First Person: My ‘American Idol’ Experience, by Sarah Sellers
The 15th and final bittersweet season of American Idol is underway, and all season long, Yahoo Music’s Reality Rocks is inviting alumni from the series to share their stories. Tonight, the series will air its very last auditions ever, so we’re running an essay by repeat auditioner Sarah Sellers. Sarah didn’t make it onto the air until Season 10 (when then-judge Steven Tyler famously complimented her large, Tyler-esque lips), but her Idol journey extended over the course of nine years and five different auditions. Here, she tells her tale of perseverance.
(Sarah when she finally made it on the show. Photo courtesy of Fox)
I vividly remember watching Kelly Clarkson grace the American Idol stage during Season 1. A friend of mine called me up and said that I had to check out this new reality series and that I should audition for the next season.
Reality singing shows weren’t really a thing when I was growing up. Star Search was around until the mid’-90s, but I spent most of my childhood auditioning for school plays and local talent shows. I was blown away by Clarkson’s voice, the excitement of getting to sing on national TV, and the dream of winning and getting a record deal. So, in the fall of 2002 I jumped in the car with my mom and drove from Dallas to Austin to audition for Season 2.
The audition process then was nothing like it is today. They weren’t held at a stadium, but at the Renaissance Hotel. We showed up the night before the auditions and noticed there was a line wrapped around the hotel. People had been there for hours, some for days. I had no idea what to expect, how many people knew about the show, or what to do. There wasn’t a website outlining the entire process or spoilers online detailing what to expect.
We waited for about an hour or so until a few staff members came out to explain that not everyone would be seen, and they started putting wristbands on the first few hundred people. So I got my wristband and sheet detailing the auditions and went back to my hotel room. The next morning there was no cattle-call or man on a giant megaphone instructing the auditioners to scream into a camera. You just walked into the hotel, registered at the desk and waited… and waited… and waited. One thing that’s been pretty consistent all these years is that you can expect to be there all day.
When it was time, we were placed in groups of four and led into a small conference room. In the room were about five people sitting at a table. They called us up one by one to sing our song. Before we were led into the room, we were told that we would get enough time to sing a verse and a chorus of our song. When it was my turn I stepped up, said my name, and dove into “It Hurt So Bad” by Susan Tedeschi. I sang my verse and chorus and politely stopped – before the judges stopped me – and one of the five panelists motioned me to keep singing. I was so nervous that I completely choked and couldn’t remember the next verse. After all four of us finished singing, the judges asked for one person to stay and thanked the rest of us for auditioning.
I was pretty bummed, to say the least. I had been singing since I was 6 years old and really thought I had a chance of making it through. So in my youthful naiveté and arrogance, I went home bitter and upset. I didn’t watch another episode of American Idol until Season 5.
After a failed record deal, a bad American Idol audition, and quite a few no’s, I decided to take a break from pursuing music for a few years, aside from the occasional hometown gig. It didn’t take me long to realize I was running away from what I was meant to do. So in the summer of 2008, I hopped on a plane to visit my older brother in Salt Lake City and audition for Season 8. This time, the process was completely different. Instead of walking up to an AI assistant to get my wristband, I had to wait in line with thousands of other hopefuls to register for the auditions a day in advance.
We were instructed to show up extremely early the next morning, because there was a possibility that they wouldn’t get to audition everyone. So I showed up around 5 a.m., ready to go. Since I auditioned on the last day, I was in one of the last groups to audition. So needless to say… I waited, and waited, and waited. While we were being ushered into the stadium, a large group of us was instructed to chant a few promotional lines for the season’s early promos. It was exciting, and definitely felt so much bigger than my little audition at the Renaissance Hotel in 2002.
Similar to Season 2, we were grouped into fours and brought down to the stadium floor to sing in front of two judges. But that wasn’t until after Ryan Seacrest made his way into the stadium to amp everyone up and get a few more promotional shots. Some people still think that you wait all that time to sing in front of the celebrity judges. There were about 12 separate tables set up on the floor and each group of four took their turn singing in front of employees of 19 Entertainment. Very similarly to my first audition, I stepped up and sang my song, “Lesson Learned” by Alicia Keys. This time I didn’t stop until they told me to. After everyone sang the judges smiled, thanked us for coming, and sent all four of us on our way. Nobody in my group made it to the next round.
This time around, I wasn’t going to let another no keep me from pursuing my dreams. So I went home, continued to perform around town and hone my craft, and worked towards giving it another shot.
I auditioned for Season 9 in my hometown of Dallas at the Dallas Cowboys stadium. Every year got bigger and bigger, but I also realized: yes, they do see most everyone, and no, you don’t have to show up at 5 a.m. the day before your audition. So my friend and I showed up early on the second day of registration, got our wristbands, and showed up about an hour before they let everyone in the next morning. There was the typical waving to the cameras, singing, and getting tons of promotional shots, and of course… waiting. At this point, you know the drill… groups of four, step up to the judges, sing your song, and hold your breath for the answer. This time around, they asked me to sing another song… and yet again, I was sent home. But something felt different; they had never asked me to sing another song before, and that gave me an enormous amount of confidence and motivation. So instead of waiting for the next year, I went home, booked a flight to Denver, and about a month later was in another stadium, auditioning for the second time for Season 9.
This time I decided to keep it simple and sing Rihanna’s “Umbrella.” When I walked up to the judges, a few of them recognized me from Dallas and Salt Lake City. At this point I thought, “Screw it. Just sing, have fun, and if they don’t pick you… there’s always next year.” So the four of us stepped up, sang, and there were those words again: “Thank you guys so much for coming out today. Unfortunately, we’re not going to put you through, but thanks again.” And then: “Sarah, can you please stay a little longer?”
They loved me! They loved the audition and wanted to send me through to the next round. When I took my golden ticket and started walking in the opposite direction, one of the judges pulled me to the side. He said, “Hey, haven’t I seen you before?” I said yes and he asked me, “How many times have you auditioned, and why are you just now getting through?” I told him that I finally decided to pick a more current song and I think that really helped me. He said that was absolutely it, and that he was really happy to see me through to the next round.
Those that were selected for the next round were ushered inside the stadium and given a packet of paperwork to fill out. This included a first initial contract to sign and a ton of questions asking about my story. After a little bit more waiting, I was taken into a separate room with five or six more people and another camera. There I was asked a few more questions, sang my song again, and made it through! On to round three!
The next round was held about a month or so later in Denver in front of the executive producers of the show. We were given a list of songs that we could sing, and I chose “Mercy” by Duffy. Instead of a stadium floor or a room filled with strangers, this audition felt more like the televised auditions in front of the judges. It was on set, except instead of Simon Cowell and Randy Jackson it was Ken Warwick (AI’s executive producer at the time) and a few other producers of the show. It was the last city of auditions and I was one of the last to sing. I was feeling pretty confident and thought I had the perfect song. Little did I realize that “Mercy” was probably sung by half of the females that auditioned that season. There’s a fine line between picking a popular song and one that’s been beat to death. It didn’t fair well. Warwick seemed annoyed and tired. He looked me in the face and said, “You’re a good singer, but you’re not a SINGER.” I had no idea what the hell he meant. All I knew is I was headed back on a plane the next day with no golden ticket.
It took me a while to really understand what Ken was talking about. In fact, I didn’t really get it the entire time I was auditioning. Something that is so misunderstood about reality singing shows is just that… it’s reality TV. I’ll never forget seeing Ken again, this time a year later in California, and he said, “No matter what happens tomorrow, please don’t let anything discourage you. A lot of good people are going to get cut. Remember that this is a TV show and there will be really talented people that get cut that probably shouldn’t.”
So I took what he said, thought about it, reevaluated my experience over the last few years, and headed, one last time, to New Orleans for the Season 10 auditions
You know the drill: register, cattle-call audition in the stadium, audition two in front of the producers of the show, audition three in front of Ken Warwick. And there we were again, a year later, face-to-face. This time I sang Joss Stone’s “You Had Me.” Ken instantly said, “Did I see you last year?” I said, “Yes, you didn’t like me very much.” He laughed and said he didn’t know why, that he must have been in a bad mood.
And there it was: Seven years after my first attempt and five cities later, I made it to the judges’ round. Not Hollywood – the judges’ round. At this point I felt like I was friends with the production staff. I wanted it really badly and had a great feeling about the new judges.
After my audition in front of Ken, it was another three months or so until I went back to New Orleans to audition in front of Jennifer Lopez, Randy Jackson, and Steven Tyler. The audition process was much, much more fun. We had interviews with the camera crew, hung out in a nice hotel… still lots of waiting, but it was a lot more comfortable. Before the auditions started, the three judges came into the room where we were waiting and gave us a little pep talk. I have to admit, I was a little starstruck by J.Lo (we weren’t allowed to call her that, by the way). She was more beautiful in person than I can describe, and so warm. I was aching with nervousness but beyond excited.
After waiting most of the morning, it was my turn. They brought myself and a few other auditioners (one being extremely talented Season 10 finalist Brett Loewenstern) into the room where the auditions were being held to wait for our turn. I could hear them critique the first singer. It was beyond nerve-racking. Brett went before me and killed his audition – off to Hollywood. When I walked in, I was so nervous, and the judges were very distracted. They were still talking about the audition before me and I had to interject myself into the conversation to get the attention back on me. Steven and I had a lovely exchange about my lips, I was trying to keep my composure internally, and then it was time to sing.
My televised audition only showed me singing “Make You Feel My Love” by Bob Dylan/Adele, but I actually sang the Joss Stone song first (“You Had Me”). They didn’t seem too overly excited about the song ,so I immediately asked if they wanted me to sing something else. They said yes. I quivered my way through “Make You Feel My Love” and honestly didn’t think I made it through. I was overwhelmed by nerves. But they loved it! It was three yeses, one golden ticket, and I was off to Hollywood – er, Pasadena. But not until I signed a much larger contract, told my life story, went through a psych test, a background check, etc. Producers have definitely learned their lesson in the past and take every precaution to make sure the contestants are not only mentally prepared for the show, but that everyone is telling the truth about their experiences.
California was a really short trip for me, but an amazing experience. There were a lot of fellow contestants on the plane and we were grouped together, so it gave us the opportunity to bond and get to know each other. Once we landed, there was a camera crew waiting to film us as we got off the plane. From there we were taken to the hotel to check in. That was probably the longest process of all. A record number of people were sent to Hollywood that year, around 350. We were all ushered into a banquet hall, where we waited for our group to register. While I was registering, I noticed plaques in groups of eight to 10, with the contestants’ pictures on them. Some of the pictures had red dots. I’m pretty sure they were used by the judges during the first few rounds to decide who they wanted to send through.
Once we were all registered, we went into another large ballroom, where the executive producers of the show talked with us about the process, what they were expecting from us, and the unfortunate reality that since so many people were sent to Hollywood, day one would involve a mass cutting of people.
I was extremely nervous on day one. I chose my song from the list they gave us and decided to be true to my roots and sing “Love Sneakin’ Up on You” by Bonnie Raitt. I was raised singing blues and gospel music and had been singing Bonnie Raitt tunes since I was a kid. The day was extremely long, and I was thankful I didn’t have to wait until day two to audition. This time we were put in groups of 10 and led out on the big stage at the Pasadena Civic Center. Similar to the cattle-call auditions, we were instructed to step up and sing a cappella. We also had to tell the camera why we wanted this so badly.
When it was my turn to sing, something happened to me that has never happened before: I completely blacked out. I remember stepping up to sing, saying how badly I wanted to be on the show, then nothing. I was so nervous that I just went on autopilot while I was singing. Little did I know that the future American Idol winner Scotty McCreery was in the same line as me, as well as early favorite Jacee Badeaux. Unfortunately, that audition was the end of my Idol journey. When I walked off the stage I did my exit interview, and the next morning was on a plane back to Dallas.
Five auditions. Five cities. Making it to the top 350 out of 100,000 people (in New Orleans). My Idol journey was an amazing experience. I learned so much about myself as an artist and performer and one very important lesson: At the end of the day, it’s a TV show. You have to go home and make your dreams happen – with or without a camera crew.
