12 brutally honest answers to those awkward family questions about your love life
LONDON — Happy holidays one and all. Tis the season for spending time with your lovely but mildly irritating family and distant relatives you haven't seen all year.
They want to hear all your news. Seriously, ALL of your news. You know, your job, your wellbeing, your home, and — naturally — your relationship status. Cool.
Unfortunately, unless you're coupled up and able to call someone your boyfriend or girlfriend, it's pretty tricky to find an answer for those awkward and annoying questions.
You could titter awkwardly or straight-up avoid the question entirely, but here's a thought: how about telling them the unfiltered, unabashed truth?
Here are 12 brutally honest ways to answer questions about your relationship status.
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Have you got a partner?
Oh god. The dreaded question. And, it's been asked so soon into the festivities. Do I tell them I've spent the past three months eating sharing bags of crisps in my pjs as I binge-watch Orange Is The New Black?
Option one: I don't know if I can call this guy my partner. But we do have sex once a week and he occasionally likes my Instagrams. Does that still count?
Option two: No one fancies me. So, that's that. Please don't ask me anything else.
Option three: I have several partners, actually. Sexual partners. That's what we're talking about, right?
Option four: No. And I haven't for the past five years. Really, I'm fine with the prospect of dying alone surrounded by 30 very loving cats.
When are you planning on settling down?
There is nothing more annoying than this question. Settling down is not something that can ever be planned. It either happens or it doesn't.
Option one: Honestly, it's a struggle to keep myself fed and bathed on a regular basis. Once I've nailed that, I'll consider entering more humans into the equation.
Option two: I just want to keep on having casual sex as long as I possibly can. So, no plans for the foreseeable future. K, cool.
Option three: I'm gradually coming to the conclusion that I'm enough on my own. I can't really improve on this level of perfection.
Option four: I don't like to make plans. I'll leave it up to the universe to decide when or if I settle down.
What happened to the last one?
Great. As if the interrogation wasn't bad enough. They've started trudging up lovers of the past. Hey relatives, here's a tip: if we haven't mentioned them, then something bad probably happened!
Option one: Oh I don't know. He dumped me? Thanks for reminding me.
Option two: Um, she "borrowed" my iPod and then ghosted me. So that happened.
Option three: She cheated on me with my best friend and I found out on Twitter. I still cry myself to sleep sometimes. I'm OK though, really I am.
Option four: He never existed. I just made him up so you'd stop asking me all these annoying questions.
