Taylor Swift, Framed

John Kordosh
Framed (NEW)

Hello, readers. We're glad to metaphorically see you again.

You may have heard of Tom Swift, and/or Tom Swiftisms — also known as Swiftys. Tom was a character who appeared in juvenile literature about 100 years ago in dozens of riveting tales. In his literary adventures, Tom was a teenaged genius and inventor, something like the Hardy Boys on steroids.

A Swifty, or Tom Swiftism, is wordplay in which the author nods to his audience by working a pun into the structure of a sentence. Here's an example:

"They had to amputate them both at the ankles," said Tom defeatedly.

Pretty cool, huh? To tell you the truth, we wish people would use Swiftisms in e-mails and inter-office memos. You know, for kicks.

Anyway, we were watching music videos the other day — we do that 10, 12 hours every day — when it occurred to us that we should do a Framed of Swiftisms. And who better to feature than country star Taylor Swift, who may, in fact, be a direct descendant of the historical Tom Swift?

It was a great idea! This week's video is "Mine," Taylor's #1 single from 2010. It's quite a good video, and you're sure to enjoy it on its own merits. We'd also like to think our captions, which are all very funny, will enhance your video watching experience.

We await and welcome your feedback!

1 — "Did I forget to buy Alpo?" Taylor asked doggedly.

2 — "I shall eat no food for a week!" she declared, thinking fast.

3 — "Just some coffee," Taylor said perkily.

4 — "OK, I admit it! I did put graffiti over the graffiti!" Taylor remarked.

5 — "So we will go to St. Louis to see the sights?" she said archly.

6 — "Say, honey — why don't we put up some tomatoes for the winter?" Taylor asked, jarringly.

7 — "Or maybe put them in tins," she cannily added.

8 — "It's like the song says. You've got to know when to hold 'em and know when to fold 'em," Taylor said winsomely.

9 — "I've heard that you can bottle up the water and use it for hydroelectric power," he said, damningly.

10 — "I'm so glad that Gummo was your best man," Taylor bubbled.

11 — "Honey, please throw that switch to the off position," she said, delightedly.

12 — "Don't worry. I can shorten your pants," Taylor hemmed.