'American Idol' Season 14 Premiere: Slim Pickins in Music City

(all photos courtesy of Fox)

"The pressure’s on to find a real superstar," Jennifer Lopez declared Wednesday at the start American Idol's Season 14 (yes, FOURTEEN) premiere. It was a statement echoed by her fellow judges and host Ryan Seacrest throughout the episode. And while it's doubtful that this matter keeps Jennifer up at night the way it does, say, the worried honchos at 19 Entertainment or FremantleMedia, there was a certain urgency, a sort of previously unheard desperation, to J.Lo's words.

Related: American Idol Premiere: Take Our Reaction Shot Quiz

Last February, Season 12 winner Candice Glover set the record for the lowest-selling Idol-champ album ever (19,000 copies in its first week) — only to have that record smashed just a few months later by Season 13’s even less successful Caleb Johnson (11,000 copies — yikes). At this point, there are only so many times left that show’s powers-that-be can keep bragging about Idol's hitmaking track record, running highlight reels of Kelly Clarkson and Carrie Underwood at the Grammys or Jennifer Hudson's Oscars acceptance speech in a constant loop. Carrie won Idol literally a decade ago; Kelly, 13 years ago. (And the last time we saw Jennifer Hudson, she was performing on The Voice!) Even the victory by Idol's last major chartbuster, Season 11's Phillip Phillips, now seems long ago — and Phillip never quite replicated the quintuple-platinum success of his debut single “Home,” either. So the pressure is on, indeed.

Which is why, when the show’s mere one-hour premiere aired Wednesday, the relative lack of standout talent, on what seemed like a make-or-break night, was surprising. After all, there have been reports that Idol is now following The Voice's lead and hiring talent scouts to recruit professional and semi-professional auditioners. And Big Machine Records' Scott Borchetta, aka The Man Who Discovered Taylor Swift, has signed on as the series’ new in-house mentor and has agreed to release the winner’s music. So I expected much more from this episode. But instead, I found myself nodding in agreement when Harry Connick Jr. muttered disgruntledly from the behind the judging table, “It’s slim pickins up in here.”

Full disclosure: I’ve already watched a preview screener of Thursday’s two-hour episode, and it’s packed with promising singers, including (spoiler alert!) a totally robbed fan favorite from last season. I also recently attended a top 48 showcase at Los Angeles’s House of Blues, and I was impressed by many of the hopefuls who performed that day. Idol has even “leaked” a YouTube video of the already-determined top 24 mystery contestants singing “Feeling Good” and sounding mighty good indeed. That clip opened Wednesday’s premiere, but oddly, few of those singers were shown in full (some of them will pop up Thursday). This sequencing indicates that Idol is saving the best for future episodes.

But why? With so many doubters (and even sponsors) giving up on this show, Wednesday was the night to prove all naysayers wrong by presenting a wide array of awesome, watercooler-chatter-worthy contestants, the kind of “superstars” that Jennifer Lopez was talking about. But instead, by airing a brief and mostly underwhelming episode (which seemed more like a lead-in to Fox’s new music-themed drama series Empire than anything else), producers have made it likely that many viewers won’t even tune in Thursday, and won’t see what this Idol season truly has to offer.

Anyway, this season, the auditions are taking place in each of the judges’ hometowns: New York for J.Lo, New Orleans for jazzbo Harry, and… Caboolture, Queensland, Australia, for Keith Urban. Just kidding! Idol probably doesn’t have that sort of travel budget anymore, especially since longtime advertiser Coca-Cola just dropped out. No, this Wednesday, the show went to the town where Aussie Keith has lived for much of the past 22 years: Nashville, aka Music City. And while I’ve spent the last few paragraphs griping about the lack of buzzy auditions, there were a few glimmers of hope. So, in the interest of staying semi-positive — and hopefully getting some of you to come back Thursday for the real deal — I’m leading this recap with the best singers from the premiere:

Kory Wheeler – This wonderful guy was definitely my favorite of the night. Although he was presented as just some humble barista, who had to take an hour off from his day job across the street at Nashville’s Bongo Java to audition (a scenario detailed in an on-the-scene report by USA Today), he was likely what they call in this biz a “plant” or a “ringer.” This guy was just too good to be pouring lattes for a living. This latte-maker’s got a lotta talent. (See what I did there?) Looking like a lost member of the Decemberists, more suited to an episode of Portlandia than American Idol, the 26-year-old, beardy indie-folkster delivered a poignant and authentic performance of Bonnie Raitt’s “I Can’t Make You Love Me,” his gorgeous, bleating voice full of emotion and character. The judges feigned shock over Kory’s talent, acting as if the Idol camera crew hadn’t been across the street shooting B-roll of Kory behind the coffee counter all afternoon. “You know what’s great about that [audition]? Everything!” exclaimed Keith. Jennifer confessed that she’d broken out in her usual “goosies” — on her legs, even. This barista provided one of the few caffeinated jolts of Wednesday’s mellow episode.

The only drawback to this audition? The fact that there were way too many close-ups of the gooseflesh-covered J.Lo dreamily mouthing along to the words. Despite all the supposed emphasis on the contestants this season, Wednesday’s episode was still too heavy on the judges (there was even a reference to infamous ex-judges Nicki Minaj and Mariah Carey, whose names I thought would never be mentioned on this show ever again), particularly J.Lo.

Riley Bria – I suspect this guy was one of the “scouted” contestants who didn’t have to queue up in a parking lot for 10 hours to get his shot. At age 17, he already seems like a pro, and he’s already shared a stage with Keith Urban, jamming with Keith at a Grammy Camp event in 2012. Riley is basically Keith Urban’s mini-me — gorgeous, golden- and floppy-haired, and capable of some impressively twangy guitar-shredding (according to Keith, who apparently remembered the kid from two years ago). Riley even covered Keith’s deep album cut “Georgia Woods” at his audition this week, and did a pretty bang-up job with it. Girls will love Riley (J.Lo said he was “made for the stage”). Keith already loves Riley, clearly.

Emily Brooke – Ryan Seacrest, picking up on J.Lo’s aforementioned desperation, may have been overreaching when he called this 15-year-old country girl “the next Carrie Underwood.” (Slow your roll, Ryan.) But she certainly did have star quality — and blonde ambition, since she raised money from playing gigs to buy her ticket from Florida to the Nashville auditions. (Who says today’s kids have no work ethic, right? She even has a website with professional videos and stuff.) Emily auditioned with a Carrie song, “Blown Away,” but her raspy delivery was more reminiscent of another ex-talent show dynamo, Nashville Star's Miranda Lambert. There definitely was something special here; Harry said Emily had possibly the most potential of any singer who'd tried out that day. “I think you're cool, and I think you know who you are,” Harry declared. Emily may not be the next Carrie Underwood, but she may be the next American Idol.

Amber Kelechi Walker – Cue the violins, because this 15-year-old came to the Nashville auditions with a made-for-TV, classic Idol sob story about growing up in “the hard part” of Memphis and finding salvation in music. “If I didn’t have music, I’d probably be in a gang, in jail, pregnant… I’d probably be killed,” she said. Fortunately, Amber had the (probably-not-scouted) raw talent to justify the large amount of violin-soundtracked screentime she received. Belting out a bluesy, somewhat Fantasia-esque rendition of Memphis hero Elvis Presley’s “Heartbreak Hotel,” young Amber was a stunner. (What made the audition even more special was the skronky, honky-tonk piano accompaniment by veteran Idol musical director Michael Orland — an Idol audition room first!) I still can’t believe that Hatchet Harry said no to Amber (he thought she needed more time and practice), but thankfully J.Lo and Keith gave her a much-deserved chance. “We cannot send her back to the hood,” Jennifer insisted. Hopefully this girl won’t get steamrolled by the slick, more-ready-for-prime-time likes of Riley, Kory, and Emily during Hollywood Week.

And the rest…

Priscilla Barker – This 19-year-old country cutie from a massive Mississippi family laid the Southern-belle charm on thick, but unfortunately, her cover of Tanya Tucker’s “Delta Dawn” wasn’t nearly as entertaining as her plucky, Pickler-ish personality.

Cameron Bedell – The 25-year-old Mexican-restaurant waiter and hoodie-clad everyman from Wichita performed a workmanlike rendition of Ray LaMontagne’s “You Are the Best Thing” that had a sort of Motown Unplugged vibe to it. There’s no doubt that the man can sing. But my first impression is, while he’s talented and very likable, he’s not Idol top 10 material. More like top 48.

Michael Simeon – This amusing audition was posted on American Idol's official YouTube channel months ago to generate buzz (I'm not sure if that worked, honestly), but not because there was anything particularly mind-blowing about Michael's cover of Sam Smith's “Stay With Me.” (Side note to talent show contestants: Do NOT sing Sam Smith songs. Just don't. You're setting yourself up for failure.) No, what made this audition memorable was it was all about J.Lo, of course. Michael asked the diva to dance with him while he serenaded her, and since this was all surely vetted and staged in advance, she happily obliged without any Fox security guards swarming the set and wrestling Michael to the ground. As Jennifer and Michael slow-danced while Michael sang, Harry and Keith joined in on the fun, with Harry playing piano and Keith strumming a guitar. In all seriousness, I preferred Harry and Keith's performances; Michael's was forgettable. I doubt Michael will go much farther than this, but at least he got pretty canoodley with People magazine’s Most Beautiful Woman of 2011, and that’s more than most 20-year-old farm boys can say.

So there you have it. There were a few potential finalists (or at least semifinalists) in Wednesday’s mix, but the real bounty will come Thursday (trust me on this), so don’t give up on Idol yet! The search for a “real superstar” has only just begun.

Parker out.

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