What if the worst thing ever was to actually happen, readers?
Now, there are a lot of really terrible things that could happen. A runaway comet could hit the Earth and destroy us all! A super flu virus could evolve and wipe out humanity in less than a month! Ostensibly humorous blogs could be written!
Well, something really, really bad has already happened. The unholy alliance between the U.S. armed forces and popular music — yes, the military/musical complex that Pres. Dwight D. Eisenhower warned us about — is now a reality! Songstress Katy Perry, a frequently featured artist here in Framed, has openly locked arms with the United States Marine Corps in the video for her song, "Part Of Me."
Like us, you'll be alarmed at the strident militarism of the video. (It appears that Katy actually shot it at a Marine base in California.) And, as you'll see, it glamorizes the authoritarianism and abject gun worship we've always feared would creep into our most beloved musical forms. But, while we were worried about Ted Nugent, the insidious jingoists were co-opting our fluffiest, most harmless stars!
And it doesn't stop there! No less an expert than Y! Music's own Wendy Geller called Katy "surprisingly convincing" in her role as a war-crazed killing machine. Geller, to date, has received 1,957 comments on her blog post, which is more comments than we get in two or three weeks sometimes!
Please read this week's blog with great care, and then write the President and your representatives in Congress decrying this alarming turn of events!
It's all up to us!
1 — "A hangnail! What next, less than five Grammies?"
2 — "You listen to me, mister! America's greatness is never in question, and the Ryan budget plan rocks!"
3 — "But I only wondered whether the massive loss of life in Iraq was worth it! That, and why your hair isn't purple."
4 — "Perhaps alcohol will solve my problems. It does make you wittier and better-looking!"
5 — "Ma'am! No, ma' am! I will not make another video with Rebecca Black!"
6 — Would Gummo, The Sentient Bubble, ever escape the clutches of Clownheadman? Stay tuned!
7 — "Hate America, will you? Take that, liberal blogger scum!"
8 — "And after we raise this barn, it's off to the quilting bee!"
9 — "Now that we've cleared out another Afghan village, what say we visit Candyland?"
10 — "According to this letter from home, the President is still pretending he was born in America! Kenya believe it?"
11 — "Alright, men, now let's talk about Aquaman's other powers!"
12 — "Say. I could also sell inferior make-up. Why limit myself?"