Great news you guys: Billboard is reporting that super scribe, I mean singer, Ke$ha is writing an illustrated autobiography (aka picture book) called My Crazy Beautiful Life. Lucky us! Just what the world needs -- a book written by a 25-year-old whose preferred red-carpet accessory is a mannequin head. I’m sure this book will be the stuff of legends. Someone should alert the halls of literature that the Bronte sisters have some stiff competition headed their way.
The book, which is being published by Touchstone, will feature Ke$ha's "thoughts and reflections" and pictures from her childhood all the way through her recent tour. I can hardly wait. What I really need to add light to my dark life is the inner "thoughts" and oh-so-deep "reflections" of a self-proclaimed party animal in her mid-twenties, who can’t spell tick tock, has "Suck It!" tattooed on her lip, sings about drinking around the clock and looks like she hasn’t bathed in a year. I think it would be more beneficial to the world if Ke$ha just took a bag of trash, dipped it in glitter and sold it.
Ke$ha said in a statement: "In less than three years I've gone from being the worst waitress in LA to living out my childhood dreams of singing my songs to people all over the world. Sometimes, it feels as if the last few years have encompassed a few decades. You might have heard my voice on the radio, seen me onstage and on the red carpet, or in a music video, but that's only a part of the story. In these pages, I'm revealing a more complete picture of what my life is really like. It's not all glamorous and it's not all pretty, but it's all real."
Oh my god. Stop. Please. For your sake and ours, please do not write anything ever again. Hey Ke$ha, is your book going to be about how to take it off in public, piss in the street or the preferred method of brushing your teeth with a bottle of Jack Daniels? Because if I really needed that info I could just ask Two-Teeth Jimmy, who lives in a cardboard box outside of my Rite-Aid. He is only gonna charge me a buck and a bag of beef jerky for those tidbits -- that's way cheaper than buying a book.
The best part of all of this is that My Crazy Beautiful Life is out November 20, just one day after my 30th birthday. I hope my boyfriend is reading this because that’s what I call BEST BIRTHDAY PRESENT EVER!