Call Winston Wolfe: Let’s Get Johnny Depp His Oscar
He's Winston Wolfe. He solves problems. He's here to help.
Here's what we've got for you, Mr. Depp.
1. Knock it off with the Tim Burton. Probably the most important one on this list. Listen, we've loved (some of) your collaborations with Burton as much as anybody, most notably "Ed Wood," which is probably still our favorite performance of yours. ("Donnie Brasco" is close.) But we've been through this before with you: Burton is using you as a crutch, and vice versa. He's not gonna dial it back and do another "Ed Wood" any more than you are. He brings out a certain type of performance in you and, to be frank, at this point everyone's pretty tired of seeing it. Don't worry, he'll be fine without you. He'll be better for it, even.
2. Trust other people to make you funny. You can be legitimately amusing: "Ed Wood" is hilarious, you were fantastic in that Ricky Gervais clip and, all told, even Jack Sparrow makes us chuckle every once in a while. But your bug-eyed, bewildered, wobble-legged schtick -- prevalent in both your Jack Sparrow and your Hunter S. Thompson -- is starting to mold a bit. We're not sure the Jonah Hill/Apatow crew is precisely your best bet -- you're a little too weird for their grounded sci-fi nerd realism -- but the bit part in the upcoming "21 Jump Street" is nevertheless a good start. We're thinking maybe you and Zach Galifianakis might do something amazing together. This won't necessarily help you get an Oscar, but it'll get you back on the path to directors feeling like they can cast you as something other than a loopy space alien.