Nick Offerman Gets Very Intimate with Wood

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On Tuesday’s The Late Show, Nick Offerman shared his deeply held thoughts about wood. He revealed to Stephen Colbert, “The older I get, the more my intimacy with wood consumes a large part of my day.”

Apparently, that large part of his day is spent anthropomorphizing types of wood. So Colbert brought out some samples of wood and asked the Parks and Recreation star and wood-shop owner what he thought about them.

About mahogany, Offerman mused, “It’s like royalty. If you respect it, you will not be punished.” For cedar, he said, “Cedar is like a dependable hippie.” He explained that it’s light, strong, and like a hippie, fragrant. Finally, Offerman described maple. He said, “Maple is what I call the valedictorian of the cabinet woods.”

Hopefully, Offerman’s next book follows the tales of his wood characters as they get together to fight crime — or at least become a canoe.

The Late Show airs weeknights at 11:35 p.m. on CBS. 

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