Tina and Amy's 16 Best Opening Jokes at 2014 Golden Globes
After absolutely killing it with their flawless tag-team opening last year, what could Golden Globes hosts Tina Fey and Amy Poehler possibly do for an encore? Why, lob more zingers at the Hollywood elite, of course!
Shrugging off the pressure to do a lavish, Oscars-style number, Tina and Amy came out firing with a fresh set of one-liners. (Of course, it helps that they're two of the funniest joke-writers in the biz.)
Here are the 16 jokes that further cemented Tina and Amy as the best award-shows hosts anywhere on the globe.
1. Tina: "Welcome to the 71st Annual Tina Fey and Amy Poehler's Lee Daniels' The Butler Golden Globe Awards."
2. Amy: "A very good evening to all the women and gay men watching at home."
3. Tina, on the pair returning as hosts: "This is Hollywood, where if something works, they'll just keep doing it till everyone hates it!"
4. Tina: "Meryl Streep was so brilliant in 'August: Osage County,' proving that there are still great parts in Hollywood for Meryl Streeps over 60."
5. Tina, on "American Hustle": "Interesting trivia: The original title for that movie was 'Explosion at the Wig Factory.'"
6. Tina acknowledged Amy's own Globe nomination, before cutting to "Amy" in the audience: actually Jennifer Lawrence. Amy marveled, "It is hard to believe she's a 42-year-old mother of two," before adding: "She's a straight-up bitch."
7. Tina and Amy, on double Globe nominee Julia Louis-Dreyfus: "Julia has chosen to sit in the film section tonight. Hi, Julia… you know us from TV!" (The camera cut to Julia wearing sunglasses and smoking an e-cigarette next to Reese Witherspoon.)
8. Tina, noting that Woody Allen is receiving the Cecil B. DeMille Award a few years after Martin Scorsese won it: "I assume the award is for 'Tiniest Man With the Biggest Glasses.'"
9. Tina, on "Gravity": "It's the story of how George Clooney would rather float away into space and die than spend one more minute with a woman his own age."
10. Amy, on "Captain Phillips" co-star Barkhad Abdi, who used to drive limousines in Minnesota: "There's such a beautiful life lesson here, folks: Sleep with your limo driver tonight, before he gets famous."
11. Tina, on Matthew McConaughey: "For his role in 'Dallas Buyers Club,' he lost 45 pounds. Or what actresses call, being in a movie."
12. Amy, on "The Wolf of Wall Street": "If I wanted to see Jonah Hill masturbate at a pool party, I'd go to one of Jonah Hill's pool parties."
13. Amy, on Netflix's sudden success: "Enjoy it while it lasts. You're not going to feel so smug in a few years when Snapchat is up here accepting Best Drama."
14. Amy: "'Masters of Sex' is the degree I got from Boston College."
15. Tina: "'The Blacklist' is who's invited to my room tonight. I'm looking at you, Somali pirates. 'I am the captain now.'"
16. Tina, on the show's length: "We're going to get this done in three hours. Or as Martin Scorsese calls it, Act 1."