Papa Roach singer talks about his suicide battle
This Sept. 20, 2012 photo shows Jacoby Shaddix, lead singer of the American rock band Papa Roach, posing for a portrait in New York. Papa Roach is releasing their new album, "The Connection," on Oct. 2. (Photo by Victoria Will/Invision/AP)
NEW YORK (AP) — The recording process for Papa Roach's new album was dark and heavy: Lead singer Jacoby Shaddix's substance abuse had spun out of control, he'd split from his wife of more than a decade and had contemplated taking his own life.
"There was a moment in the record where I was suicidal," Shaddix, 36, said in an interview last week. "I was done. I'm like, 'I'm over this. I can't do this anymore. I can't take this pain anymore. Like, I feel so alone and broken and just shattered.'
"Like, everything that I had worked for in my life and said that I wasn't going to be, I don't want to be like my father — what happens? I'm like this drunk, (mess)-up that destroyed his family. I did it. I'm sitting there like, 'I did everything I said I'd never do.'"
Shaddix, the frontman for Papa Roach, was close to his breaking point. He said producer James Michael encouraged him to record material for the rock band's new album.
He fretted at first but decided to give it a try.
"The Connection," Papa Roach's seventh album, due out Tuesday, features songs about Shaddix's tumultuous and scariest moments.
"This record is a snapshot of me at my most desperate and broken," he said.
Papa Roach, which includes Jerry Horton, Tobin Esperance and Tony Palermo, is best known for the hits "Scars" and "Last Resort." They recorded the new album in a self-built studio in Sacramento, Calif., and it's their first release on the independent label Eleven Seven Music.
The band's tour was canceled last month after Shaddix had surgery to remove a nodule on his left vocal cord.
He said the vocal cord now "feels good."
AP: It seems like there was a lot going on while you were recording the new album.
Shaddix: Me personally, I've got substance abuse issues, I got issues period, but substance issues ... it had its clutches in me again. You know, I went out on the last record and I was trying to kid myself and act like I can party like other people and I just can't. It starts out fun and then it's fun with problems and then it's just all problems. ... I was just a wreck and I was in total denial. ... My brother came down to the studio ... and he's like, "I used to look up to you, man. Like, what happened? What happened to my older brother? Like I used to idolize you. Now look at you." ... That was a hard pill to swallow. ... The next day I woke up, I'm like, "I'm on a new path. I'm cleaning my act up. I'm kicking the booze and the pills and the weed and everything."