‘American Idol’ Top 7 Night: Still Not Rock ‘N’ Roll To Me
photo: Michael Becker/Fox
photo: Michael Becker/Fox
I was worried, too.
The fact that no ballads were allowed this Wednesday (say it in the "no dogs allowed" voice from Snoopy Come Home, just for kicks and/or dramatic effect) further put these poor, utterly un-rockin' kids at a disadvantage. But of course, two of the contestants couldn't resist slowing everything down, and they did ballads anyway. (Yes, they sang power-ballads, but a power-ballad is still a ballad; if people are able to slow-dance to a song at prom, then that song is a ballad, period.) So really, the most interesting, and most edgy, thing about "Idol's" supposed Rock Night was the fact that judge Keith Urban inadvertently revealed that he is a foot fetishist. Seriously, the man spent more time praising the female contestants' boots and stilettos than he did critiquing their actual vocals. If only any of the contestants had been able to give this show the boot-kick up the bum that it sorely needed.
Here's how everyone "rocked" on Wednesday:
Burnell Taylor - Burnell gave rock a bad name with his cover of Bon Jovi's "You Give Love A Bad Name"--a song that really, really should've been retired from "Idol" after Blake Lewis's game-changing version in Season 6. I'd already suspected that Burnell, a crooner who favors slow soul songs, would be one of the contestants who'd struggle the most this week. But instead of struggling, it didn't seem like Burnell even tried at all. (Note to Burnell: Just because you put on one of Adam Lambert's old Skingraft jackets from Season 8, and start your song marching through the audience, doesn't mean you are "rock." Or even "roll.") This performance was just wholly unconvincing. Remember that night when Jordin Sparks tried to do Bon Jovi, epically failed, and admitted freely that rock was just not her forte? It was like that. Jordin survived that night, of course--but I don't know if Burnell will survive this, especially since he sang in the death spot. I just don't understand why Burnell didn't get creative and try to turn this rock song into a soul jam, since, as Keith noted, "rock 'n' roll is not your thing. I've never seen you look more uncomfortable in a song." Mariah Carey overly nicely and condescendingly praised Burnell's attempt and said it seemed like he'd "had fun with it." (Well, he was the only one having fun, then.) Randy Jackson didn't dig the performance, but thought it was a "good learning experience" for Burnell. (Yeah: Burnell learned that he SHOULDN'T COVER BON JOVI.) Nicki Minaj said Burnell was still "lovable" and that she "still wanted to hug" him, but I am afraid she may be hugging him goodbye on Thursday's results show.