43 Hilarious Tweets That Sum Up Shopping At Costco
For fans of Costco, nothing compares to the wonder of endless free samples, the convenience of having everything in one place and the ability to buy seemingly anything in bulk.
Indeed, the warehouse club has a cult-like following, inspiring birthday party themes, love-filled listicles and, of course, hilarious tweets.
Here are 43 funny tweets for those who hate to love and love to hate Costco.
Made the mistake of going to Costco after drinking a half bottle of wine & now I'm the proud owner of everything.
Except tires.— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) October 15, 2016
Costco...because who doesn’t need 3,000 limes?
— Stacey (@skittle624) May 24, 2018
Wife: You'll be so proud of me. I saved $9 at Costco.
Me: How much did you spend?
Wife: $600.— "Bare Minimum Parenting" in bookstores now (@XplodingUnicorn) November 23, 2014
I don't see it as "Costco Free Samples." I see it as a free 17 course meal.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) March 29, 2017
"Are you guys moving?"
"No, home from Costco."— dadpression (@Dadpression) February 5, 2017
People I went to high school with are all "here's pics from my 1st trip to Iceland" and I'm all "here's my pics from 1st trip to Costco."
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) September 9, 2017
*eating before going in Costco*
"Now I won't overeat samples*
[5 mins later]
*slams cup down*
"Hit me again"
"Sir, that was motor oil"— Z🎄CK (@Mr_Kapowski) February 20, 2017
The point when my 6yos stop liking a cereal is directly correlated to when I buy a giant box of it at Costco.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) June 29, 2016
👨🏽Let's take our relationship to the next level.
👩🏽This is where I hope you mean something romantic but
👨🏽Let's get a Costco membership!!
👩🏽— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) September 13, 2015
Nothing says "It's the most wonderful time of the year" like listening to Christmas music in the car while swearing at every driver in the Costco parking lot.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) December 24, 2017
I didn’t know I needed a grizzly sized teddy bear until Costco.
— Olive Gravy (@offbeatoliv) March 7, 2018
One day, you're partying until the morning hours and then suddenly you're excited about the new Costco that's so much closer than the other one.
— Northern Lights 💀 (@PinkCamoTO) July 11, 2018
Costco is closed. anyone know where else i can get a case of 47 mustards for a family of 3?
— kim christmas (@KimmyMonte) August 5, 2018
"Took 45 minutes to get all dressed up, we ain't even gonna make it to this club," I sing softly as my kids tantrum in a Costco parking lot.
— Valerie (@ValeeGrrl) April 1, 2016
Costco is my Hotel California.
— ThisOneSays (@ThisOneSayz) March 12, 2018
Every time the Costco parking lot isn’t over-crowded, I get nervous that I missed the rapture.
— Unfiltered Mama (@UnfilteredMama) March 18, 2018
Yeah but the way I see it is, I have the rest of my life to exercise but this 350 pack of Oreos from Costco expires in December of 2017.
— Lurkin' Mom (@LurkAtHomeMom) July 30, 2015
My husband asked if I wanted to go on a date & then we laughed & laughed & went to Costco.
— Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) May 22, 2018
I need more disguises so Costco doesn't know I'm eating there for free every day.
— Swishergirl (@Swishergirl24) April 16, 2014
at exactly what point do your immigrant parents go from refusing to buy you the shoes you wanted because you should be happy you aren’t “a starving child in india” to roaming in costco for three hours because their granddaughter said she wants “a blanket shaped like a shark”
— Scaachi (@Scaachi) March 9, 2018
I know you're not supposed to hug the old lady giving out samples at Costco, but the sausage she gave me had cheese inside. Cheese.In.Side.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) February 6, 2016
I think they should include trying to get to the check out at Costco as an Olympic sport.
— ThisOneSays (@ThisOneSayz) August 6, 2016
Normally I don't like to spend a lot of money at restaurants, but we had a $400 dollar lunch today, because it was samples at Costco.
— dadpression (@Dadpression) February 3, 2018
Wife & me dropping into Costco pic.twitter.com/fSxAGVfTcE
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) January 4, 2018
“What do you mean I can’t buy it in bulk?! That’s *all* you guys do!”
-me, asking Costco pharmacist for Xanax refill— TheAlexNevil Dashing All The Way (@TheAlexNevil) May 24, 2018
Went to Costco this weekend. So, if anyone needs to borrow toilet paper like, forever, hit me up.
— caprice crane (@capricecrane) April 25, 2011
At Costco, standing in the 10 Grills or Less line.
— Conan O'Brien (@ConanOBrien) July 3, 2016
The gaze of a thousand doubtful eyes weighs heavily upon my treadmill box as I exit Costco.
— JennyPentland (@JennyPentland) January 8, 2015
I got out of the Costco parking lot alive, so I’m ready to fill out my application for Survivor.
— Stacey (@skittle624) July 3, 2018
I’m about to go test drive a Subaru and then go to Costco, in case anyone wonders if I’m leaning into suburban parenthood
— Celeste Ng (@pronounced_ing) June 17, 2018
.@Costco you can't build a huge tutu pile & not expect a fellow to try & nap on it! (your Security is v gentle, btw) pic.twitter.com/stVrFEhllG
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) April 20, 2016
The lady at Costco didn't mark my receipt with a marker as I left, and while I didn't steal anything, I still feel like I got away with something pretty devious.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) July 18, 2018
I just cut a Costco muffin in half so I could eat half of it and then probably come back in 3-5 minutes and eat the other half.
— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) September 1, 2017
A guy at Costco just looked at my cart and asked if I run a restaurant.
— JennyPentland (@JennyPentland) August 29, 2014
I once waited in line for 40 minutes for a free small chunk of burrito at Costco, so 2 hours for Space Mountain doesn't seem that bad.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) May 12, 2018
I'm not having kids so I guess I'll have to settle for the only other true mark of adulthood: a Costco membership
— Brittani Nichols (@BisHilarious) November 3, 2017
If you ever see me in the checkout line at Costco, let me save us both some time: yes, that is a lot of flushable wipes.
— Andy Richter (@AndyRichter) December 29, 2014
[Disney narrator voice] And from that day on…the queen's heart grew as cold as the Costco produce room
— Ken Jennings (@KenJennings) October 27, 2016
I wish I were as confident as the birds that fly inside Costco.
— Eileen Bean O’Casserole (@i_Lean) May 24, 2017
Me: what was your favourite moment of 2015?
4yo: that time I got the free sample of pepperoni from Costco
Me: good choice— Anne Thériault (@anne_theriault) December 31, 2015
I'm so proud of myself. I went to Costco hungry and only spent $17,000.
— Robert Knop (@FatherWithTwins) December 10, 2016
Wonder Woman 2: Wonder Woman goes to Costco. She pulls apart 2 shopping carts that are stuck together. Costco shoppers amazed. Roll credits.
— Abe Yospe (@Cheeseboy22) June 20, 2017
Sometimes I wish I could have lived in medieval Europe, but then I imagine galloping home from Costco with 20 bottles of BBQ sauce and nope.
— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) November 3, 2018
