The 20 Funniest Tweets From Women This Week
The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 280-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
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to keep things balanced i like to go back and forth between giving myself way too much credit or none at all
— cardi t (@radioheadass) January 8, 2018
If I haven’t had my 32 cups of raw screams for breakfast, I’m just no good to anyone in the mornings.
— madds (@whatmaddness) January 8, 2018
In 2018 I am doubling down on telling a man to calm down at least once a day.
— Tressie Mc (@tressiemcphd) January 8, 2018
just finished the holiday box of ferrero rocher, am thirteen percent hazelnut
— deaux (@dstfelix) January 10, 2018
I'M BAKING BREAD PUDDING FOR DINNER!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! pic.twitter.com/Qr4VNyVaoF
— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) January 8, 2018
Titles I‘d fully believe were British TV shows:
Beamish and Quigley
The Quite Corking Quiz Show
Shan’t We Tell the Vicar?
A Bee’s As Good As A Bonnet
Up Your Arse, Alistair!
That Isn’t How We Do It in Lincolnshire, That Isn’t How We Do It At All
Just Joanna Lumley— Mara “Get Rid of the Nazis” Wilson (@MaraWilson) January 9, 2018
*chef’s kiss* pic.twitter.com/E5HCwsoibJ
— Angela Hanks (@AngelaHanks) January 9, 2018
Ok sure English is a pretty easy language to learn but then you get to the pronunciation of a word like "colonel" and it's like oh y'all were high for this one
— Sofiya Alexandra (@TheSofiya) January 10, 2018
Good evening. If you’re feeling the same way I am about the state of our country, I recommend an enormous pile of buttered noodles, two glasses of wine, and petting your pets. Sincerely, an actual doctor.
— Ariel Dumas (@ArielDumas) January 12, 2018
Just finished an article link I bookmarked in 2005, and uh yeah, I have some questions
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) January 5, 2018
Me [whispers]: hello my precious
Boyfriend: who are you talking to
Me: my pierogis— Carly Ledbetter (@ledbettercarly) January 9, 2018
I need more friends in this city who I can cook for, then hang out with on my couch while we don't speak to each other, and refuse to wear bras.
— Ashley C. Ford (@iSmashFizzle) January 11, 2018
I just lasted 7 seconds into making a tiny clay hamburger before quitting
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) January 9, 2018
everyone in LA saw a double rainbow but tonight i saw a woman vomit all over the subway after being stuck on the A train for over an hour and let me tell you THAT was a sight to see!!
— Taylor Trudon (@taylortrudon) January 10, 2018
everybody dies order the fucking dessert
— lauren ashley bishop (@sbellelauren) January 10, 2018
I just got an extra 10 minutes of resistance training trying to take off my sports bra.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) January 12, 2018
Next time you answer your phone, I dare you to say:
Hello?
I wish I was a little bit taller. I wish I was a baller. I wish I had a girl who looked good. I would call her. I wish I had a rabbit in a hat with a bat, a 6 4 Impala. I wish I was like 6ft 9 so I could get with Leoshi— amber ruffin (@ambermruffin) January 7, 2018
me listening to melodrama for the 10,000th time. pic.twitter.com/YQ9QFjMlzT
— Melissa Radzimski (@melissaradz) January 9, 2018
My favorite thing about winter is that I can blame everything wrong with my body and mood on the cold dry air and the moon.
— A.B. (@AlannaBennett) January 10, 2018
me, every morning: coffee remains the one true good
— Jen Doll (@thisisjendoll) January 11, 2018
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This article originally appeared on HuffPost.