I know what you were thinking: "Whew! The Oscars are over! No more of this Uggie red-carpet business! We can back to real celebrities and real celebrity issues — like what Jimmy Kimmel thinks about Kim Kardashian. Hard-hitting!" Alas, guess who went to the White House Correspondents' Dinner over the weekend? Moreover, guess who just got a freaking book deal?
First off, there's the Artist wonder dog hamming it up on the WHCD red carpet, presumably awaiting a glass of pinot grigio and maybe a crab cake or just holding poor Diane Sawyer up on her way to the metal detector. It's hard to know without having been there, and when you consider that a retired Jack Russell terrier was invited and you weren't, it's easy to think you should have been there, and what are you doing with your life, paying off five figures' worth of student loans while this dog has awards campaigns and international social-media notoriety in his name, and maybe you went into the wrong line of business, and really who wants to live longer than 14 or 15 years anyway on this godforsaken rock, especially one riven by war, pestilence and, well, this...
More from the AP [via Huffington Post]:
Uggie, the Jack Russell terrier who appeared in the Oscar-winning The Artist, has a memoir coming. Gallery Books, an imprint of Simon & Schuster, announced Friday that Uggie: My Story will come out in October. His tale of tails will be transcribed by biographer and presumed dog whisperer Wendy Holden.
Whatever. I'm totally willing to accept responsibility for this and apologize accordingly for the tsunami of existential woe about to wash over every struggling writer in America, on one condition: You'd better cut me in, Uggie. That is all.
[Photo: Getty Images]