Take heed, citizens: When the Apocalypse comes a'callin', it will be "important" people -- like, you know, actors -- who will be rescued first.
That is, at least according to "21 Jump Street" star Jonah Hill, who plays a "What If?" version of himself in this summer's wink-wink disaster film, "This Is the End." Hill faces Armageddon in the company of his pals and colleagues, including Seth Rogen, Danny McBride, James Franco, Jay Baruchel, Craig Robinson and seemingly pretty much every other at least sorta-funny, sorta-young Hollywood star you can think of.
"This Is the End" begins as the end of the world should: at a party at James Franco's house. If you've seen the trailer (and you probably have -- many times), you know this drug-fueled, alcohol-soaked and Michael Cera-slapped bacchanal is unfortunately interrupted by Los Angeles suddenly bursting into flames and the ground opening up to consume the likes of Rihanna, Aziz Ansari and other poor celebs. The survivors retreat back into Franco's compound, where they do what anyone would do in such a situation: turn on the news.
The new clip from the film shows us the initial reports of the first wave of the apocalypse, which involves earthquakes (well, more than usual for Hollywood) and riots ("Riots!" a stunned Franco exclaims). Martial law has been declared, even though the armed forces might be without their commander-in-chief: just power the TV goes dark, we hear that Air Force One has crashed.
Rogen has somewhat calmed himself with a bottle of whiskey, but Baruchel -- usually the high-strung one anyway, if you remember "Tropic Thunder" -- is genuinely unnerved. He wants to leave immediately and return to Rogen's house -- not because it's going to be any safer, but because "I don't want to die at James Franco's house" (hey, who would?).
It's here that Hill assures everyone that the number-one priority for rescue teams during the end of the world -- or at least when a 9.7 earthquake hits -- is saving the famous people. "They'll get Clooney, Sandra Bullock, me ... if there's room, you guys will come," says Hill. Somewhat surprisingly, his words provide little comfort.
It's a little enraging that these guys get to make self-congratulatory, multi-million-dollar meta-comedies whilst other people on Earth starve to death. But it's a little less enraging when they portray themselves as complete bumbling idiots without any common sense -- the last people you'd ever want to spend your last days with, if you hope to survive past the first hour.
"This Is the End" opens June 12.