Holograms! The Secret To Eternal Life

Rob O'Connor
List Of The Day (NEW)

The recent success of the Tupac Shakur Hologram performance has all the music world buzzing with opportunities. Why celebrate obscure living musicians when we can pay tribute to dead ones? If I were a struggling living musician, I'd fake my own death in order to get some respect. Because the music biz sure isn't going to spend the time and money necessary to make anyone a star who isn't on American Idolatry!

Now, sure, sure, the obvious candidates have had their estates notified, I'm sure. I can only imagine the battle royal over at Cobain, Inc. Roll over Bon Scott and tell Janis Joplin's family the news!

If I'm Pete Townshend, I'm learning all I can about bringing Keith Moon and John Entwhistle back for one more "farewell tour" -- and then the subsequent tours that follow, of course.

10) Nick Drake: Considering Nicky never toured and had little success when alive, it would be a blast to sell out halls with people screaming out for "Pink Moon! Pink Moon! Pink Moon, you devil!" Actually, I attended a Nick Drake Tribute Night once, where I figured there'd be an album cover of Nick on stage and his music playing, and there was! The mosh pit was hell that night, I tell you.

9) Sid Vicious: I don't really know how these holograms work, exactly, but I should hope that if Mr. Vicious gets his own that he'll be allowed to bone up on his bass lessons before touring. He's had several decades to prepare.

8) Stuart Sutcliffe: It's pretty common knowledge that the Beatles rock days were before Brian Epstein spiffied them up for public consumption and they learned to write all those clever hit songs that kept them from doing the "true rock" they were always meant to perform. Stuart Sutcliffe, their much maligned bass player, was said to not play well enough to stay in the group. He did, however, look good. These days, where celebrity is everything, he would be the star, either as a pin-up or an alternative bad hombre.

7) Jimi Hendrix: Who wouldn't pay to see Jimi Hendrix come back and kick the butts of all those who have re-recorded over his work? "What's Bruce Gary doing on my album? Someone make a hologram of him and let me at him!"

6) Dee Dee King: I'm sure plenty of people would love to see The Ramones, but I'd like to leave those memories intact.  "The baddest rapper from Whitestone, Queens" deserves another shot at rectifying his "rap" career.

5) Jim Morrison: Ray, Robbie and John have gone about promoting the Doors as if Jim's death was a mere inconvenience to their plans of world domination. Jim being dead has made him more agreeable and given the band a sense of panache that wouldn't exist had they continued to sludge around the mid-70s trying to get their groove back. This hologram idea ensures that Jim won't have to get down to his fighting weight. It'll just happen for him.

4) Cliff Burton: Jason Newsted always looked like the "new guy" the entire time he grimaced on stage with these guys and Rob Trujillo similarly lacks icon status. So, it would be a relief to Metallica fans everywhere if they'd go back on tour with the only bass player who ever fit the band's original schematic. Bonus points: the band will only play songs from their first three albums!

3) Tim Buckley & Jeff Buckley: Father and son were heartthrobs in their respective days. Ladies couldn't help but be drawn to their good looking good looks. This here is a chance to have them sing together, the reunion that never happened in life. All I can say is, "Ladies, I'm with the road crew!"

2) Darby Crash: In Darby's case, I'm hoping we can hear some new material. I'm hoping he's matured and playing music more age-appropriate for a 53-year old superstar. Sure, he can throw a few Germs tunes in for old time's sake, but surely he's gone "Americana" like every other old punk.

1) G.G. Allin: The good news is G.G. will be unable to shoot you at these concerts. The bad news, dead people can still defecate. Bring a raincoat.