Valentine's Day Is Totally Different If You're a 20-Something Today
Shout it from the rooftops, girl. (Photo via PaperFoxLA)
They don’t use the term “date.” They’re not getting married till they’re nearly 30 —and 25 percent will likely never tie the knot at all. Instead, they embrace more fluid, non-traditional relationships.
So you might think Valentine’s Day would not be on a Millennial’s radar.
But you’d be wrong.
More than 60 percent of Millennials—the generation loosely defined as those born between the early 1980s and the early 2000s—reported celebrating the holiday last year, according to data from the National Retail Federation.
If you’re surprised, consider this: Back in ye olden days—like the High Middle ages, when V-Day first became a real thing—or even the ‘90s, you could avoid Valentine’s Day. Just skip the card aisle in the drugstore for a few weeks and avoid low-lit restaurants on February 14. Not so now, when Valentine’s Day plays out via social media for all, whether you choose to participate or not.
“It’s become as much of an event online as it is in real life,” says Jessica Massa, the Millennial co-founder of The Gaggle and author of The Gaggle: How to Find Love in the Post-Dating World."
Massa points to the glut of Instagrammed date night pics, tweets about presents (or just loving texts from a fake boyfriend) and the relentless sharing of articles and V-day events (check out Cuddle Con!). “If you’re not celebrating, then you’re likely acting as a spectator of other people’s Valentine’s Days,” she says. “So I think most Millennials remain very aware of the significance of the date.”
But how do they mark it?
A handmade gift a 30 Rock fan could appreciate. (Photo via ThatsWhatSheStitched)
DIY Mentality
Well, they’re probably not sending watercolor “Between You and Me” cards. (If you’re over 30 or so, you might remember those.)
“There is definitely a pressure to not succumb to typical ‘Hallmark’ traditions, and to instead mark the day with gifts or plans that feel more personal and unique,” notes Massa. “We as a generation really value the DIY mentality of putting time and thought and effort into something, which of course can make it feel so much more special, and that reflects in the Valentine’s Day gifts that we give.”
Andrew Snavely, founder and editor of Primer, an online magazine for Millennial men, advises his readers to eschew fancy gifts in favor of handwritten notes, sentimental favorites (Reese’s Cups, anyone?) and a homemade dinner.
“One of the best Valentine’s Gifts I ever received was a box of my favorite doughnuts,” he says. “The secret to making Valentine’s Day special isn’t about extravagant flash, it’s showing how thoughtful you can be.”
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For some, that thoughtfulness and individuality takes the form of activism. Though she’s in a long-term relationship, 31-year-old Eva Provedel prefers to spend February 14 rallying to end violence against women. “I do One Billion Rising, which has far more significance to me than anything else,” she says. “It so global and open to everyone and actually has a meaning beyond the usual heart-shaped consumerism!”
Not exactly the ‘ol Whitman’s Sampler, eh? (Photo via Urban Outfitters)
A Twist on the Traditional
Some Millennials do gift the time-honored tokens of the holiday—nearly 70 percent of those ages 18-24 gave candy last year, while about 50 percent gifted flowers, according to the NRF. But don’t take that to mean they celebrate traditionally. Many take part while fully acknowledging the inherent hokiness of the concept.
Sofia Gans, 27, and her live-in boyfriend aren’t into the holiday, but last year, they decided to partake in dinner and a movie—and found it surprisingly fun. “We ended up loving being out and seeing all the other couples, especially because most of them were hilarious to make fun of,” she recalls, adding that her boyfriend humorously buys her “super domestic” gifts. (Last year, he gave her a blender.) “It’s an amusing joke to attempt to maintain appropriate gender roles.”
Others have found savvy ways to mark the holiday without succumbing to jacked-up prices or other commercial trappings. “[On Valentine’s Day] most of the prix fixe menus suck and it feels sort of amateurish, like New Year’s Eve,” says Rachel Knight, who’s in a long-term relationship. “[So] I tend to do the whole nice dinner/wine/night out at a restaurant the weekend before or following V-day weekend. We don’t exchange gifts, but split the meal evenly.”
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Julie Roth, 29, recognizes the corniness of the day, but embraces it. “I’ll bake and cook for us, and [my husband will] get me flowers and candy ‘cause I love Valentine’s Day schlock.”
For some, V-Day is for celebrating besties. (Image via TurtlesSoup)
Galentine’s Day
For this generation, spending the day (or night) with friends can be just as meaningful, or even more so, as a romantic evening with a significant other.
“Last year, one of my best friends and I, both single, bought tickets to a film screening of True Romance,” recalls Jessica Ruby, 25. “We bought each other little presents; I bought her face masks and she bought me hard-to-get Girl Scout cookies.” Um, Score!
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Inspired by the "Parks and Recreation" episodes, Brooke Bunce, 23, hosts a “Galentine’s Day” party. “[It] usually involves margaritas or some sort of girly alcoholic beverage,” she says. “Last year my roommate gave me temporary tattoos of cats and pre-made cards. In the past, I’ve made brownies or cupcakes or something red-velvet themed to go with V-day.”
And then there are those who prefer to just let the day pass by. “I skip it, but buy chocolate for myself,” says Melissa Mongrella, 25. “The only thing more manufactured than Valentine’s Day is Sweetest Day. Bleh.”
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