10 Surprising Reasons Men Initiate Divorce
10 Surprisingly Common Reasons Men Initiate Divorce
As you'd expect, "She cheated!" is one big reason guys take the speed ramp to Splitsville. But every year, faithful women get blindsided by divorce papers. What gives? We asked relationship experts about the other grievances once-happy husbands cite for divorcing-their unexpected answers give clues on how to keep your marriage solid. Photo by Getty Images.
1. You've let yourself go. Men understand that women change over time. But there's a difference between putting on weight and getting so big that the Discovery Channel would be intrigued if you washed up on a beach. And is your car the only thing you wax? "I have one client whose partner has a chin hair that bothers him so much," says Sherry Amatenstein, who specializes in couples' therapy in Long Island City, NY. "If you don't care enough to look good for your guy, he wonders if you care about him." Wouldn't you wonder the same if he gave up on his appearance? So banish the granny panties, grey roots and other frumpy fixins'-you'll both feel better.
2. You always say no. If you're speaking in negatives as often as a two-year-old does, "you become a killjoy," says Amatenstein. "It makes you seem more like his mother-not someone he can have fun with, or, if you do it often enough, wants to be around." Even if you're naysaying for your guy's own good, try to compromise: Maybe he can have a Harley if he promises to always wear a helmet. Hear his wants and your marriage may go the distance.
3. He's more nagged than nurtured. "If you dig into your husband for every little screw-up or letdown, he'll feel resentful and eventually shut down," says Chicago divorce lawyer Corri Fetman. "Once this happens, good luck getting your husband to voluntarily put forth effort into anything again-including your marriage!" Ditch the fuming, and try some finessing. For instance, is your guy always running late? Set your clocks a few minutes ahead. It's sneaky, but less destructive than getting on his case.
4. He feels disrespected. Don't follow the husband-bashing humor trend, urges couples' therapist Rosalind Sedacca of West Palm Beach, FL. Resist joking on Facebook about how your favorite basketball fan can't even dribble-and don't rib him in front of friends either. "Your husband will feel belittled," Sedacca warns. "Confidence and security form the foundation of any marriage," she adds. Eventually your man's self-esteem will erode and he'll lose his connection to you. "Meanwhile, there may be other women who are willing to treat him with admiration," Sedacca adds. See where this one's going? Nowhere good!
5. He doesn't have a marriage mentor. If your husband's pals make Charlie Sheen look like a choir boy, he needs some buddies who'll raise the bar, says relationship coach and minister Don Nations, of Sarasota, FL. "If more men had a friend with a solid marriage to whom they could talk, someone who could listen and offer counsel, they'd be less likely to seek a divorce," he explains. Your house of worship can fill the void: "Many offer marriage workshops and discussion groups," Nations says. Or pursue friendships with other happy couples-their dedication may inspire you both.