13 struggles you’ll only understand if you’ve flown with Ryanair
With a Ryanair cock-up throwing the plans of thousands of travellers into disarray, we consider the most testing problems that greet those who fly with the low-cost airline.
1. That jingle
You know, the trumpet sound, which rings out at the end of most Ryanair flights, heralding another on-time arrival, despite the fact you took off half an hour late. Critics would say that’s schedule padding for you, though Ryanair claims it doesn’t engage in the practice of overstating journey times to meet punctuality targets. Chinny reckon.
2. Being sold to, constantly
You’re on the Ryanair website and you’ve selected your flights. Great, now it’s time to pay. Not so fast. Would you like to travel with luggage? Do you want to select your seats? Would you like priority boarding? Do you need insurance? Would you like a hire car? Do you need a hotel? Endless sales. One thing they don’t offer, however, is a mindfulness course, which is exactly what you need by the time you’ve actually paid for your flights.
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3. Cheese and ham paninis
Even if you refrain from buying one of Ryanair’s in-flight cheese and ham paninis – and we strongly recommend you do, especially at €5.50 a pop – you won’t escape the smell, which, along with a sense of mild disappointment, tends to linger in the cabin.
4. Being flogged scratchcards
Go on, do you not fancy a wee flutter at 35,000 feet?
5. Having hand luggage put in the hold
Ryanair is not the only airline guilty of this. The trend amongst low-cost carriers for charging passengers to check their luggage into the hold has, unsurprisingly, encouraged more passengers to travel with hand bags, which, also unsurprisingly, has meant there is not enough space in the overhead lockers. This means, yep, you guessed it, your bag has to go in the hold after all.
6. The exchange rate
Or rather lack of one: Ryanair charges the same rate in pounds as euros for all extras, which is bad news for Britons already feeling the squeeze.
7. Being blinded by the yellow
The colour scheme on Ryanair’s planes (at least on the older ones) seems to have been inspired exclusively by the football kit of the Brazilian national side. And in plumping for blue and yellow, Ryanair has, according to various studies, opted for the most and least popular colours in the world. A metaphor, perhaps, for the divisive character of the airline.
8. Not actually flying to your destination
You live in Bristol and you fancy a weekend in Barcelona? Good news: Ryanair can get you there. Well, part of the way; the airline will actually drop you off in Girona, 100km from the Catalan capital. You can find your own way from there, right?
9. Stag dos
Not exclusive to Ryanair, stag and hen dos have become an unwelcome feature on some low-cost flights. You know the drill: groups of lairy lads and lasses – often in matching t-shirts, except for the bride or groom, who wears a gimp mask – chucking overpriced booze down their necks on the way to Barcelona, which is actually Girona (see point seven), making lots of noise and giving the cabin crew some lip, before finally being escorted off the plane at the other end by unamused police officers.
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10. Staring at safety instructions... for three hours
If ever you’re involved in an emergency landing, you will likely find yourself thanking Ryanair. Why? Because the airline displays safety instructions on the back of every seat, which frequent flyers will now surely know verbatim. Until that unlikely emergency landing you will continue to curse the airline for not offering something more interesting to look at.
11. Travelling light(er)
Ryanair passengers have to be thriftier with space than those flying with EasyJet and Jet2, for the Irish carrier is stingier than its low-cost rivals when it comes to maximum carry-on dimensions. Who needs sunscreen anyway, right?
12. Holding your stuff for three hours
Books, newspapers, magazines, iPads: whatever reading material or entertainment gadgets you’re travelling with, expect to hold them for the duration of the flight – even when you’re not using them – because Ryanair, annoyingly, doesn’t have any seat pockets for passengers to store things in. The Irish carrier isn’t alone; Jet2 also deems seat pockets superfluous.
13. Your pilot going on holiday
About that city break you’re going on: it can’t happen now, unfortunately, because – well, it’s all quite embarrassing really – but because there’s a backlog of annual leave at Ryanair; all the pilots are going away, you see, so the flight has been cancelled.
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