Stephen Colbert says he's against same-sex marriage -- because gays couples shouldn't be as legally linked as he is to his gun.
The mock-conservative commentator was in character, of course, when he weighed in on the Supreme Court hearing two cases about the constitutionality of same-sex marriage.
"Folks, I shudder to think that the unnatural coupling of same-sex partners may be put on the same legal footing as my loving relationship with my gun," he said on Tuesday's "Colbert Report," before whispering to his weapon, "You complete me."
Colbert went on to warn his audience to read the Bible, because the gaypocalypse could be upon us. The proof? A duck has fathered a chicken.
We'll let Colbert explain: