The 20 Funniest Tweets From Women This Week
The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 280-character musings. For this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for our past collections.
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Jan 1: New Year, new me!
Jan 2: I’m back on my bullshit.— Zeba Blay (@zblay) January 2, 2018
FIRST ACCOMPLISHMENT OF 2018: I have finished The Crown.
FIRST HEARTBREAK OF 2018: I have finished The Crown.— Anne T. Donahue (@annetdonahue) January 1, 2018
In 2018, I look forward to continue my tradition of being lovingly referred to as “extra ranch girl” at many minneapolis institutions.
— finding mimo (@mandyapolis) January 1, 2018
forgot to make a resolution so I'm just gonna pick one thing I've already done today and run with it
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) January 2, 2018
andy cohen better host the trump-bannon reunion
— Ziwe (@ziwe) January 3, 2018
*listens to Bon Iver once* pic.twitter.com/vS2YGrJHvG
— Kashana (@kashanacauley) January 2, 2018
I'm not saying women are perfect, but I am saying that when we're in charge of stuff we don't go around threatening each other with our boobs.
— Chloe Angyal (@ChloeAngyal) January 3, 2018
muffins are god's way of telling you it's ok to eat cake for breakfast
— Imani Gandy (@AngryBlackLady) January 3, 2018
If I ever say I’m going to the club, I definitely mean Sam’s Club.
— ShayMight.. (@justsomegirl81) January 3, 2018
guide to office speak:
per my last slack/email - can u read
let's take this offline - we're done talking about this
take an action item - let's not and say we did
when you get a chance - right NOW motherfucker
just checking in - hey bitch where u been— katie zhu (@ktzhu) January 4, 2018
me on new year's eve: how can you honestly expect me to stay up til MIDNIGHT
me every other night at 2am: does anyone love me— Jill Gutowitz (@jillboard) January 1, 2018
“My Pillow doesn’t get too hot, My Pillow doesn’t get too cold. My Pillow is made with porridge in a pot, nine days old.” pic.twitter.com/8KjeOUsl6z
— Abbi Crutchfield (@curlycomedy) January 3, 2018
I Ghosted You But I Still Follow You On Social Media: a memoir by trash people who make no sense
— Lane Moore (@hellolanemoore) January 2, 2018
The closest I get to a food diary is my shirt at the end of the day.
— Abby Heugel (@AbbyHasIssues) January 3, 2018
Come on, everyone knows the four major seasons: "rosé all day" season, "pumpkin spice" season, "new year new you" season and "festival" season
— Tyler McCall (@eiffeltyler) January 4, 2018
Ladies and gentlemen, I'm proud to present pic.twitter.com/s0My1mbs9f
— Helen Rosner (@hels) January 4, 2018
I love seeing my friends on vacation. I watch their stories and like their pictures all happy. I also think I’m with them. When they get back I’m like “omg we had so much fun visiting that waterfall near the beach. We gotta go back.”
— quinta b. (@quintabrunson) January 3, 2018
Sad to report that 2018 is just three 2017s stacked in a trench coat.
— Cara Weinberger (@caraweinberger) January 2, 2018
How much spinach I start cooking vs how much I end up with. pic.twitter.com/DWmWEKQFkm
— Simply TC (Not From Concentrate) (@BienSur_JeTaime) January 5, 2018
I hope in 2018 Twitter gives us the ability to have more specific location tags on our tweets, like “laying balled up on the floor” or “crying in the Wendy’s bathroom”
— Ash (an female) (@adult_mom) January 3, 2018
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This article originally appeared on HuffPost.