75 Happy St. Patrick's Day jokes that are worth their weight in gold

Why did the leprechaun go to the home store? Easy! He needed paddy o'furniture.

What's the best way to make gold soup? Use 14 karats.

What instrument isn't very modest? The brag-pipe.

If you like those bad-but-good puns, then you're bound to love this collection of St. Patrick's Day jokes that pay tribute to the biggest paddy, er, party, of the year.

Whatever your annual St. Paddy's Day tradition is, whether it be cooking up a pot of corned beef and cabbage or meeting up with your pals to share a few pints at the pub, these corny one-liners, dad jokes and knock-knocks will have everyone Dublin over in laughter.

Looking for a leprechaun joke to top off an Instagram post? A groan-worthy one-liner to send to your Irish relatives? A funny pun to send in a text? No need to travel to the ends of the rainbow to get 'em because all the treasure you seek is directly below and all you need to do is to add them to your arsenal of anecdotes.

That way, when St. Paddy's Day rolls around, you'll have a supply on-hand and ready to go to keep friends and family in stitches throughout the holiday.

But why wait? Start the celebration early with this positively golden collection of St. Patrick's Day jokes that we're sure will leave everyone you know green with envy.

Funny St. Patrick's Day jokes

  • Where do leprechauns play baseball? In a little league.

  • What do you call an Irish spider? Paddy long legs.

  • Why are leprechauns always getting in trouble? They have no elf control.

  • How are friends like four-leaf clovers? They're hard to find and lucky to have.

  • What do leprechauns call Kris Kringle? Sant O' Claus.

St. Patrick's Day Jokes
St. Patrick's Day Jokes
  • What do horses wear for good luck? Shoes.

  • What do you call a scheming elf? A lepra-con.

  • What's a leprechaun's favorite dessert? Paddy cake.

  • What's the best month of the year to host a parade? March.

  • Did you hear about leprechaun that couldn't make a decision? He was stuck between a shamrock and a hard place.

St. Patrick's Day Jokes
St. Patrick's Day Jokes
  • What did one Guinness say to the other? Ale good?

  • Why did the leprechaun quit his job? He kept getting short-changed.

  • What do leprechauns use to clean the bathroom? Mr. Green.

  • What did the police officer say after arresting the leprechaun? "The jig is up!"

  • What instrument isn't very modest? The brag-pipe.

St. Patrick's Day Jokes
St. Patrick's Day Jokes
  • What's the best way to make gold soup? Use 14 karats.

  • What do leprechauns put on their hamburgers? Paddys.

  • What's long and green and only shows up once a year? The St. Patrick's Day parade.

  • Why did the leprechaun marriage end in divorce? One discovered the other was a gold digger.

  • Why can't you trust leprechauns? Because they're elfish.

St. Patrick's Day Jokes
St. Patrick's Day Jokes
  • What's a leprechaun's favorite dance? The Shamrock Shake.

  • Why shouldn't you tell jokes to a leprechaun? Because they're easily o'ffended.

  • Why do Irish cows wear bells? Their horns don't work.

  • Did you hear about the leprechaun that couldn't pay rent? He was a little short.

  • Corned beef and cabbage walk into a diner. The host says, "Sorry, we don't serve dinner here."

St. Patrick's Day Jokes
St. Patrick's Day Jokes

Irish dad jokes for St. Patrick's Day

  • Why did the leprechaun go the home store? He needed paddy o' furniture.

  • Why did the leprechaun cross the rainbow? To get to the pot of gold.

  • Where can you be sure to find gold on St. Patrick's Day? In the dictionary.

  • Why are leprechauns so good at karate? They've got a black belt.

St. Patrick's Day Jokes
St. Patrick's Day Jokes
  • How do you hire a leprechaun for St. Patrick's Day? Put him on a ladder.

  • Why don't leprechauns hate doing taxes? Because they're elf-employed.

  • How did the leprechaun get to the moon? On a sham-rocket.

  • Why did the Irishman stop mining for gold? It didn't pan out.

St. Patrick's Day Jokes
St. Patrick's Day Jokes
  • What's green and sings? Elvis Parsley.

  • How can you tell if your Irish jokes are funny? Everyone's Dublin over in laughter.

  • What do ghosts drink to celebrate St. Patrick's Day? Boo-ze.

  • Why do people wear shamrocks to celebrate St. Paddy's? Because real rocks are too heavy.

St. Patrick's Day Jokes
St. Patrick's Day Jokes
  • How do leprechauns tell time? They use sham-clocks.

  • What kind of spells do Irish witches cast? Lucky charms.

  • How can you tell if a potato isn't Irish? When it's a French fry.

  • Why can't you iron four-leaf clovers? Because you should never press your luck.

St. Patrick's Day Jokes
St. Patrick's Day Jokes
  • What do you call a stone that pretends to be Irish? A sham-rock.

  • Why do people wear shamrocks on St. Patrick's Day? Because real rocks would be too heavy.

  • What do you get when you cross poison ivy with a four-leaf clover? A rash of good luck.

Leprechaun jokes for St. Patrick's Day

  • Why are leprechauns so good at gardening? Because they have a green thumb.

  • What's a leprechaun's favorite movie? "Green Lantern."

  • How do leprechauns pay for groceries? They use lepre-coins.

  • Why do leprechauns make good secretaries? They know shorthand.

St. Patrick's Day Jokes
St. Patrick's Day Jokes
  • How do you get a leprechaun's attention? Say, "Look clover there!"

  • Why didn't the leprechaun cross the road? He was waiting for the light to turn green.

  • Did you hear about the leprechaun who won the race? He knew a shortcut.

  • How can you tell when a leprechaun is jealous? They turn green with envy.

St. Patrick's Day Jokes
St. Patrick's Day Jokes
  • What do you get when two leprechauns meet up for lunch? A lot of small talk.

  • Why are leprechauns such good listeners? Because they are all ears.

  • What do leprechauns learn in school? The elf-a-bet.

  • What do you call a leprechaun that finds a pot of gold at the end of a rainbow? Welfy.

St. Patrick's Day Jokes
St. Patrick's Day Jokes
  • Did you hear about the leprechaun that opened his own store? Now he's a small business owner.

  • Why did the leprechaun super-glue his book? He wanted a story he couldn't put down.

St. Patrick's Day knock-knock jokes

  • Knock, knock! Who's there? Irish. Irish who? Irish you a very Happy St. Patrick's Day.

  • Knock, knock! Who's there? Lucky. Lucky who? Lucky you, it's St. Paddy's Day!

  • Knock, knock! Who's there? Brighton. Brighton who? Brighton early, that's when I start celebrating St. Patrick's Day.

  • Knock, knock! Who's there? Dora Belle. Dora Belle who? Dora Belle is broken, so the leprechauns will have to knock.

St. Patrick's Day Jokes
St. Patrick's Day Jokes
  • Knock, knock! Who's there? Aisle. Aisle who? Aisle be wearing green on St. Paddy's so I don't get pinched!

  • Knock, knock! Who's there? Shirley. Shirley who? Shirley you must know there's gold at the end of a rainbow.

  • Knock, knock! Who's there? Ivana. Ivana who? Ivana pint of Guinness!

  • Knock, knock! Who's there? Abby. Abby who? Abby stung me on St. Patrick's Day.

St. Patrick's Day Jokes
St. Patrick's Day Jokes
  • Knock, knock! Who's there? Jewel. Jewel who? Jewel be happy to know I'm Irish!

  • Knock, knock! Who's there? Donna. Donna who? Donna forget to leave your shoes out for the leprechauns!

  • Knock, knock! Who's there? S'more. S'more who? S'more St. Paddy's jokes coming your way!

  • Knock, knock! Who's there? Noah. Noah who? Noah a good pub around here?

St. Patrick's Day Jokes
St. Patrick's Day Jokes
  • Knock, knock! Who's there? Aida. Aida who? Aida plate of corned beef and cabbage and now I'm full.

  • Knock, knock! Who's there? Justin. Justin who? Justin time to celebrate St. Paddy's Day.

  • Knock, knock! Who's there? Teddy. Teddy who? Teddy is St. Patrick's Day.

  • Knock, knock! Who's there? Yule. Yule who? Yule be sorry if don't wear green on St. Paddy's.

  • Knock, knock! Who's there? Erin. Erin who? Erin go Bragh, of course!

St. Patrick's Day Jokes
St. Patrick's Day Jokes

This article was originally published on TODAY.com