Ringing in 2013 properly requires a few things: bottom-shelf champagne, "I survived the apocalypse" t-shirts, excessive sequins and -- most importantly -- New Year's resolutions that may or may not last beyond February.
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You promise to lose weight or quit smoking or stop stalking your ex on Facebook, but what about those people that shoot for a slightly different goal in the new year? Sometimes these resolution-makers come up with brilliant challenges and other times -- well, ummm -- they share goals that are more "WTF?" than an adult dressed like the New Year's baby.
New Years revolution- Stop using my cat as an excuse for a boyfriend
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— Laura Leigh Gedeon (@Laurallg22) December 28, 2012
New Year's Revolution: to stop fancying a slice of buttered bread with every meal.
— Freya(@FuzzCookies) December 31, 2012
My New Years resolution is to never by accident walk in on my dad cleaning the shower naked ever again
— lauren brady (@laurenabrady7) December 31, 2012
My 2013 New Year's resolution? Have less hairy nipples and more hairy armpits.
— jimzwall (@jimzwall) December 31, 2012
My New Years resolution is to get an EZ bake oven and make weed brownies
— LURK $PICE (@XANAXDREAMS) December 29, 2012
My New Years resolution is to just try meth once, I'm not going to end up like that guy.
— Richie Holiday(@RichieHoliday) December 31, 2012
New Year's Resolution: Avoid employing my strikingly-decent impression of Mickey Mouse's voice when having sex
— Just Andy (@LeeryLeary) December 27, 2012
New Years Resolution: Clean sex toys every day.
— Delores Butters (@wooloolooloo9) December 31, 2012
So New Years resolution: never ask my drug dealer how her life has been recently unless I have an hour to spend hearing about it
— Amy Wears Prada (@Sexii_AMY) December 31, 2012
new years resolution- don't smoke weed at school
— Nick Shotorbani (@nickshotorbani) December 31, 2012
Last year I made a resolution to think with my vagina more and that lead to me getting fired this year so I’m gonna roll with that again
— elle rodeo (@elleluminium) December 27, 2012
New Year's resolution: become more of a recluse, wear paper towels as mittens
— samantharrr (@65thvictor) December 31, 2012
new years resolution: leave my dog alone
— sarie (@electrashart) December 31, 2012
My new year's resolution is to randomly sew one sequin onto every piece of clothing I own.
— Sea Lion Sea (@sealionsea) December 26, 2012
My new years revolution is to be able to finish a burrito fromChipotle
— morgan ring (@ring_morgan) December 31, 2012
Eat more Applebee's RT @_maln You all set a New Year's resolution?
— California James (@WTF_ant) December 28, 2012
my new year's resolution? 1600x1200. RT if you love justin bieber and god
— Austin Greene (@Grizzy_Greene) December 31, 2012
My new year resolution is to discover how I woke up naked cuz I'm sure I had clothes on when I went to sleep ;_; good morning.. //yawn
— ROBBY ヽ(´ｰ｀ ) (@iFyre) December 31, 2012
My resolution is to find someone to kiss besides my dog. twitter.com/JessieeeGirl/s…
— Jessie Gallagher (@JessieeeGirl) December 31, 2012
My New Years resolution is I start snapchatting more pictures of my poop to people.
— Thomas Grime (@tommygatz87) December 31, 2012
Find a Baby
There's got to be one crawling around somewhere. What's cuter than kissing a baby's fat cheek? Photo by Win McNamee/Getty Images
This story originally published on Mashable here.