20 Of The Funniest Tweets About Married Life (April 9-15)

Marriage is full of highs, lows and a whole bunch of ordinary moments in between. Somehow the married people on X, formerly known as Twitter, continue to find humor in the minutiae of wedded life.

Every week, we round up the funniest marriage tweets on the platform. Read on for 20 relatable ones that will have you laughing in agreement.

Marriage tip: If your wife says it’s ok for you to go out on a guys night while she stays with the kids, bring back something juicy for her to enjoy and feast on, like gossip.

— My Life As Dad (@milifeasdad) April 12, 2024 ">

My husband has some nerve commenting on my grey hair like he isn’t the cause at least half of them

— Mommeh Dearest (@mommeh_dearest) April 11, 2024 ">

Wife [at a hotel]: Did you sleep ok without me? I never sleep when you're not in bed with me.

Me [fully rested after 10 hrs of uninterrupted sleep]: No omg so tired.

— Rodney Lacroix (@RodLacroix) April 13, 2024 ">

I once asked my mother-in-law when she knew my husband was gay and she said, "oh honey. That boy came out of the womb and the closet at the same time."

— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) April 9, 2024 ">

One day you're young and in love; next thing you know, twenty years have passed, and your husband has started listening to yacht rock.

— Stabbatha Christy (@LoveNLunchmeat) April 13, 2024 ">

my husband thinks i accepted his apology but wait until he sees that i rearranged the tool shed

— nika (@nikalamity) April 11, 2024 ">

I was at a craft fair yesterday and I overheard a man say to his wife in a tone that conveyed no less than 6 emotions, Please no more potholders.

— Mary (@AnniemuMary) April 14, 2024 ">

I don’t need google I have a wife.

— Dad Named Matt 🇺🇸 (@mahnamematt) April 12, 2024 ">

Rule #27 of marriage is clear: Dessert that is mine is only mine; dessert that is his is also mine.

— sixfootcandy (@sixfootcandy) April 9, 2024 ">

no matter how many examples that my wife keeps pointing out, I refuse to believe my kids get their stubborness from me

— 🌜🤷♂️ 🤯Dad Moon Rising🤯 🤷♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) April 12, 2024 ">

I told my next door neighbor yesterday that my husband just had me plant our 24th tree in our small yard and he gasped and gave me a look like he was a safe space if I needed help.

— Eli McCann (@EliMcCann) April 11, 2024 ">

My wife deleted social media off her phone which has actually been great for my productivity because now she does all her scrolling on my phone

— Average Dad (@Average_Dad1) April 12, 2024 ">

Yes it’s all about balance in a marriage. My husband listens to me talk with his headphones on and I fall asleep whilst he’s talking to me.

— Late to the party Laura (@ericamorecambe) April 11, 2024 ">

My wife said she'd leave me if I didn't stop using terrible similes, but like a pigeon breakdancing, I couldn't stop.

— FᎪᎢ ᏩᎪNᎠᎪᏞF (@sofarrsogud) April 10, 2024 ">

This morning I watched my husband do his hair in the time it took me to put in a single contact lens in case you’re wondering what gender disparity is bothering me today.

— Jennifer Parker (@Mrs_JParker) April 10, 2024 ">

We keep a calendar in the kitchen for social commitments, My husband just yelled, “WHO IS KATIE?” I said, “A high school friend I haven’t seen in 20 years. She’s hosting a party this Sunday 4-6. You’re going to love her!”

Husband, a tear in his eye, whispered, “No.” #themasters

— Lady Lawya (@Parkerlawyer) April 9, 2024 ">

my husband told me that i kept making really irritated expressions when he would say things and he was like "good lord WHY do you look so annoyed??????" and it was then that i realized that my botox has worn off 💀

— emily (@emilykmay) April 9, 2024 ">

the key to a successful marriage is telling your partner to remind you of important information before they tell you to remind them so when you both forget you can blame the other person

— 🌜🤷♂️ 🤯Dad Moon Rising🤯 🤷♂️🌛 (@raoulvilla) April 9, 2024 ">

When you first meet you can’t stop staring into each other’s eyes. 15 years on and you can’t believe your eyes as your husband tries eating a potato that’s too hot for his mouth.

— Late to the party Laura (@ericamorecambe) April 15, 2024 ">

My wife’s love language is rage cleaning our home.

— Dadof2Boys (@Dadof2crazyboys) April 12, 2024 ">