The Force is strong with the Internet ... and now it's time to complete your training.
You may have heard that the producers of "Star Wars: Episode VII" are now accepting online auditions for two major roles. The notice on Cast It Talent describes them as follows (though we have a feeling 'Rachel' and 'Thomas' are probably placeholder names):
1) Seeking: Young woman to play 17-18 Years old. Must be beautiful, smart and athletic. Open to all ethnicities (including bi- and multi-racial).
Was quite young when she lost her parents. With no other family, she was forced to make her way alone in a tough, dangerous town. Now 17 she has become street smart and strong. She is able to take care of herself using humor and guts to get by.
Always a survivor, never a victim, she remains hopeful that she can move away from this harsh existence to a better life. She is always thinking of what she can do to move ahead.
2) Seeking: Young man to play 19-23 years old. Must be handsome, smart and athletic. Must be over 18.
Has grown up without a father's influence. Without the model of being a man, he doesn't have the strongest sense of himself. Despite this, he is smart, capable and shows courage when it is needed. He can appreciate the absurdities in life and understands you can't take life too seriously.
If you think you're qualified (and even if you don't), you might already be in the beginning stages of preparing your own audition video. With that in mind, we thought we'd gather some "Star Wars" auditions from over the years as examples of what to do ... and what not to do.
1. Donald Faison (How To)
The "Kick-Ass 2" star's audition for Lando Calrissian, Jr. isn't bad, but what's most striking is how much it reveals about Lando Calrissian, Sr. Who knew the old card player/gambler/scoundrel (you'd like him!) was prone to spinning tall tales about Wampas? Showing off your knowledge of "Star Wars" mythology -- and making it your own -- is highly recommended.
2. Kevin Smith (How Not To)
Actually, the "Clerks" maestro submitted a video in the hopes of being chosen to direct the new "Star Wars" movie. The two actors on display present a radical change for the franchise, turning the galactic space opera into black & white mumblecore sci-fi. Don't do anything like this.
3. Mark Hamill (How To)
"I don't even know if I like you," says Harrison Ford to Mark Hamill in this audition video. Well, George Lucas certainly liked him, 'cause he got the role of Luke Skywalker 'n all. Study and emulate Hamill's youthful enthusiasm and admirable earnestness in delivering Lucas' near-impossible dialogue and the part of 'Rachel' or 'Thomas' is yours.
4. Kurt Russell (How Not To)
What in the hell is "Organa Major," anyway? It might've been during this reading that Lucas realized that he should change the name of the planet to "Alderaan," a creative change which he perhaps subconsciously equated with Kurt Russell's performance. Making auteurs see the folly of their ways may not be the best audition strategy, and perhaps that's why he didn't get the part of Han Solo. It's okay, Kurt — Snake Plissken is only a few years away.
5. Mykee Steen (How To)
This fan-submitted video features a young hopeful auditioning for the role of Jaycen Solo, the son of you-know-who, but with a name like 'Mykee Steen' he could be a "Star Wars" character in and of himself (see why we're suspicious of the rather vanilla-sounding 'Thomas' and 'Rachel'?). Mykee's got that "Star Wars" over-earnestness down pat, and he was smart to shoot himself in front of a green screen, as that's how these movies are made.
[Related: New 'Star Wars' Movie Characters Leaked]
6. Amy Irving (How Not To)
Don't show up to a "Star Wars" audition dressed like Dorothy from "The Wizard of Oz" ... although, to be fair, you might end up marrying the director's best friend.
7. Carrie Fisher (How To)
It would appear that the key to getting the part is having the actual Han Solo, Harrison Ford, as your audition partner, though what's most impressive here is, like Mark Hamill, Carrie Fisher seems to actually believe every crazy word that's coming out of her mouth. We're imagining Lucas looking at this and thinking, "Now how would that hair look in buns?"
8. Terry the Odd Job Man (How Not To)
"The circle ... is now proper complete." Mispronouncing character names probably won't score you any points (nor is it particularly funny), so here's how you shouldn't present yourself as a formidable foe of "the Dark Side People" ... though we do kind of like the makeshift lightsaber.
9. Star Wars Kid (How To)
28 million views? Sit down, you might learn something, young Padawan.