13 honest alerts every transit app needs

You need to know what time the train leaves and where it's headed. Thankfully, there are a variety of apps to help you do that.

But wouldn't it be great if the apps told you what you really needed to know? Which train car is too crowded? Which line is going to randomly go express?

SEE ALSO: The 'Subway Idiot' is back, and he's running for love

Here are some features we'd love to see added to transit apps.

1. A notification stating which train car has a loose bottle rolling around. You know, those bottles that you kick to get them away from you, and then you watch them roll for a while, and finally you forget about it just in time for it to roll into you again.

2. Alerts for which busses have crying babies on them.

3. Alerts for which busses will have crying adults on them.

4. Alerts for which busses will provide you with the most privacy for your own crying on public transportation.

5. Notifications for what, exactly, the train car is going to smell like. Rotten eggplant? Body odor and elderflower?

6. Warnings before the lights randomly shut off in this car.

7. Notification for which train is overcrowded crowded.

8. Notification for which train is too empty.

9. Notification for which seat is too warm.

10. Notification for when there are no open seats.

11. Notification for when there are open seats, but soon you're going to have to give up the seat for someone else.

12. Warning before you sit down in a puddle of something.

13. Alert for when there's an acquaintance of yours on the bus.

BONUS: Subway Dictionary