‘American Idol’ In Oklahoma City: Weirdest. Episode. Ever.
Thursday's "American Idol" episode in Oklahoma City was the weirdest in "Idol" history. Like, so weird that even all 15 of Nicki Minaj's alter egos were spooked. Within the course of just one hour, there was a ventriloquist dueting with what looked like the retired Pets.com dog puppet; a mangling of the National Anthem that really should have been lip-synched; and a comedic reenactment of one deluded contestant's not-so-divine-calling conversation with God about why she should audition for "Idol." (If anything, this skit proved that God is more of a "Voice" fan.) And bizarrely, two of those contestants actually made it through to Hollywood.
But lamentably, the most bizarre auditioner of the day did not.
No, it was not Joan Rivers' long-lost twin. It was none other than former "Idol" judge Steven Tyler, wearing what appeared to be one of Nicki's discarded wigs and about as much makeup as he did during Aerosmith's '80s hair-metal heyday. At first the judges didn't seem to recognize him, but once they did, they appeared utterly elated--Steven's old castmate Randy Jackson even gave him a standing ovation and asked him, "Did your chest grow?"
And I have to admit, I was kind of hoping that they'd give Steven a golden ticket; as useless and embarrassing as the Demon Of Screamin' often was during his two-season "Idol" run, with his seeming inability to use any adjective other than "beautiful" and his tendency to flirt with girls one-fifth his age, he was kind of fun back in the day. It was nice to see him on the show again. And viewers sure did see a lot of him, since Steven even mooned the judges at one point--keeping the Fox censors on their toes, just like old times.
However, sadly, Steven won't be a regular fixture on "Idol" Season 12, as he didn't make it to Hollywood, dawg. (If only he'd auditioned with "Dude Looks Like A Lady," the outcome may have been very different. Steven really should have figured out the importance of song choice by now.) Oh well. You think this "Idol" rejection was the real reason why Steven later dissed the new "Idol" judges, and ended up in a feud with Nicki? We may never know...
I kid, I kid. But one contestant who wasn't kidding, apparently, was Zoanette Johnson, whose banged-up-Barbie hair looked even worse than Steven's synthetic blonde 'do. This wild-eyed woman, who "came to take the crown," was as serious as a heart attack--and her audition nearly sent the judges into cardiac arrest, with Keith Urban literally falling off his swivel chair in shock.
So as you all know, "The Star-Spangled Banner" has been a hot topic of heated debate over the past week, with Beyonce finally admitting during a Super Bowl press conference that she used a backing track for her National Anthem performance at the presidential inauguration. And on the same day as Beyonce's confession, Anthem-related controversy flared up all over again, on "Idol," when this kookoo Zoanette character performed the most wackadoodle rendition of "Banner" since Roseanne Barr's. And then--unlike Steven Tyler--ZOANETTE SOMEHOW MADE IT THROUGH TO HOLLYWOOD.
Well, at least Zoanette can honestly assert that she did sing the song live. But obviously, she was "no Beyonce" in many other ways.