The 5 Friendships You Need to End Before Jupiter Leaves Virgo
Anxious much? Don't apologize…we've all been there (and then some) over the past year. Ever since magnifying Jupiter moved into Virgo on August 11, 2015, it's been hard NOT to overreact to every basic slight. The red-spotted planet just makes things bigger-and for the past year-plus, it's been expanding all things Virgo. First, a disclaimer: This efficiency-minded and health-conscious zodiac sign can get an unfair rap! While Virgo energy CAN be uptight and particular, it can also be quite edifying. Those "virginal" qualities have made us all more refined, teaching us to appreciate the magic of simplicity. But then there comes a point where all that neurotic perfectionism just gets to be too much.
Scrub your friend lists free of unrewarding connections.
On September 9, Jupiter will move on to Libra, lending its expansive powers to the realm of relationships. Partnerships could take off at a galloping pace then and become pretty permanent…fast! And that's good reason to do a social detox before getting saddled with the wrong people. Before August wraps, use Jupiter in Virgo's purifying powers to scrub your friend lists free of unrewarding connections.
Footnote: If you see shades of yourself in any of these descriptions, take a "fearless and searching moral inventory," as the 12-Steppers say. Your addiction to control needs to go! Check it now before you wind up on the outside looking in.
The Obsessive "Clean Eater"
All you wanted to do was tuck into a plate of handmade pasta-and heck, maybe enjoy an artisanal gelato for dessert. But then, there's that friend…the one who has to grill the server on every ingredient in the dish. Not because of food allergies. More because of Gwyneth's latest directive. Was the salmon farm raised or ocean caught? Does it contain wheat? How many more great meals can be ruined by her insistence on going to a restaurant where the cheese is made of cashews or nothing is served above a temperature of 92 degrees? While it's fine to accommodate people's dietary restrictions here and there, this friend may be loath to return the favor and find something edible on the menu of your favorite place. And let's not even start on the way she polices your plate. Life is too short to have one of the greatest pleasures ruined like that. Bye!
The Queen of the Drag
Virgo is one of the communicators of the zodiac, and this trivia-loving sign knows how to keep tabs on all the latest gossip. With preachy Jupiter in Virgo for the past year, the judgmental types have crawled out of the woodwork like termites after a visit from the Orkin man. And worse, they've made a sport out of putting other people on public blast. We all enjoy a good Twitter drag here and there, sure, but the nonstop critiques are just damaging. Get away from these predators before you inevitably wind up in their crosshairs. Here's hoping you didn't spill TOO much from your chamber of secrets….
The White-Glove Tester
Is that a lipstick ring on your coffee mug, a dust bunny behind the sofa? With Jupiter in Virgo, clean-freak energy can verge on obsessive. But who can relax around the friend-or worse, roommate-who gets tweaked at the sight of a mild stain or a speck of mildew? We all need to pull our weight around the house, cleaning dishes instead of letting them pile up in the sink. But then there's that person who makes you feel like a total slob because you don't rinse out your coffee mug or skip a day of shampooing and pull your hair into a topknot. Emily Post incarnate, step to the left-your day has already come and gone.
The Neurotic Pill Popper
There's a time and a place for an Ambien or a Xanax. But then there are friends whose medicine cabinets resemble Nurse Jackie's…and you're not exactly sure why. All you know is that you've heard them repeat the same tragic tale verbatim to every new person they meet. You've listened to them drone on about the same bad relationship to the tune of "Why does this always happen to me?" and maybe start one too many a conversation with "My therapist says…" We have all the compassion in the world for people with legitimate issues. But there are certain types who seem to be in love with their own problems-so much so that they've created an identity around their woeful sob stories. Bonding over trauma has its place, but save it for the support group meeting or you could wind up playing unpaid therapist for the friend whose drama never, ever ends.
The Prudish Bencher
Chemistry status: undeniable. You can literally feel the electricity snapping between you every time you're in close proximity. And that's been often lately because you genuinely seem to love each other's company. There could be such an amazing future here…if only you could get a clear read on this person's feelings. But every time you lean in for the kiss, they move a little to the left or get up to refill their glass. Are you being benched, or are they just a little shy? Maybe you've outright approached the subject only to be greeted with a vague answer like, "It's not the right time" or "I'm slow to warm up." With Jupiter in the virgin's zone, old-fashioned romance has been the order of the day. But waiting like a Victorian lady for a godforsaken smooch? Pass on that! Unrequited love will be in our rearview mirrors when Jupiter sails into Libra this September 9. Clear the decks so you can welcome in a viable partner. Translation: someone who is ready to romance and ravish you NOW.
