Daniel Engber, who has been the single best voice on all matters 3-D for three years now -- an odd specialty, but we're nonetheless appreciative -- wrote a smart eulogy for 3-D on Slate this morning. Matt Singer from IFC put together a wise lament on the missed opportunity of the technology in response, and we were all happy, with all the smart people saying smart things about movies. We love it when smart people say smart things about movies. There's never enough of that.
But still: Dead? Like, dead-dead? Yeah, we dunno. Not only do both Steven Spielberg and Martin Scorsese -- only two of the most important American filmmakers of all time -- have 3-D movies coming out in about two months, and not only is there still enough of a fascination with the technology that they're putting freaking "The Great Gatsby" in 3-D, but there's still the little matter of "Avatar 2" and "Avatar 3" coming out, in December 2014 and December 2015. James Cameron is how we got in here in the first place, after all. We know a lot can happen in three years -- it is possible that a planet will crash into earth, kills us all and totally vindicate Kirsten Dunst's lack of social graces -- but we're talking about sequels to the most financially successful film of all time, written and directed by the original's director, done entirely in the newest version of 3-D. You're telling me 3-D's not gonna still be huge on that film in three years? That it's already dead? Heck, by then, Cameron will have invented some new technology that allows Zoe Saldana to give you a neck message through your glasses. We know prices are high, but if audiences will pay $10 to Saldana pretend to kick people in "Colombiana," we gotta assume they'd pay at least $250 for that.
Obviously Hollywood has overextended and price gouged, to their own short- and long-term detriment. This is something Hollywood has done forever, and bless their heart for it. But if 3-D is dead, that means it's going away soon. 3-D is definitely not going away soon.