Pete Doherty Writes About Addiction, Recovery in Touching Personal Essay

Pete Doherty at the Hope Rehab Centre (photo: Facebook)

Pete Doherty was once one of rock ‘n’ roll’s most notorious junkies. His Britpop band, the Libertines, got off to a promising start, with their 2002 debut Up the Bracket (produced by Mick Jones of the Clash) going to No. 1 on the U.K. album chart and their sophomore album (also helmed by Jones) declared the second-best album of 2004 by NME magazine. But then the Libertines stalled, and eventually split, due to Doherty’s serious problems with drugs.

He unsuccessfully underwent multiple (usually court-ordered) rehab stints. He spent time in prison — once for breaking into his on/off bandmate Carl Barat’s flat. He was even blamed for nearly wrecking the career of his then-girlfriend Kate Moss, after she was scandalously photographed in 2005 doing drugs in his recording studio.

Many Doherty detractors might be surprised to learn that the long-troubled rocker, now age 35, is still alive. They’d be even more surprised to read an eloquent personal essay that he just wrote from the Hope Rehab Centre in Thailand — where he is currently undergoing treatment — in which he details his decade-long battle with addiction and reveals that he is finally getting clean.

The incredibly frank, 1,700-word essay for U.K. paper The Independent begins with Doherty reminiscing about his carefree, cannabis-addled teens — the years before his life took a darker turn, once he discovered heroin. “I just thought I was having ‘fun,’ I didn’t think I had a problem; I never even considered that I was an addict,” he writes.

"Now, more than 10 years on, I can see that drugs have flummoxed me. In most aspects of my life I think I’m a pretty sane person. If I hadn’t been successful with my music, I think I would have pushed myself to be successful at something else because I’m like that — I’m a grafter. But I got addicted. I wanted to stop, but I couldn’t."

Doherty explains that he was “running out holes to hide in” when he finally decided to give the Hope Rehab Centre a try — this time of his own free will, not due to a court mandate or yet another intervention. “Until now, rehab had always been forced on me. I was either bailed to go to rehab, or there were conditions like ‘you need to stay in a rehab or go to jail.’ But I’d never really wanted to get clean before now. I think this is the first time I said, ‘I’ve got to go.’”

Doherty admits that he used to believe that he wouldn’t “be able to perform [music] if I wasn’t f---ed up.” Now he realizes that drugs have not only hurt his career, but have damaged his personal life as well: “I’ve been thinking about my life, my loss of friends, relationships, opportunities, money, my values. There’s also the loss of a relationship with my son and my daughter, who I’ve only met once. All that loss; I just got so good at blocking it out.”

The Libertines reformed earlier this year for a series of triumphant comeback gigs (including one at London’s Hyde Park), and have hinted at the possibility of a third studio album, which would be the band’s first release since 2004. Doherty seems to have high hopes for his post-rehab musical output. “I think my creativity is going to flourish when I get clean,” he says. “There are so many songs I started and never finished, and I’ve wasted so much time while I’ve been using drugs. Even if I was at the typewriter I wasn’t doing anything, I was just there. I was more likely to do a line off it than write anything, so I think now my creativity will blossom.”

Doherty also hopes to help addicts less fortunate than himself (i.e., those without rock-star access to high-end treatment facilities), writing: “Being [at Hope Centre] has made me realize how much I want to help other people struggling with addiction. So many people could benefit so much from treatment here… Compared to other rehab centers, Hope isn’t expensive. [A 30-day stay costs roughly $9,000.] But some people with drug problems live day-to-day from hand to mouth. This is why, once I’m a bit further along in my recovery, I’m going to do a few shows to raise money for people who really want to get clean and need this treatment.”

Doherty poignantly concludes: “To anyone struggling with addiction, I would say this: just hang on, hang on. There is a way out. You will heal. I don’t care how much damage you’ve done, you can heal. I would say ask someone for help, just get yourself along to an NA or AA meeting, you’ll be amazed. I know I was.”

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