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    25 Tweets About Married Life That Are Hilariously Accurate

    Kelsey Borresen
    ,
    HuffPost•October 25, 2017

    Marriage is a surprisingly universal experience, and we have the tweets to prove it. 

    Below, 25 spot-on tweets you’ll definitely identify with if you’re a husband or wife. 

    1

    I’ve reached the point in my marriage that my husband fell asleep on the couch and OMG I AM SO EXCITED I GET THE BED ALL TO MYSELF


    — Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) October 15, 2017

    2

    I sent my wife a text.

    Her typing bubble popped up for 10 minutes.

    All she sent me was "K."

    I'm as good as dead.


    — James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) October 16, 2017

    3

    [grocery store]
    me *hits back of wife's leg with the cart* Funny running into you h-
    wife: Go wait in the car
    me: Ok


    — Josh (@iwearaonesie) October 12, 2017

    4

    My husband wrote a note so he would remember to ask me how my hair appt went, in case you're wondering what it's like to be married 25 yrs.


    — ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ(s) (@3sunzzz) October 17, 2017

    5

    [kids gone for the evening]
    wife: DATE NIGHT???
    me: DATE NIGHT!!!
    [we fall asleep watching 60 minutes]


    — Grant Tanaka (@GrantTanaka) October 16, 2017

    6

    I picked a restaurant

    - marriage sext


    — Jeff️ (@JeffSarcastic) July 5, 2016

    7

    "I really like our fall wreath this year"

    Is a thing I instinctively say because I'm finally getting good at marriage.


    — Simon Holland (@simoncholland) October 11, 2017

    8

    “You’re just getting in the shower NOW???” - Me to my husband 10 minutes before we’re supposed to leave for any event


    — SpacedMom (@copymama) October 22, 2017

    9

    ME: we’re not getting any younger. the decisions we make now will affect our future
    WIFE: *holding phone to chest* do you want guac or not?


    — rob HELLiott (@rockymomax) October 15, 2017

    10

    Relationship status: I must be the authority because my wife always questions me.


    — Boyd's Backyard (@TheBoydP) October 11, 2017

    11

    Idk how many times my wife will yell down the stairs without the kids responding

    So far, it's more than 36.


    — Jackson (@kerouac741) October 22, 2017

    12

    My favorite thing about being married is having someone to follow me around and shut off all the lights in every room of the house.


    — bubble girl (@JessObsess) September 28, 2017

    13

    Accidentally sent my husband a nice text when I was waiting for him to notice we weren’t speaking because I was vaguely mad about something.


    — EricaTriesToTrick (@EricaWhoToYou) October 25, 2017

    14

    So, I’m not certain what the perfect tenth anniversary gift is...

    But according to my wife, it’s not a BFF necklace from Claire’s Boutique.


    — AmishPornStar (@AmishPornStar1) October 18, 2017

    15

    Me: *sets down my beer*

    Wife, three rooms away: I didn't hear a coaster.


    — James Breakwell (@XplodingUnicorn) October 14, 2017

    16

    ME: you know what they say, measure once, cut twice
    WIFE: that's not right. What did you just build?
    *kids fall out of treehouse*


    — Very Scary Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) May 4, 2015

    17

    My wife asked me to slice up 4 blocks of cheese for a cheese tray to take to a party. We ended up bringing a cake.


    — Dan (@Social_Mime) October 19, 2017

    18

    me: Good morning
    wife [not talking to me because of something I said in her dream]


    — Josh (@iwearaonesie) October 24, 2017

    19

    Wife: How many times have I told you NOT to use my face moisturizer as body lotion?
    Me: *skin absolutely glowing* is this a trick question?


    — PunchyK (@AnkCoupleTO) April 19, 2017

    20

    Me: Did I snore last night?
    My wife: No you woke up screaming from a nightmare.
    Me: Awesome.


    — Phil (@geowizzacist) October 8, 2017

    21

    Riddle: If a couple has been married for 25 yrs and they go car shopping in the rain, how long until they fall out of love?

    Answer: 14 mins


    — ᑌᖇᔕᑌᒪᗩ(s) (@3sunzzz) October 10, 2017

    22

    My husband arguing with me about how I like to argue is the spark that keeps this marriage alive.


    — Sarcastic Mommy (@sarcasticmommy4) October 22, 2017

    23

    Only marriage can turn a missing spatula into an act of war.


    — Jersey Devil (@better_off_dad) October 15, 2017

    24

    Say what you will about Facebook but when my wife sees posts by my extended family, at least I don’t look so bad.


    — Boyd's Backyard (@TheBoydP) October 22, 2017

    25

    WIFE: I'm having friends over tonight but ur welcome to hang out with us

    NARRATOR: but he didn't hang out with them, not even for a second


    — Very Scary Kalvin (@KalvinMacleod) October 21, 2017
    • This article originally appeared on HuffPost.

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