenemies-Underminers-Ruthless-ebook/dp/B00LRXRP66?tag=syndication-20" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:Red Flags;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link ">Red Flags</a></span><br></p>

<p><span>"Don't reject your partner's offers — and I'm not talking about party invites. This is based on the 40-year research by John Gottman who found that the happiest couples respond to each other's 'bids' throughout the day. A bid or offer is when your partner might go, 'That bird is cute.' You can return the offer by ignoring it or countering it by saying, 'No, it's not.' Or you can accept the offer with some response that provides humor, attention, affection, or support like 'He's a chirpy one.' We make hundreds of bids with a partner in a week that they add up to form a happy relationship." —</span><em><a rel="nofollow noopener" href="http://www.towerofpower.com.au/?utm_source=top&utm_medium=email&utm_campaign=signature" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:Joshua Uebergang;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link ">Joshua Uebergang</a>, relationship expert</em></p>

<p>"When our children were quite young, I often ended up falling asleep in their bedroom. My husband liked the arrangement and as the peacekeeper, I complied. I thought we were a typical couple, but soon after our 25-year anniversary, I discovered he had been sneaking out to see a woman for several months. When we decided to resurrect our marriage and make it even stronger, we realized that all of our sleep issues could,in fact, be resolved. No excuses will ever keep me from snuggling up to the man I love as I fall asleep each night. If you need a better mattress, better pillows, nasal strips, or even a sleep aid, do it. Never deny your partner the magical minutes to reconnect each evening and each morning as you share the marriage bed." —<em><a rel="nofollow noopener" href="http://www.staceygreeneblog.wordpress.com/" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:Stacey Greene;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link ">Stacey Greene</a>, relationship expert and author of</em> Stronger With Love — A Couples Handbook<br></p><p><strong>RELATED: <a rel="nofollow noopener" href="http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/relationships/a46600/i-asked-a-psychic-for-marriage-advice/" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:I Asked a Psychic for Marriage Advice;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link ">I Asked a Psychic for Marriage Advice</a></strong><br></p>

<p><span>"The mistake is to think that holy matrimony requires another to take care of you and be responsible for your every need and happiness. This allows you to relax into a mediocre from of yourself and slip into victimhood. You think you get to sail through life and make someone else your savior, your financier, your bank, your father, your mother, and you never have to deal with yourself. Instead, base you life on the concept, 'I am the creator of my own life, no matter what, and my reality and destiny belongs to me.'" —</span><a rel="nofollow noopener" href="http://www.askaudreynow.com/" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:Audrey Hope;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link "><em>Audrey Hope</em></a><em>, marriage counselor and host of </em><a rel="nofollow noopener" href="https://www.youtube.com/playlist?list=PLTpVw7mYxw74WZFA8BuSqKVxg4IeTey67" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:Hope for Relationships;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link ">Hope for Relationships</a><br></p>

<p><span>"Having a good marriage isn't effortless. Educate yourself by reading or going to a couples therapist proactively to put good habits in place. Every couple should learn how to have weekly date night, how to disagree, and how to respond to each other's bids for attention. You can learn these in the best marriage books and or go to couples therapy proactively for a little while." —</span><em><a rel="nofollow noopener" href="http://www.drpaulettesherman.com/" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:Paulette Kouffman Sherman;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link ">Paulette Kouffman Sherman</a>, Ph.D., psychologist and <a rel="nofollow noopener" href="https://www.amazon.com/Paulette-Kouffman-Sherman/e/B001JRUK30?tag=syndication-20" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:author;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link ">author</a></em></p>

<p><span>"Children add a lot of positives to a couples' life, but can also add stress and decreased intimacy. It's important to maintain a physical and emotional connection to your partner, which is often difficult when there are baths needing to happen, meals needing to be eaten, and toys needing to be picked out. It's important to set boundaries with children. Do not share personal details of your relationship with them, and when it's 'mommy/daddy time' make sure your children are clear on what this means for them." —</span><em><a rel="nofollow noopener" href="https://therapists.psychologytoday.com/rms/prof_detail.php?profid=318497&search=hershenson&ref=2&sid=1488894923.8327_24335&name=hershenson&tr=ResultsRow" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:Kimberly Hershenson;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link ">Kimberly Hershenson</a>, couples therapist</em></p>

<p><span>"Many couples make the mistake of giving up their past friends to focus solely on couple time. However, doing everything together can create staleness in the relationship and is a great recipe for both partners to get sick of each other. Friends help meet different emotional and mental needs than a romantic partner. If your spouse is your only friend, you're missing out on the different, yet still important aspects of male or female bonding. Make time for their separate friends, even if it's just a couple of days a month. Schedule the time and stick with it." —</span><em>Jonathan Bennett, certified counselor and relationship coach with <a rel="nofollow noopener" href="http://thepopularman.com/" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:The Popular Man;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link ">The Popular Man</a></em><br></p>

<p><span>"There's a difference between listening and advice giving. For example, one partner will say something as innocuous as 'I'm feeling lazy today.' The other partner will then give a number of suggestions so that she doesn't feel lazy. 'You can go to the gym. Or, you mentioned you wanted to go get some fabric for a new quilt. You could do that.' Meanwhile the first partner was simply meaning she was tired, and actually didn't want to go out. Now she feels obligated to do something after a very busy week. Try reflecting their feelings or ask them if they'd like suggestions instead; don't assume." —</span><em><a rel="nofollow noopener" href="http://www.janetzinn.com/" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:Janet Zinn;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link ">Janet Zinn</a>, psychotherapist</em><br></p><p><span><strong>RELATED: </strong><a rel="nofollow noopener" href="http://www.redbookmag.com/love-sex/relationships/g3718/the-worst-marriage-advice-from-every-decade/" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:The Worst Marriage Advice of Every Decade Since the 1900s;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link "><strong>The Worst Marriage Advice of Every Decade Since the 1900s</strong></a></span></p>

<p><span>"Often when people enter into a relationship, they become a couple, a "'we.' Then they may add 'wife' or 'mother' as well. Sometimes these labels are good in that they give us purpose, but taken too far, they become a role we play rather than being authentic to ourselves. It's important to define your own roles in the relationship but also to still maintain your own separate identity. Work with your partner to make sure you have time to do things you have always wanted to do and have a little bit of time that is reserved only for you." —</span><em><a rel="nofollow noopener" href="http://drnikki.com.au/" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:Nikki Goldstein;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link "><span>Nikki</span> <span>Goldstein</span></a>, Ph.D., sexologist and relationship expert </em></p>

<p><span>"Modern couples often reduce their communication with their partners to abbreviated and often misunderstood cryptic acronyms on the screen of a device designed for talking. The impersonal nature of this misspelled and often mis-perceived communication builds barriers not bridges. The fix is simple: Talk, don't text. Your partner is your lifeline. Uplifting, encouraging conversations infused with real emotion will revitalize your relationship in a way that no amount of emoticons could ever do." —<i>Patrick</i></span><br></p>

<p><span>"Cyber-straying involves covertly looking up old flames and high school sweethearts, despite being (supposedly happily) married to someone else. Curiosity compromises trust, and secrets are relationship saboteurs. You have nothing to gain and everything to lose by friending, following, or fanning old flames. Do not let this curiosity take hold. If it has, stop now, before you get burned. Ex-relationships are in the past for a reason." <i>—Patrick</i></span><br></p>

Expecting Everything to be Perfectly Fair

<p><span>"Taking your phone to bed and checking first thing in the morning in the morning destroy pillow talk. These two habits allow your relationship with screens to override your relationship with your spouse. Instead, snuggle in and share your triumphs and concerns without the distraction of interactive screen based technology. Couples who engage in pillow talk have been shown over and over to have increased intimacy, both sexual and otherwise. Those few moments keep couples strong, united, and current in each other's lives." —</span><em><a rel="nofollow noopener" href="http://drmariswingle.com/" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:Mari Swingle;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link ">Mari Swingle</a>, Ph.D., relationship therapist and author of </em><span><a rel="nofollow noopener" href="https://www.amazon.com/i-Minds-Computers-Changing-Behavior-Evolution/dp/0865718253?tag=syndication-20" target="_blank" data-ylk="slk:i-Minds;elm:context_link;itc:0;sec:content-canvas" class="link ">i-Minds</a></span><br></p>

Here's what you can do to avoid ending up on their couch.

Yahoo Sports
2024 NFL Draft grades: Denver Broncos earn one of our lowest grades mostly due to one pick
Yahoo Sports' Charles McDonald breaks down the Broncos' 2024 draft.
Yahoo Sports
NFL Power Rankings, draft edition: Did Patriots fix their offensive issues?
Which teams did the best in the NFL Draft?
Yahoo Sports
How to watch the 2024 WNBA preseason tonight: Caitlin Clark’s first Indiana Fever game time, channel and more
The WNBA preseason tips off this Friday. Here's how you can catch Caitlin Clark's first game.
Yahoo Sports
Formula 1: Miami Grand Prix sends cease and desist letter to prevent Donald Trump fundraiser during race
Race organizers say they'll revoke a Trump fundraiser's suite license if he holds an event for the former president on Sunday at the race.
Yahoo Sports
Lakers fire head coach Darvin Ham after just 2 seasons, latest playoff series loss to Nuggets
Despite a trip to the Western Conference finals in his first season with the team, the Lakers are now ready to look for a replacement for Darvin Ham.
Yahoo Sports
NFL Draft grades for all 32 teams | Zero Blitz
Jason Fitz and Frank Schwab join forces to recap the draft in the best way they know how: letter grades! Fitz and Frank discuss all 32 teams division by division as they give a snapshot of how fans should be feeling heading into the 2024 season. The duo have key debates on the Dallas Cowboys, New York Giants, New Orleans Saints, Los Angeles Rams, New England Patriots, Las Vegas Raiders and more.
Yahoo Sports
The best RBs for 2024 fantasy football according to our analysts
The Yahoo Fantasy football analysts reveal their first running back rankings for the 2024 NFL season.
Yahoo Sports
New details emerge in alleged gambling ring behind Shohei Ohtani-Ippei Mizuhara scandal
It turns out the money was going from Ohtani's bank account to an illegal bookie to ... casinos.
TechCrunch
Acura’s new all-electric SUV proves the most expensive model isn’t always the best
The first electric vehicle I ever drove was a Tesla Roadster in 2011. It was with great anticipation that I slid behind the wheel of the 2025 Acura ZDX Type S. Sure, it's a midsize SUV, but it wears the Type S moniker, a name reserved only for the most fun-to-drive in the Acura stable. On launch, the ZDX will be available in A-Spec and Type S trims -- both of which come equipped with a 102 kWh battery.
Yahoo Life Shopping
Does castor oil really help with hair growth? We asked the experts, and their answer may surprise you
It's inexpensive, but is it effective? Dermatologists' verdict is in — and it's unanimous.
Yahoo Finance
CVS stock plunges after earnings numbers one analyst 'did not even believe'
CVS warns it could cede Medicare Advantage market share as reimbursement rates pressure the company.
Yahoo Sports
Diana Taurasi’s trash-talking, in-your-face ways may be a bit of a shock to new WNBA fans
Caitlin Clark fans beware: You never know what the 20-year veteran might say … or do.
Yahoo Life Shopping
Reba McEntire, 69, relies on this wrinkle-smoothing 'holy grail' moisturizer for radiant skin
Her makeup artist swears by it for this clever foundation trick for dewy, glowing coverage.
Yahoo Sports
Wide receiver rankings for fantasy football 2024
The Yahoo Fantasy football analysts reveal their first wide receiver rankings for the 2024 NFL season.
Yahoo Sports
MLB Power Rankings: Braves move into the top spot followed by Dodgers, Phillies as injuries take a toll across the league
From the Braves to the Marlins, here's where all 30 teams stand after the season's first month.
Yahoo Sports
Tight end rankings for 2024 fantasy football 2024
The Yahoo Fantasy football analysts reveal their first tight end rankings for the 2024 NFL season.
Yahoo News
2nd Boeing whistleblower found dead. Here's a timeline of the company's mounting problems.
This is the second Boeing whistleblower to die in the last two months.
Yahoo Sports
Ex-Florida State QB and 1999 Fiesta Bowl starter Marcus Outzen dies at 46
The Seminoles lost 23-16 to Tennessee in the first-ever BCS title game.
Yahoo Sports
Tiger Woods explains viral Masters tree meme, daughter’s ‘negative’ relationship with golf while promoting ‘Sun Day Red’
Jimmy Fallon asked Tiger Woods all about his incredible handshake with Verne Lundquist at the Masters on Tuesday night.
Yahoo Sports
The expanded 12-team College Football Playoff is here — and it already has problems
There is cause for excitement around the new playoff format. There's also lots of complaints and criticism to go around.