The Funniest Tweets From Women This Week
The ladies of Twitter never fail to brighten our days with their brilliant ― but succinct ― wisdom. Each week, HuffPost Women rounds up hilarious 280-character musings. To see this week’s great tweets from women, scroll through the list below. Then visit our Funniest Tweets From Women page for past roundups.
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Me during interviews: I love challenges
Me day 1: if I have to fill out a form for direct deposit I don’t want it— Alyssa Limperis (@alyssalimp) October 28, 2018
The smoke alarm going off after midnight because I’m baking a frozen pizza is my anthem
— Charlene deGuzman (@charstarlene) October 31, 2018
Kid: Trick-or-Treating
Teen: haunted house
20s: House party
30s: Costume contest at a bar
40s: I dunno, maybe go get some candy to eat while we watch Nightmare on Elm Street? It all seems hard.— Kendra Alvey (@Kendragarden) October 31, 2018
You know you’re annoyed when you wish you could hang up on the text convo.
— Quinta. (@quintabrunson) October 29, 2018
Happy anniversary to the almond at the bottom of my purse.
— Elizabeth Hackett (@LizHackett) October 30, 2018
(hits service light)
FLIGHT ATTENDANT: “Yes miss, what is it you need?”
ME: “Is Mr. Rogers... hot?”
F.A.: “What?”
Me: “Like his whole deal is hot kind of.”
F.A.: “...maybe???”
AIR MARSHALL: “Hi I’m the air marshall, u need to stop.”
ME: “No but like picture him.”
A.M.: “...shit.”— Anna Drezen (@annadrezen) October 29, 2018
please i need to know how taylor swift feels about flu shots i am in the pharmacy and need answers fast
— Aparna Nancherla (@aparnapkin) October 29, 2018
if you ever want to know when the newest MacBook comes out, it’s normally 5 days after I fucking buy one
— christine teigen (@chrissyteigen) October 30, 2018
Happy Halloween, or as it's known on Twitter, Dress Your Baby and/or Dog Like Ruth Bader Ginsburg Day
— Sara B (@sara_bee) October 31, 2018
Me after hot yoga. pic.twitter.com/TaWhGXbECV
— Lili Reinhart (@lilireinhart) October 31, 2018
*friend posts pic with older guy*
me: oh wow hes cute. yall are cute together.
her: thats my dad.
me: oh
her:
me:
me: he single tho or— Dani Fernandez (@msdanifernandez) October 31, 2018
it took me 15 years of eating them before I learned how to say “charcuterie” so the moral of this story is hard work and persistence pays off
— Scaachi (@Scaachi) October 31, 2018
adult Halloween is doing a face mask and feeling mildly sick because you ate all the cookies your mom sent you in one sitting 🤷♀️
— Samantha Tomaszewski (@managewski) November 1, 2018
sharing a google doc is more intimate than having sex
— t (@radioheadass) October 31, 2018
me at work: gonna start writing for fun again, gonna start a fashion blog, gonna write reviews for the movies i see, gonna start actually reading those books i bought, gonna exercise more regularly
me everyday when i get home: three hours in bed switching between like four apps— kendall 🕸 (@kendall_l) October 30, 2018
┏┓
┃┃╱╲ in this
┃╱╱╲╲ house
╱╱╭╮╲╲ we
▔▏┗┛▕▔
╱▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔▔╲
;; anxiously delete our ;l
;; tweets like an hour ;;
╱╱ after tweeting ╲╲
╱╱┏┳┓╭╮┏┳┓ ╲╲
▔▏┗┻┛┃┃┗┻┛▕— Sammy Nickalls 👻 (@sammynickalls) November 1, 2018
How many times do you think I could say, “Woow, the costume of capitalism!” to a man in a suit before I get punched in the face
— Karen Chee (@karencheee) October 31, 2018
*leaves the house one time*
Time to start a travel adventure YouTube channel, the people need to see this— Mariya Alexander (@MariyaAlexander) October 29, 2018
im pretty sure “perfect” skin is 90% genetics and a healthy emotional state but sure tell me about ur creams
— Lane Moore (@hellolanemoore) October 30, 2018
ppl who get periods should not have to work on days 1 & 2.
thank you for coming to my ted talk.— claire schwartz (@23cschwartz) November 1, 2018
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This article originally appeared on HuffPost.