Fifteen Weird Holiday Albums

Rob O'Connor
List of the Day - Archives

Upon the announcement that Stone Temple Pilots and Velvet Revolver singer Scott Weiland would be releasing Scott Weiland's Christmas Album, we here at List of the Day! went snooping around for other holiday albums that would fit nicely alongside it. As I went looking, I also learned that She & Him would be releasing A Very She & Him Christmas, "she" being "New Girl" Zooey Deschanel and "Him" being him, the guy that doesn't matter.

Of course, everyone should have a copy of Spinal Tap's "Christmas With the Devil" and King Diamond's "No Presents for Christmas" singles. But these fifteen albums should bring that yuletide spirit and lots of puzzled looks!

15) Bob Dylan - Christmas In the Heart: As has been noted, Bob Dylan singing "I'll Be Home For Christmas" sounds like a threat. His voice continues to gnarl up beyond comprehension, but the album was a charity project to combat hunger, so your suffering is purely altruistic. This album could help get you into heaven.

14) Ferrante and Teicher, Adventure in Carols, 1955: Aerosmith's Steven Tyler claims these two piano prodigies, Arthur Ferrante and Louis Techer, practiced in the home of his grandmother Constance Neidhart Tallarico. The duo played prepared pianos, adding wood blocks, glass and chains to the strings since this was before Apple had an app for making weird sounds. The first alt.Christmas album?

13) Twisted Sister - A Twisted Christmas: By 2006, Twisted Sister were pretty much looking for any way back into the limelight. Having long ago made themselves into a kid-friendly metal band, Dee Snider and the fellas decided to rock out a little "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus," "Deck the Halls" and "White Christmas." I'm sure their moms enjoyed this immensely.

12) A John Waters Christmas: What good heathen wouldn't want a Christmas album compiled by that secular saint John Waters? You get Alvin and the Chipmunks singing "Sleigh Ride," Tiny Tim warbling "Rudolph the Red Nosed Reindeer" and Little Cindy crooning "Happy Birthday Jesus." Let's all sit around the toaster oven and celebrate!

11) Various Artists - Bummed Out Christmas!: Not everyone wants to party! Some do like Herman Munster and cut through the tinsel. This album, with catchy tunes like "Christmas In Jail," "Christmas In Prison" and "Christmas Eve Can Kill You," is perfect for the Ebenezer Scrooge in all of us. Bah humbug, you maniacs!

10) Dr. Demento Presents: Greatest Christmas Novelty CD of All-Time: For those who wish to treat Christmas like a novelty and are looking for a copy of Cheech and Chong's "Santa Claus and His Old Lady," it's all right here, including that "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" song that isn't funny to anyone who's working in retail and has to listen to it on a loop. Or anyone who shops with a really slow shopper and spends hours at the mall in the toy store waiting to go home.

9) Afroman - A Colt 45 Christmas: For mature audiences only. Afroman is sorta the anti-Claus and his album should not be played when children are present. Unless you're raising your kids as some sort of science experiment, then by all means...

8) The Flaming Lips - Christmas On Mars: The soundtrack to the film isn't exactly "We Wish You A Merry Christmas" or "Away In A Manger," but tracks like "Space Bible With Volume Lumps" and "The Distress Signals of Celestial Objects" are similar if you have a really strong imagination. Sometimes you just need to train your mind.

7) Halford 3 - Winter Songs: Perhaps seeing that Twisted Sister made a comeback of sorts with their Christmas album, Judas Priest lead singer Rob Halford issued his first solo album in over seven years right here with the kind of medieval melodrama that makes for some righteous metal. "We Three Kings," "What Child Is This?" and "Come All Ye Faithful" never sounded heavier or more bald!

6) Don Ho - The Don Ho Christmas Album: Don Ho is a Hawaiian institution and there isn't anyone who doesn't think of Hawaii when they're thinking about Christmas. At least on the East Coast where the sane ones among us wonder why we aren't living in Hawaii. You like snow? This year, I'll sell you some.

5) Christmas In the Stars: Star Wars Christmas Album: Available brand new on audio cassette for $156.88, this Star Wars Christmas album features tunes like "What Can You Get a Wookiee For Christmas (When He Already Owns a Comb?)" and the gambling anthem "The Odds Against Christmas." It's said that 18-year old Jon Bon Jovi is in the high school choir singing "R2-D2 We Wish You A Merry Christmas." He gives Christmas a good name!

4) Erran Baron Cohen - Songs In the Key of Hanukkah: Who knew Judaism could be so much fun? If Sacha Baron Cohen's brother's album that includes a bunch of songs that lack the commercial appeal of "Jingle Bells" is any indication, Judaism is the bomb! Finally, I'll know what many of my friends are talking about when they mention their love for the music of Hanukkah, the holiday of a thousand different spellings.

3) Ali Lohan - Lohan Holiday: Lindsay Lohan's kid sister gives the people what they want with this album that caused one Amazon buyer to write: "This is the perfect gift for that special someone that you absolutely hate." With thirteen one-star customer reviews, clearly a Lohan Holiday is not everyone's idea of a good time. Me? I hate a good time, so I'm in!

2) Bootsy Collins - Christmas is 4-Ever: While most funk fans own James Brown's Christmas album, not everyone got around to picking up Bootsy's. Snoop Dogg stops by. That master of funk Charlie Daniels checks in! Bernie Worrell is here. If you don't own this album, you might as well not even celebrate Christmas!

1) Various Artists - Christmas on Death Row: If Suge Knight says you're rapping on a Christmas album, you're rapping on a Christmas Album. Now, Death Row Records, once home of Snoop Dogg, Nate Dogg, Tha Dogg Pound and other acts without doggs, might not be everyone's first guess when thinking of who likes to celebrate the holidays in a warm and fuzzy style, but judging by the fact that every track is listed as "explicit," you can be sure that no one's going to mix this one up with that old Bing Crosby album in the attic.